You've got lots of choices ahead of you. Here's my 2 cents, and probably only worth half that...
1. Don't dismiss the idea of ROTC out of hand. It's not better, or worse, just different than USAFA. It's also a different kind of fun. Your focus just needs to becoming an officer and then being competitive for a pilot slot while going through your commissioning source. Set intermediate goals once you get started, and update them frequently.
2. Flying experience is good, but not everything. The AF way is different, and much faster. Stick and rudder skills are generally transferrable, but you can learn them later too. That said, the top pilot in my UPT class was a USAFA glider IP. It was very easy to fly on his wing in 38's because his parameters were always perfect (+-1kt, +-20ft), and he flew an incredibly stable jet. He became a FAIP and then later went to fighters.
3. Your question about becoming a good leader/officer will require some study. There is some excellent advice above. Pick up the occasional book on the subject and work it into your school routine as you're going through college. If you do get into USAFA, there will be no shortage of opportunities to learn.
4. One question you'll likely need to be prepared to answer during your application process. From your bio, you graduated at 15 from homeschool, right? What have you been up to for the last couple years? Have you done anything to demonstrate leadership or personal progression, such as employment or volunteer work? I'm not looking for answers to those questions, you should just be prepared with the answers.