Whats the funniest thing you've heard over the radio?

[Tank]

I always loved reporting the point "Squaw Tits" over the radio when flying at DM.

[JarheadBoom]

Revival

Heard on a recent transPac, during an AR cycle:

21 - "Hey Gary, maybe we should ask the boom to glue some hair to the basket for the next cycle, you might be able to get in on the first try."

22 - "Nah, we'll tell him to paint it brown."

23 - "Not funny, guys."

Next cycle...

21 - "Hey Gary, I heard Ace was doing pretty well on the other tanker. So, did you get some bleaching done or what?"

22 - "Oh, dude, that's horrible..."

23 - "Still not funny, guys."

Once the AR was done, one of our FE's (who is a DJ in one of his .civ jobs) pulled an iPod and headphones out of his bag and started hunting for songs. The co asked them if they wanted a little music, the receivers replied affirmatively, the engineer dedicated the first song to Gary in his best DJ voice, and Miley Cyrus's "Party In The USA" went out over AR Primary. We then got to watch a Carolina lawn dart wing-rock and tail-shake to the beat for the duration of the song...

[Lawman]

One of our guys has managed to get the phrase "Roger, Im coming inside you" on at least 2 gun tapes of engagements.

[check6]

not mine but from a buddy...

"N69WW, cleared to land, caution, wake turbulence, T-6 on short final"

Edited July 8, 2012 by check6

[KState_Poke22]

Back in 38s a chick in our flight was heading up to Lincoln on an out and back and she needed a high approach for the grade sheet. Well the south flow high approach has a hilariously named IAF.

The IP gets back and makes us watch the HUD tape. He's already laughing on the tape as she checks in with the controller when he realizes the controller is a chick too and the student says "Duke 69 request the high penetration via COOCH"

[brewskis]

"Duke 69 request the high penetration via COOCH"

It's the gift that keeps on giving for KEND students..

[MXQA]

Cessna XXXXX, trafific is a Caravan, 1 o'clock / 5 miles at 8000 feet - dropping meat missiles.

I laughed all the way to chocks.

Edited July 8, 2012 by MXQA

[Tank]

While flying west of Eielson last summer...

"Anchorage Approach, XXXX 69 level at 10,000 ft with a question"

"XXXX 69, go ahead with your question"

"Anchorage Approach, which mountain is Mt. McKinley?"

"XXXX 69, it is the tallest mountain in all of North America and it is at your 9 o'clock"

Needless to say, we all had our tapes running for future roll calls and we never heard another radio call after that response.

Edited July 11, 2012 by Tank

[BQZip01]

Flying a C-172 into KCEW w/flight following from Eglin Approach

“About three miles ahead you’ve got traffic 12 o’clock, six miles.”

[Techsan]

While being vectored for an ILS to 3L @ Travis:

Travis approach: "Quest 20, turn right heading 370."

Smart ones they are.

[guineapigfury]

While being vectored for an ILS to 3L @ Travis:

Travis approach: "Quest 20, turn right heading 370."

Smart ones they are.

They must have thought you were Chuck Norris. I heard he landed on runway 37 one time.

[JeremiahWeed]

So we were cruising around the world with FRED last week watching the dots pass us by on the NAV display. The opposite direction was pretty busy so we were chatting about planes passing 1k' directly overhead when an Emirates A380 wizzed past. The mic keyed and we heard in a calm (American, strangely) voice "we're bigger than you." We cracked up, but sadly, yes, that's a huge-ass plane. Our only consolation is that our tail won't fall off...

This is best related in person so you can try to do it with an Australian accent.

The Aussies call the -380 the "Flying V@gina" (pronounced "Floying Vagoyna" in Australian).......... Not much to look at but quite nice once you're inside.

Edited July 20, 2012 by JeremiahWeed

[LoneStar]

Transiting by Marshall AAF...

Cessna 69 - center you have time for a question?

Center - Cessna 69, go

Cessna 69 - do you know why the restricted area is restricted?

Center - Cessna 69 it is currently an active bombing range for military B52's, B1 Bombers and Apache helicopters.

Cessna 69 - well danggumb...that's a good reason to have it restricted

Center - sure is

[Spur38]

Waiting for clearance at KLAS:

N12345: "Ground, N12345, Signature, IFR to RNO with Xray ready to taxi"

GND: "Roger 12345 taxi via Alpha to runway 25R.

N12345 Readback...

Interupt by G-5 female pilot: "Ground this is Grumman N456 requesting imediate taxi before N12345"

GND: Negative Grumman 456, in sequence please"

Grumman 456: "Negative ground! You don't understand!. We have an Industry CEO and potential buyer on board this aircraft and demonstrating, we need imediate taxi!"

GND: "Grumman 456, is that a brand new aircraft?"

Grumman 456: Why yes it is! Can we taxi now"?

GND" Wow! A brand new aircraft and it already has a crack in the front seat" Hold your position for taxiing aircraft!"

Lots of laughter in the background, moments of silence on the radio and no response from the Grumman......

[donkey]

The good old:

"Cessna 12345 say altitude?"

"Altitude."

NEGATIVE CESSNA 12345 SAY ALTITUDE!"

Must have been a long day.

[Lawman]

I heard a Female C-12 call out something in conversation out in RC South the other day that had me and my crewmember dying.

"Roger... understand you have a hot load for me?"

[snoopyeast]

Along those sames lines, Pyramid asked someone if they had the boner in sight the other day.

[Cap-10]

Call made to Boston App:

"Boston Approach, Northwest Flt 69, DRUNK with Whiskey".....DRUNK is a reporting point going into Boston Logan, Whiskey was the ATIS.

Cheers,

Cap-10

[jango220]

Along those sames lines, Pyramid asked someone if they had the boner in sight the other day.

I'm sure the conversation went like this:

Pyramid: Tnkr 69, turn north to avoid traffic. Traffic is a B-1, BRAA 360 at 15, co-altitude, tracking south, report in sight

TCAS: *Climb, climb*

[Clayton Bigsby]

The good old:

"Cessna 12345 say altitude?"

"Altitude."

NEGATIVE CESSNA 12345 SAY ALTITUDE!"

Must have been a long day.

Something similar, Coast Guard HH-65 helo transitioning, Mode C turned off or not transmitting (no altitude info on the radar scope). Approach controller - "Coast Guard XXXX, squawk altitude." Coast Guard pilot then dials in his exact current altitude as his 4-digit discreet squawk, and says "How's that, approach?"

I thought it was funny.

[Cap-10]

I'm sure the conversation went like this:

Pyramid: Tnkr 69, turn north to avoid traffic. Traffic is a B-1, BRAA 360 at 15, co-altitude, tracking south, report in sight

TCAS: *Climb, climb*

Tanker then files HATR, which gets routed to fighter bases' chief of flight safety requiring investigation......I really hated that!!!!

Cheers,

Cap-10

[Day Man]

Something similar, Coast Guard HH-65 helo transitioning, Mode C turned off or not transmitting (no altitude info on the radar scope). Approach controller - "Coast Guard XXXX, squawk altitude." Coast Guard pilot then dials in his exact current altitude as his 4-digit discreet squawk, and says "How's that, approach?"

I thought it was funny.

until he's flying at 7500'!

[Right Seat Driver]

Tanker then files HATR, which gets routed to fighter bases' chief of flight safety requiring investigation......I really hated that!!!!

Cheers,

Cap-10

HATRs in the AOR result from people not understanding what the hell is going on.

[SurelySerious]

HATRs in the AOR result from people not understanding what the hell is going on.

That pretty much covers predators.

[Azimuth]

That pretty much covers predators.

And the French.