Whats the funniest thing you've heard over the radio?

[FallingOsh]

That's different than the 4 ship of Vipers taxiing out and someone, I think #4, requested taxi back for a dump. I UTFSF and couldn't find it.

[Guest Almost There]

Out over the Atlantic, heard one airliner ask another about the ride...

In a Jimmy Stewart voice, the questioned airliner snapped back and said, "It's fine... mind your own business!"

Then they went into a back and forth of lines from It's a Wonderful Life. Pretty good imitations, too.

Then there's this one:

Idiot.wav

[Oldboom]

A long time ago (back in the Southern Watch days) us (tanker) were coming back down through the gulf heading back to Bahrain when Redcrown gtes all worked up and starts giving us "Unknown Rider" which we figure out is us. When we convinced them we were not Iranians we told them we were "Snatch" which just happened to be the RTB word of the day and Redcrown comes back with "Unfamiliar with Snatch". Now like any self-respecting Boom Operator could not let something like this go unpunished. However our IP was quicker with the Mic switch than me and told them to look at the direction we were flying, he then turned around and ordered me to not say a word over the radios.

Still wish I had been quicker on the mic.

[Toro]

That's different than the 4 ship of Vipers taxiing out and someone, I think #4, requested taxi back for a dump. I UTFSF and couldn't find it.

Here you go

[BQZip01]

Here you go

Oh...my...

[hd5032]

Here you go

I think the best part of that is the dude that can't stop laughing.

[Vulture]

I think the best part of that is the dude that can't stop laughing.

It's Snooze from Dos Gringos.

[stract]

that explains it

[MadMac]

Funniest thing I've ever heard would be the "new" co-pilot doing an oral tone for a bomb run.

Then hearing him say in the middle of the run, " this is not a break in tone, I just need to take a breath."

Edited January 20, 2009 by MadMac

[Slander]

Heard a dude on victor do his entire g-ex today at CAFB. Then an IP came up and critiqued him. That was pretty funny.

[Skitzo]

Heard a dude on victor do his entire g-ex today at CAFB. Then an IP came up and critiqued him. That was pretty funny.

that darn victor radio on the 38... the only funnier thing was if the IP told him that he'll have plenty of time to work on his g-x in the u-28/nsa

[Slander]

that darn victor radio on the 38... the only funnier thing was if the IP told him that he'll have plenty of time to work on his g-x in the u-28/nsa

It was a t-6 guy, but funny regardless.

[Hercster]

I heard the same thing yesterday. A dude does his g-x whilst his knee keys the mike. Then some other dude calls up and says "nice g-x." It made my day.

[Wolf424]

I was spotter in the RSU one day. We had only 1 aircraft in the pattern, an initial solo Saudi student. We has making his way around the pattern for the first time and hits initial.

SAUDI: "Small XX, Initial"

10 sec later

SAUDI: "SMALL XX, INITIAL"

obviously, no response, so another 10 sec later

SAUDI: In a very angry voice "I SAID, SMALL XX, INITIAL!"

RSU Controller: "ROGER SMALL 31, go ahead and make this a full stop."

On departure from Memphis in a T-6:

Departure: "Rattr XX, I'm going to need you to expedite your climb for traffic, continue current climb rate and accelerate to 250"

Us: "Uh, unable to get 250"

Departure: "How fast can you get at current climb rate?"

Us: "160"

Departure: "**Sigh**"

[amcflyboy]

Had something similar to that about 18 months ago. I just left my base enroute to San Juan for a Guardlift. We were taking the A338 direct to SJU from JFK. Everyone knows that the climb rate for a fully fueled C-130 is next to nothing. The flight time from SCH to JFK is roughly 20 minutes, and we were climbing to FL210.

This is how the conversation went with N.Y. Center:

N.Y.: "Skier XX, I have you going direct to JFK to pick up the A338, correct?"

Me: "That's correct center"

While we were climbing, our climb rate was only about 800-1000 FPM

N.Y.: "Ok then, Skier XX, say MACH number."

Me: "Uh New York, we're 300 True."

N.Y.: "Oh....ok then Skier XX, that's not going to work, stand-by"

Long story short, the week prior, my A/C had did this run and got re-filed out to somewhere in Rhode Island before heading south, probably because the controllers thought they were going to pose a threat to other traffic. Thankfully, New York never did that but instead had us fly at FL190 until we were south of JFK Vortac.

[Guest ATC]

Yesterday at work, I am working approach with a flight data controller next to me. Traffic is light. I terminate VFR advisories to a C-172 going into an uncontrolled airport - and the pilot sounds like she is smokin' hot. The stereotypical conversation ensues off-frequency between the D-side and myself. Meanwhile, I am vectoring for a practice ILS as well as a few other things. Another pilot, again she sounds hot, pops up VFR for some radio/transponder checks. Again, the conversation you might expect off-frequency. Then, someone flying around keys their mic and says, "she sounds hot!" Without missing a beat, the pilot in question informs us all that yes, she is hot and can I check her mode c. Not as entertaining when telling the story, but I had a helluva time maintaining composure for the rest of the traffic. I'll try to pull the tape.

