Airshow Conversations

[Guest BritCabDriver]

Many moons ago there was an RAF bomber called the Victor:

Just after it came into service it was taken to an airshow in the US.

Yokel (like most of them mentioned here, stood right next to the info board): Whats this then?

Crew: Its a Victor.

Yokel: Why's it look so funny?

Crew: Because it also goes underwater.

Yokel: Really?

Crew: Oh yeah, we took off from England, dived just West of Ireland, 3000 miles underwater and came up again just off New York.

Yokel: Cool!

[MKopack]

Originally posted by BritCabDriver:

Many moons ago there was an RAF bomber called the Victor:

But you have to admit, that even more than the Vulcan, the Victor was a pretty bizarre looking acft.

They were all K.'s by the time I first saw them in the late 70's, and I only ever got to see a single one fly, but at the time it seemed that if there was an airshow anywhere in Canada - there was a Victor (the word on the Canadian shows is worldwide).

Pilot told me that when they scrambled from the UK with the Phantoms, to intercept Bears over the North Atlantic, with their high cruise speed and virtually unlimited fuel supply, half the time the tankers ended up making the initial intercept...

Mike

[BlackKnight]

Originally posted by Bishop:

So aside form funny ones, what do you guys tend to enjoy talking to people about. What would be a good conversation you would have with an average joe that wouldnt have him wakling away and you thinking the guy is totally retarded? I always like to ask how they got their callsigns, or their most memorable flight... things like that

Dude, don't worry about it. Sure, we make fun of folks but I'd bet most of us would tell you that answering questions is a small price to pay for a fun weekend at an airshow, and I enjoy meeting the folks and the kids (I was one at many airshows once, asking all sorts of silly questions). I don't really expect people to know all about the jets and military. Ask away.

Plus, for every funny story or dumb question there's a great one, like meeting a WWII B-24 ball turret gunner and having him tell me all about his time in combat and giving me a personal tour of a B-24 that just happened to be at the show. Or the guy who's face was still lame on one side due to muscle damage from bullet wounds he suffered during Desert Storm- all he wanted to do was sit in an A-10. I was more than happy to accomodate- made his day and mine.

Barney

[TreeA10]

Airshow at McConnell, I got the "These things saved my ass in Nam." Must have been the same guy that wandered past Rainman.

Same airshow, some yokel dad with his son comes wandering up. Dad is explaining the A-10 to his kid, points at the empty chaff/flare dispensers, and says, "This is where the jet exhuast comes out when the jet hovers."

Tree

[MKopack]

Just to show that sometimes the shoe can fit on the other foot as well, I've had the opportunity to spend quite a bit of time with 'The Starfighters' airshow team and their beautiful F-104's.

At the 'hangar party' at Shaw back in '05, we were hanging out by the beer table (who'd have thought) when a group of young Viper pilots walked by and asked Dave, one of our pilots, if he flew the Starfighter (not that the bag he was wearing or patches might give it away). You could tell that were just trying to be polite to the somewhat older (trying to word this so Dave doesn't kick my @ss) pilot, and weren't really all that interested. As Dave said yes, and answered a couple of quick questions about the jet, JR (the teams Director of Ops) leaned over to me and whispered "Hey, watch this..." then spoke up, saying "Hey Dave, why don't you tell them about your MiG's?" Jaws dropped and they all did double-takes when they noticed Dave Waldrop's '100 Missions NVN - F-105' patch and he told them about 'gunning' one (or maybe two) 17's, with the gunsight inop on his Thud.

Half an hour later they were all following him around like little lost puppies...

Mike

[Wing Sweep]

Ten year old kid talking to his buddy, standing in front of static Buff:

"Dude, these planes only get flown from museums to airshows. They're like 50 years old and for their 50th birthday day all got a new gray paint job."

[Guest IGB]

This wasn't a conversation per se, but was entertaining none the less...

