Airshow Conversations

[MKopack]

Originally posted by Coasta:

From C-17 static display during family day at Boeing Long Beach:

Stoner Surfer Dude: "Dude, can this thing land on the beach?"

Me: "Yeah! Once."

Heard the same while talking to the pilot of one of the NYANG ski-equipped LC-130's "Can this airplane land in the water?"

Mike

[abmwaldo]

Cooter,

Yeah sometimes the landings can be pretty heinous, especially sitting in the back and watching the O2 bottles fall off the wall and clock a random AWO in the head out at the TRS. That'll leave a nasty scar.You can always tell a brand new CP doing their first landing. In their defense, it's pretty hard to land a jet when you have 30+ people hacking on it everytime. As long as the takeoffs equal the landing I'm happy as a pig in slop.

Hacker,

HAHAHA, only question is would it actually work?

[Guest Hoser]

Situation: Airplane parked in a row with about 69 other fighters:

Middle Aged Guy: "What's that plane down there?"

Me: "Could you be more vague?"

Middle Aged Guy: "The one with the HO on it"

Me: "That's a German F-4 Phantom"

Middle Aged Guy: "No it isn't, that's an F-5"

Me: "You know what, you're right."

I'm also a big fan on the parent who, aggrevated with little Johnny, have no problem with letting said brat stand on the top of the ladder and ask 6-9 "Why?" questions. "What's that? That's the altimeter. Why? Becuase I need to know how high the airplane is. Why?.............."

I've autographed everything from programs and posters to baseballs and umbrella's.

Cap-10

[ 23. January 2007, 20:55: Message edited by: Cap-10]

[zrooster99]

I had a run-in with some of the bird watchers at Moldy Hole. I had to drive by the spot right off of flightline road where they had the scaffolding every day going to/from the non-operational side of the base. I was getting ready to go down range and had my camera with me, so I thought I'd go ahead and take their picture since they felt entitled to take mine (and everyone else's on base). I pulled up to the spot, rolled down my pax side window and snapped the pic. Apparently this upset some of them, as I now have proof that the brits do use the single finger wave as well as the two finger variety.

[Guest Rainman A-10]

A-10 static...

"These things saved my ass in 'Nam. Too bad they retired 'em all."

"You fly them green army jets out at the airbase? Them things haul ass, don't they?"

"Is that there the gun?" (while standing at the front of the jet, 6.9 inches from the GAU-8, pointing at the pitot tube)

[Guest FlashEW]

T-43 static at Randolph:

Cletus: Where do the bombs come out of this thing?

Me: This isn't a bomber, it's a 737 just like Southwest flies out of downtown but the inside was modified for nav training.

Cletus: Nah, really? That aint right!

Me: Well if you must know, the bombs come out of the wheel wells, so if we want to drop one we have to lower the landing gear first. And those tubes up there near the nose are the machine guns. Enjoy the rest of your day.

[ 24. January 2007, 01:51: Message edited by: Chubs Peterson ]

[DeHavilland]

After landing my Army helicopter at my Dads farm in WV (Yes, times have changed)-

Cooter-After seeing the engine cowling open, asks, how many cylinders in dat dar engine?

Me-Cooter,(reverting back to native twang)dat dar is a gas turbinnnne engine dat runs on jet fuel. At the time I also got to do a display at my former High School. Now that was cool.

Totally dumbfounded when at an airshow in NC, a 14 year old girl starts explaining the intricate workings and operating characteristics of the mounted IR jammer to her girlfriends!

Neighbor at the BOQ is at the Dayton Airshow when some local walks up to him and says he has a nephew in the Army (yeah, like we all know every pilot!). Turns out the guy was my uncle.

The plane watchers in England are fanatics and will ask for anything you will give them from your acft. One practically begged for my Citation operators manual. Several times we were asked to remove ourselves and our display board to the side so they could take an uncluttered picture.

My favorite is to go with my kids and preload them with questions for the aircrew, like what's your max tire speed, min speed for icing, max speed for full flaps etc. Most of us are ready for Cooters questions and not an EP recital.

We should all remember that a decent answer through often clenched teeth or a patch goes along way to some kid with nothing but a dream. At one time most all of us were on the other side of that rope separating us from the crowd.