[BQZip01]

Yesterday at work, I am working approach with a flight data controller next to me. Traffic is light. I terminate VFR advisories to a C-172 going into an uncontrolled airport - and the pilot sounds like she is smokin' hot. The stereotypical conversation ensues off-frequency between the D-side and myself. Meanwhile, I am vectoring for a practice ILS as well as a few other things. Another pilot, again she sounds hot, pops up VFR for some radio/transponder checks. Again, the conversation you might expect off-frequency. Then, someone flying around keys their mic and says, "she sounds hot!" Without missing a beat, the pilot in question informs us all that yes, she is hot and can I check her mode c. Not as entertaining when telling the story, but I had a helluva time maintaining composure for the rest of the traffic. I'll try to pull the tape.

You have a story like that and you haven't already pulled the tape. My faith in controllers is waning...

[MCO]

Back in T-6's when we were in the first block a guy was trying to figure out his rudder trim and the radio's, which are both on the PCL

All of a sudden we here over area moniter

"ummm sir somethings wrong with the airplane. My rudder isn't trimming!!!"

then in TC-12's we were going into an uncontrolled airport, making our call that we were on a modified base. As we are short final.

"hey bob are you gunna want it on the next one?"

"Ya bill give me the full load"

"The full load?"

"Ya, the full load"

My IP and I could not stop laughing until we were gear up after the touch and go.

Edited January 30, 2009 by MCO

[BQZip01]

Well, this guy made an interesting call over a radio to the PA system...

[JarheadBoom]

During a recent flight:

About 20 seconds of The Hound War Song... on a kinda-busy Victor freq.

The best part was after the "offender" stopped transmitting.

After 5 seconds of silence on freq (and a shit-ton of laughter in our airplane), some old-sounding dude said "What the hell was that?"

The answer was enthusiastically provided by a young lady flying something for Continental: "That's Dos Gringos!"

[busdriver]

I can only assume this was one of the tanker crews near where we were landing:

Assumed comment: "I could fly a helo, looks like fun."

Actual comment on ground: "Yeah I'd be fun for a few months, but can you imagine flying that thing in the desert? All the heat and sand, flying around at 500 feet, FUUUCK YOU, I want to be at 25 thousand feet."

[Scooter14]

I can only assume this was one of the tanker crews near where we were landing:

Assumed comment: "I could fly a helo, looks like fun."

Actual comment on ground: "Yeah I'd be fun for a few months, but can you imagine flying that thing in the desert? All the heat and sand, flying around at 500 feet, FUUUCK YOU, I want to be at 25 thousand feet."

Wasn't me, but I've had that conversation before.

Edited January 30, 2009 by Scooter14

[Slander]

I know I know, UPT radio stories are :rainbow:

BUT, this one was pretty funny...setup: girl on dollar ride in hammerhead me in RSU, 3 solo studs in pattern.

Girl: "<deep breath> number one <deep breath> static?"

RSU: "number one cleared static"

Girl: "<deep breath> Dollar 69 static. <deep breath> <deep breath> So I just pull right onto the runway sir?"

RSU controller to me (recorder): holy shit, did you just hear that? Give her EBOR (excessive breathing on radio) x 3, IRT (improper radio transmission) and ETOR (excessive time on runway), also give her this remark "PCL works without radio transmit button being pressed"

It was classic. Solo party last night...good times.

[Guest Flyin' AF Hawaiian]

Some radio shennanigans I heard/took part of while at UPT:

We were in early contact, and a dude in my class is going back to the pattern from the area.

IP: "Alright dude, we're going to make this a full stop, so report initial with gas." (As in, how much fuel remaining.)

Stud: "Yes sir. Texan 69 initial, with gas!"

Without missing a beat, the controller comes back with: "Very sorry to hear that."

Me and another student were returning to the pattern on a form ride. We had gotten the dreaded "Camel" callsign. As we approach the check-in point for the pattern:

Me: "Camel check"

Other dude: "Toe!"

[Fozzy Bear]

Over Iraq in the Tanker, part of the leading edge of our left wing started coming off. Like a three foot section of metal flapping in the wind. After a lot of cussing within the cockpit, and finally convincing two F-16s to get away from my boom,

Us to C2: Yeah, we'd like to declare an emergency. We have a structural issue and need direct...

C2: OK, understand emergency, can you still refuel Viper 17?

Me: Uh, no, we have a structural issue and have cleared them off

C2: OK, well, I need you [to go over here] to meet up with Viper 19

Me: What? No, we are an emergency with a structural issue and cannot refuel anyone!

C2: You're saying you can't refuel anyone?

Me: AFFIRM!

C2: OK, I copy. I'm just going to need you to consolidate into a KC-10, OK?

I came so close to just saying, "SUURE!"