While sitting a Static at the EDW airshow on the KC-10, a kid was walking in the back on the cargo floor and playing on the rollers. He slipped and fell and his mom didn't yell at him for playing on the cargo rollers. Instead, she says something like, "You're lucky you didn't cut yourself there. If you leave blood here they will take it, and the military will clone more of you."

Edited February 24, 2007 by IGB

[Berry]

This wasn't a conversation per se, but was entertaining none the less...

While sitting a Static at the EDW airshow on the KC-10, a kid was walking in the back on the cargo floor and playing on the rollers. He slipped and fell and his mom didn't yell at him for playing on the cargo rollers. Instead, she says something like, "You're lucky you didn't cut yourself there. If you bleed they will take your blood and the military clone you."

:confused:

[Gravedigger]

At an airshow in North Carolina.

White trash man to his kids: "see that thur smoke comin out that plane....that's his exhawst. They just have a switch up in that pilot's seat wur he can just turn the exawst off...that's when it goes away. I used ta build them thangs."

When I thought it couldn't get any more retarded...I heard people all around me saying things like "thats what I thawt" and "I done told you it was Billy"

EDIT: They were WINGTIP smoke cans.

[ 25. January 2007, 21:51: Message edited by: c17wannabe ]

[HeloDude]

Conversation with a girl I knew about flying N model Huey's

Me: We have 2 engines

Her: No you don't, you have one

Me: No, we have 2

Her: Look up top, there's only one prop thingy'

Me: Hmmm, and the other day I could have swore I started 2 engines

Or a good airshow conversation:

Kid: Does this thing have any guns on it?

My friend (while flexing and pointing to her biceps): Just the ones I take on the helicopter with me

[M2]

By the way, apparently back in 2005 they dragged 73-1664 out of the desert back and into the paint barn. She now sits inside a hanger at the Flight Test Center Museum, looking very sweet!

(Click on pic for man-sized version)

Cheers! M2

[Guest SQUARE PAIR]

Just can't pass on sharing this gem.

I'm sitting with another guy on a static display in Podunkville. Up walks a lady with her 10 year-old-ish son:

Kid: Wow, that's so cool - I wanna be a pilot one day.

My friend: Well, it's a lotta fun.

Mom: Go ahead and ask him

Kid: Um, what do you have to do to be a pilot?

My friend: Well, stay out of trouble, listen to your parents, get good grades . . .

Kid: Even in math?

My friend: Especially in math.

Kid: Awwwww, I HATE math!

(without missing a beat)

My friend: Well, the world needs ditch-diggers.

End of conversation.

[Guest KellyViperStud]

The studs at Kelly got to work the airshow static, most of us are single, no probs, heard the stories, looking forward to it.

Things working well, some nice local talent. Two seem very patriotic. Try to open the canopy to give her a peek inside, won't open, look like an idiot "It's usually opened for me" humm. Play it off, they are going to come back later, they do, no harm, no foul.

See the MX officer walking up with his kids. Small talk, "Hey, I tried to open the canopy, didn't work". MX , "that's because we disconnected the battery, there's always one idiot that tries to open a canopy at an airshow, you would spend the next six hours fighting off the crowd and we would spend a whole day diggin crap out of the cockpit".

Copy. Have a nice day. It's not always the yokels that feel like idiots.

[Guest twinkle toes]

My favorite:

I am a crew chief on the f-16 sitting in the cockpit in my bdu's and the pilot is standing rigth next to the ladder in his flight suit(pajamas).

Special Ed: You fly this thing?

me: No I am the crew chief, I do most of the maintenacnce.

Spec Ed: So did you fly it here?

me: YEP!

also love going to airshows (in civies) and asking the usual a-10 guys selling shells used over afghani or iraq and asking if they went back and picked them up after straffing.