[Guest TheBurt]

My dad drove me to an airshow in Lumberton NC after I had joined the guard, the CAPers were parking cars, about 5 cars were parked in a 50 acre grassy field with the "Park Here" signs up, we drive in, no CAPer in sight, my dad parks the pickup, we get out, unload the lawn chairs, we see this kid (dress blues, bloused jump boots, beret, all kind of ropes and flair) running towards us.

CAPer: "you cannot park here"

Dad: "you mean inside the roped off area that says 'Park Here'".

CAPer: "you have to park with the other cars"

Dad: "Son, this is a 50 acre field"

CAPer: "My Commanding officer said you can't park here"

Dad: "Well, we'll see you later son"

CAPer: now yelling at my dad, a man who doesn't take a lot of crap, "My commanding officer says you cannot park here.

We walked away laughing, the CAPer continued to rant at us, I could have sworn he was jumping up and down, but my memory of the incident has faded over the 15 or so years, I'm sure that CAP cadet is on active duty somewhere running a supply squadron, probably Al Udeid.

[Bishop]

To speak on being on the other side (oh wait I still am on the other side :( )

I have in my possession a scanner as well Macdill Airshow 2002, I was listening and watching all the planes come into land and one of the F-16's from DC-ANG had to do 2 landings said "Shit" on the radio. Fast forward to a few hours later at the O-Club Pre show Party I run into some f-16 guys (including Former T-Bird "Lunar") and I say so whos the guy that had to land twice? Not realizing this is a thing to be scoffed at, just being curios what happened and he said "I had to do the lunar landing"

Also I'll never forget this, I was 9 years old at Andrews AFB at the time very chunky (lol still am) In awe by getting to speak to a real live military Pilot (he was at a recruiting booth) I asked him what it takes to be a pilot in the military and he says in a quick reply, "First thing you have to do is lose weight". Not the nicest thing to say to a kid..

[MKopack]

On top of the conversations what have you seen?

"Son, your 'chin-up' bar is an antenna that I really need to have attached for me to fly home..." A-10 pilot

At Dayton one year there was an A-6, preparing to be towed off of the ramp to depart, when some yahoo driving a U-Haul truck, wanting to get one more look, decided to see if it would fit under the stabs. It didn't and crushed a pretty large section of elevator.

Back at MacDill, late 80's. I'd spent some time talking to a Marine EA-6B crew at the Open House, who had posted themselves around the nose of their aircraft. They decided to 'break for lunch' and walked in one direction, as I went the other. Less than a minute later there was a BANG and looking back I could see smoke from the Prowler. A drunken (I'm assuming) ex-AF maintainer bet his buddy that if you open the little door on the nose, and pull the cable out six feet, that nothing would really happen. Fortunatly no one was hit by the canopies as they came down, and fortunatly for them they were 'apprehended' by bystanders on the scene in the probably seconds before the Marines made it back to the jet. Unfortunatly for them, but quite fitting if you think about it, the civilians that 'apprehended' them didn't do it much more gently than I can imagine that the Marines would have.

Mike

[Guest wilco]

Originally posted by DeHavilland:

My favorite is to go with my kids and preload them with questions for the aircrew, like what's your max tire speed, min speed for icing, max speed for full flaps etc. Most of us are ready for Cooters questions and not an EP recital.

My father and I pulled something similar on some of his subordinates. I pretended to be in awe of this warrant-o and asked him plenty of questions.

Eventually, I said that my daddy was the best helicopter pilot in the whole world. The warrant-o asked who my dad was. My dad tapped him on the shoulder and said, "You had to ask?"

[slacker]

Taking the C-130J to airshows is ticket for dumb questions and people arguing about the aircraft capabilities with you.

The most popular questions:

Yokel- "What's the deal with those funny props?"

Me- (after answering the same question 485 times)- "They screw the air better."

Yokel kid- (looking thru the HUD)- "Is this how you aim the gun?"

Me- (after answering the same question 485 times)- "Yes."

Yokel- "my buddy is in the Air Force and he said this plane is junk- it can't even land in the dirt."

Me- "Actually it can, and I have landed it in the dirt plenty of times."

Yokel- "Nope, it can't"

Me- "Yes it can, and I have."

Yokel-"It can't."

Me (walking away)- "Where the hell is the beer girl?"

By far the funniest exchange- (requires a little background) Our "sister"(and I mean sister in the most feminine way possible)unit is the "World Famous Hurricane Hunters." Everytime people ask where we are from, and we say Keesler, the very next thing they ask is- "You guys the Hurricane Hunters?"