[Herk Norris]

My 3 personal favorites

Numero Uno

Toothless Local "How fast that thayer' Jet Truck Go"

My Bud: "Mach 3"

Number Two

Local while looking at the Tip Tanks of the C-21

"So are them sum bitches heat seekin' missles on the White One"

My Bud, after hiding his face for appx. 10 sec: "Yes sir they are"

And the Best for Last

Downtown in a bar at an Airshow that shall remain nameless, a chick walks up to me in my bag and no shit honest to god says "How come the Blue Angels flying suits have tighter crotches than the Green Ones"

Me: "They get them tailored"

[Guest Hey Nav]

I couldn't just let this thread disappear, these are hilarious!

Any of you who have ever boarded a C-130 through the crew entrance door know that you normally have to duck a little as you climb the stairs so you don't bump your head on the smooth upper edge of the entryway.

Well at airshows (and sometimes just boarding pax in general), we used to stand up on the flight deck as passengers were coming aboard. You wait until they are on the second or third step, when suddenly your voice (coming from above them) warns them politely "Watch your head, please!"

And of course, they look up and "BUMP"! Works everytime...

[HerkFE]

I couldn't just let this thread disappear, these are hilarious!

Any of you who have ever boarded a C-130 through the crew entrance door know that you normally have to duck a little as you climb the stairs so you don't bump your head on the smooth upper edge of the entryway.

Well at airshows (and sometimes just boarding pax in general), we used to stand up on the flight deck as passengers were coming aboard. You wait until they are on the second or third step, when suddenly your voice (coming from above them) warns them politely "Watch your head, please!"

And of course, they look up and "BUMP"! Works everytime...

They must teach that in Nav school. The Nav that I flew with the most in the desert loved doing that.

"Watch your head, thud. Watch your head, thud. Watch your head, thud......"

[Guest Hey Nav]

Another one. I was seated in the nav chair when a 10 year old boy and his Mom came up on the flight deck. We greeted them properly, and it was the usual exchange in conversation about the airplane and mission, and both of them had intelligent questions.

You know how people like this Mom and 10-year old boy pass the basic hello test and you feel comfortable with them, you understand they're not idiots and that makes it a very pleasant experience.

So the ten year old boy asks me "Do you know Dave Smith?". Now I was ready for this, A-Ha! the stupid question has finally reared its ugly head. But then I felt a little guilty about swinging the sarcasm, so I politely entertained his question anyway with another question.

"Why yes, I know a few Dave Smiths, does the Dave Smith you know fly in a C-130 in the Air Force?"

"No, he still has to graduate from high school, but he's thinking of joining the Marines after".

[Bluto]

This was a story told to me at a B-2 static.

He was a mover and awhile back he moved a very old man that seemed crippled. Once they reached the new house he took off his disguise and was about 40 years old. The disguised individual began to tell the mover all about UFOs and alien technology and how the U.S. government gave all of the major corporations a piece of the alien technology so not just one could have it. Apparently this is why the B-2 is alien technology and why many different companies has a part in it. He went on for about 10-15 min about this and I really didn't know what to say!

[sputnik]

Mymemories of airshows mainly involve gritting teeth, but my favorite story came from back in the days when we still more or less had a nuke mission. Friend of a friend was sitting in a B1 static when the standard mom and young kid came on board. "Isn't this nice Jimmy? So, let's ask this nice pilot what this plane was designed to do?"

"To kill tens of thousands of people."

Quick exit.

[HerkDerka]

"Watch your head, thud. Watch your head, thud. Watch your head, thud......"

A classic. My other favorite is when the civies come to see the planes leave the next day. Crank up, taxi by them, and watch them cover their ears from the noise. Wait until you're just about to pass and then wave at them and watch them take their hands off their ears and wave back. Never fails.

HD

[TacAirCoug]

The Scott AFB Airshow Airboss had this to say on freq while updating us on his plans to clear us inbound for a personnel drop last weekend. Just imagine some old timer from deep in the heart of Texas keying the mic:

"OK, the [Military Working] dogs should be done in about 2 minutes and then....HAHAHAHAHA, OH MAN! THIS ATTACK DOG JUST TOOK THAT GUY OUT! HAHAHAHAHAHA"

That guy was the highlight of the show, I couldn't wait for each time he keyed the mic.

[Guest Hey Nav]

Not an airshow story, but one that involves airport ops and staffers/newsies. I used to do advance agent work, what a great job (well, additional duty). On Pres. George H.W. Bush's very last overseas trip as the Prez, one of their stops was Moscow to sign the START II nuclear agreement with Boris Yeltsin. Though it was originally intended to be at Sochi (their apparent resort area), but that's another story. It ended up being Moscow, with snow and ice everywhere, and at or about 30 below in Jan, 1993.

Having only 36 hours to put all of the logistical support together, it was no surprise that a few details fell between the cracks. When they were departing Sheremetyevo (near Spacely Sprockets, or the terminal building for those who have been there), there was a red carpet extending from the main stairs out near the end of the wing tip in length. And it was lined on both sides with photographers and newsies to record and document the event--the last time "H.W." would formally see "Boris" while as President.

I pre-briefed the press at the side that when it was time for the jet to depart, I would say three words over and over (Bistro Nozad Pahzalsta (which I learned from my Berlitz for travelers books, confirmed by the USDAO there)... spelling probably not right, but it meant "Quickly, Back-up, Please". BTW, bistro is a Russian word...

Well when H.W. got to the top of the steps, the good-bye was rather long, constantly waving back and forth to each other. Boris was standing at "his" door on the driver's side of a stretch limo that was facing the same direction as the nose of the airplane, right off the left wing tip.

When H.W. finally ended the waving and entered the jet, the #3 and #4 engines were already cranking. So now it was time to quickly get the staffers and newsies away from the jet pronto. "BISTRO NOZAD PAHZALSTA, BISTRO NOZAD PAHZALSTA", signaling with my hands for them to get away. #1 and #2 start, and the jet starts taxiing forward making a hard right turn out of parking. Some of the newsies decided to escape the blast by moving aft. Bad move. Boris ducked into the limo, he was good to go. When the jet turned, I watched those going aft suddenly taken off their feet with their equipment and sliding along the ice with the jet blast as their vector and thrust. They slid for at least a couple hundred feet. One of the most comical things I have ever seen.

Edited July 11, 2007 by Hey Nav

[JarheadBoom]

My favorite (??) airshow questions when showing the CH-53E (most of which are repeats):

"So, how did you get this thing here?"

"Why is it so dirty?"

"Are those bombs?" [650gal. aux fuel tanks on the sponsons]

"Is that a gun on the front?" [AR probe]

"Are those ejection seats?" [No.]

- I actually had a brief discussion with a civilian at an airshow (I think it was at Selfridge) about this one - he insisted the pilots crashworthy seats were ejection seats because he could "see the rails the seats ride up on." I told him they were crashworthy, not ejection, seats, and he rather forcefully told me I had no clue what I was talking about. I was about to ask him to leave the aircraft when one of the pilots stuck his head in the crew door and said "Sir, I'm the Aircraft Commander, and the squadron's Maintenance Officer. That young man tells me whether or not the aircraft is safe to fly on, so you can rest assured that he knows PRECISELY what he's talking about!" I didn't think a person's face could turn so red and not have some sort of ailment...

Best part of the whole episode - "Watch your head on the way out, sir", followed by the THUD of his empty melon thumping the utility hoist over the crew door, followed by the laughter of the other airshow visitors who witnessed the whole charade.

[brabus]

he rather forcefully told me I had no clue what I was talking about.

I love these stories about civilian's telling aircrew they don't know what they're talking about. Seriously, what the hell goes through these peoples' minds when they start telling an aircrew member they don't know anything about their profession. It's simply amazing. I think the next time I go to the dentist I'm going to tell him he's flossing my teeth all wrong.