I believe it was the Punta Gorda Airshow-

Thunderbird Pilot- "Where you guys out of?"

My buddy - "Keesler"

Thunderbird Pilot -"Hey, you guys the Hurricane Hunters?"

My buddy, without even a pause- "Hey you guys the Blue Angels?"

Thunderbird Pilot - "Ouch."

[F-15E WSO]

<Sarcasm on> The Blue Angels aren't from Nellis <Sarcasm off>

[Guest Hoser]

T-38 static:

As I stood by the gun, I mean pitot tube, I hear a loud thump, the pitter patter of running feet, another thump, and then crying. I turn around and see a baseball rolling under the engine and a 10 year old boy laying flat on his arse with a copious amount of blood running from his fore cranium. Needless to say, dip sh!t one and his brother, dip sh!t two, were playing catch behind the static display, butter fingers missed the curve ball, and didn't see the razor sharp trailing edge of the T-38 Stab as he blindly went running for the ball.

Fast forward about 1 hour later, and dude approaches me and starts *****ing about how hid kid had to get stitches and that there should be some sort of rope or sign warning people about the sharp edges. I couldn't believe it. I remember telling him that as far as I could see, I didn't see any baseball diamonds on the ramp, I reminded him that this was an airshow with airplanes, not a baseball park, then in my attempt to make him feel bad, I asked him how he would feel if I took that plane up in the air and the tail fell off due to the damage that his kids had made from throwing a baseball at it, cauing me to eject and possibily die. He quickly said he didn't think of it that way, said he was sorry, and went on his way. If he had only taken a closer look at the wings, he would have known I was full of crap, becuase CBM had a hail storm a few weeks before this show and the wings looked like Blue Man Group had played their percussion show on the top of the wing with ball peen hammers as drum sticks.

SA can not be measured, it can only be graded!

Cap-10

[ 24. January 2007, 13:16: Message edited by: Cap-10]

[BlackKnight]

A-10 Static:

Dork: "How many turns in the rifling of the gun"

Me: "I have no f**ing idea"

Knucklehead: "You guys flew over me firing that thar gatlin gun and the shells rained down on my humvee"

Me: "The empty casings go back in the drum"

If one more dumbass asks me if the jet slows down when we fire the gun, i'm going to puke.

"You guys land those on carriers, right?"

(pointing to the travel pod) "what kind of bomb is that?"

"MK-69 stink bomb"

Best:

Ultimate wannabe: "Yeah, these jets are pretty cool. My GIRLFRIEND got airman of the year, so they gave ME (civilian teenage dork) a ride in an A-10. I also got a ride in an F-15 and F-14"

Me: "There's no such thing as a (flying) two seat A-10, dumbass" (not that the rest of his story wasn't b.s.)

Many interesting "stories" from airshows, but i don't know if we want to open up that can, do we Toro? Kids read this stuff, right?

Besides combat, airshows are about the most fun you can have in the a.f. Especially after the sun goes down, even better if it's a canadian airshow.

[MKopack]

Originally posted by Barney A-10:

A-10 Static:

(pointing to the travel pod) "what kind of bomb is that?"

"MK-69 stink bomb"

Best:

Ultimate wannabe: "Yeah, these jets are pretty cool. My GIRLFRIEND got airman of the year, so they gave ME (civilian teenage dork) a ride in an A-10. I also got a ride in an F-15 and F-14"

Me: "There's no such thing as a (flying) two seat A-10, dumbass" (not that the rest of his story wasn't b.s.)

Maybe they crammed him into the MK69?

We came in on a weekend to recover a couple of birds due in from an airshow. The pilots said that they'd take care of the travel pods until they found that huge salmon fit through the door a whole lot easier when they're soft and floppy, rather than hard and frozen. We helped out and with a little bit of disassembly and sheetmetal work, no problems...

Originally posted by Barney A-10:

Besides combat, airshows are about the most fun you can have in the a.f. Especially after the sun goes down, even better if it's a canadian airshow.

I second that after years in London, Trenton, Toronto, etc...

Mike

[Guest Sessy]

Originally posted by Barney A-10:

A-10 Static:

Me: "There's no such thing as a (flying) two seat A-10, dumbass" (not that the rest of his story wasn't b.s.)

It actually flew too. (5 minute google search, NOT photo shopped)

But you're right, pimple faced punk didn't ride in one...

cheers!

[Topper]

Yeah pretty sure only two were made. One of them crashed, and the other is in some museum I think.

[BlackKnight]

MKopack got what I was saying to the kid... I am very familiar with the N/AW (night, all weather) 2 seat version of the A-10, of which two were built (yes, one crashed and one is in a museum). However, at the airshow in Oceana, Va (oh, the quotes and stories from doing that show a few times) in the year 2000 it had been a long, long time since they flew.

Can we get back to funny airshow quotes now?

[EvilEagle]

A buddy and I took 2 Eagles to an airshow in Norway a few years ago. Great party, but loads of the same questions. Lots on the ramp (as expected) but some in the hospitality tent:

Brit Jag mx guy: Hey are you the Eagle guys?

Us: Yup

BJMG: What's your real name? (Had my Evil nametag on)

Me: Capt so & so...

BJMG: Oh Capt so&so, you are the pilot for 86-160, and you fly with the "Hitman" callsign don't you?

US: Uh... geez...

TY airshow a few years ago...

Old dude: When did we used to fly these birds?

Me: (standing next to one of 75 Eagles on the ramp) Uh, yesterday I think...

Old dude: Really? I didn't think we flew anything that wasn't brand new.

Me: What country are you from? Do they need pilots there?

[Berry]

Way back in '02, we flew an EC-130 into Little Rock for their air show. Talk about Cletus bringing his entire family...

By the end, I had them believing there were bombs hanging off the wings, the utility hydraulic reservoir was our coffee pot, and the antennas hanging off the back were for some sort of circus trapeze act.

"2" on the fact that someone will read your "background/mission" sign for ten minutes and then ask you what you do.

[Bishop]

So aside form funny ones, what do you guys tend to enjoy talking to people about. What would be a good conversation you would have with an average joe that wouldnt have him wakling away and you thinking the guy is totally retarded? I always like to ask how they got their callsigns, or their most memorable flight... things like that

[Guest Rainman A-10]

Admit it Evil, the conversation went something more like this...

Originally posted by EvilEagle:

A buddy and I took 2 Eagles to an airshow in Norway a few years ago. Great party, but loads of the same questions. Lots on the ramp (as expected) but some in the "hospitality" tent:

Brit Jag mx guy: Hey are you the Eagle guys?

Us: Yup

BJ mg: So, you want to hook up later?

Me: You're a crew chief, right?

BJ mg: Sir, yes sir.

Me: In that case...Oh hell yeah!

[Guest scottaxelson]

Ive done 4 airshows in my short air force career but have gotten plenty of dumb questions. The B-52 has to be one of top getters for dumb questions. Everyone has heard of it, but most people dont realize theyre looking at one, or what it does, etc etc.

Some good ones Ive gotten:

"You guys fly this thing here?"

"Whats MT on the tail stand for? Montana?" Shortly after telling them were out of MINOT!!!!

Parent to kid "Son this is the plane that dropped the atomic bombs on hiroshima and nagasaki" - Im standing RIGHT NEXT to him as hes saying this trying not to bust out laughing...

"Is this the jet army guys jump out of?"

"Navigator? What do you do?"

"Do you fly the blue angels?"

"How come theres no windows downstairs? How do you see where your going or where to drop the bombs?"

"My dad used to work on these back in WW2"

"Where is the tail gun?"

"How many bombs can this carry?" (While looking at the GIANT FREAKING SIGN pointing out our payload.)

"Can this thing do loops?"

Ok thats enough, keep in mind thats ONLY 4 airshows worth...but I agree with the stories too. I have plenty of them as well, from spirit missions, to what you tell the local trim what you do for a living. (another post I believe a while back) Airshows are a great time!

One last quote, this is not mine but a good friend of mine who was a radar nav when I was just starting out. He was at an airshow and an OLD woman approached him...

Old Woman "how come this jet has wrinkles on all over it" (noticing the wrinkles on the side of the buff)

him: "Its old, old things get wrinkles."

The old woman walked away pretty upset...

[DeHavilland]

Greenville, SC

Local-Speaking to a navy guy/acft, "I didn't know we had any navy here."

Pilot-"Well, actually we are just an advance party for the carrier USS Nimitz. We are bringing up the river (more of a local creek) to get new seat covers put on it."

Local-Oh, OK...