What the Captain Means....

[Wang Wei]

NSFW

Edited November 29, 2008 by ClearedHot

[SuperWSO]

OUTSTANDING!! I've heard a cassette copy of this from my dad, and "What the Captain means..." has always been a line in frequent use. I'm glad to see a little heritage pop up. This should be a module in SOS/ACSC.

[M2]

A classic piece of Air Force history!

Cheers! M2

[Guest Fogo]

Not that anything could touch a classic piece of history... But what I'd give to see a modern day "Deid version" of this done.

...Hmm

[brickhistory]

Surely, today's generation with the gee-whiz electronics as part of the standard cell phone/tricorder/portable Death Star package can do something updated.

[Marco]

Have seen that vid before, always cracks me up.

[B*D*A]

Awesome! I first heard it on one of Dick Jonas' CDs. A close second for me is Yay-Boo! I couldn't find a place to listen to it online but you can get "What the Capt Means" and "Yay-Boo" on 'The Rowdies' from Itunes or Amazon.

[Champ Kind]

Pure gold.

Don't touch it, leave it alone. Don't pussify it with a "Died" version. To do so would imply that the mentality in today's Air Force is half of what it was back then. Face it - those guys were "warriors". You heard it - they are talking about dodging missiles, pushing through flak, and banging Asian chicks. What would a Died one be like? Reflective belts? Sock police? Give me a break.

[Guest Fogo]

Pure gold.

Don't touch it, leave it alone. Don't pussify it with a "Died" version. To do so would imply that the mentality in today's Air Force is half of what it was back then. Face it - those guys were "warriors". You heard it - they are talking about dodging missiles, pushing through flak, and banging Asian chicks. What would a Died one be like? Reflective belts? Sock police? Give me a break.

Well understood, and don't worry, I was fishing for that kind of reply.

This is one young guy who wishes it was like the old days even though he wasn't there for them.

[Butters]

would a Died one be like? Reflective belts? Sock police? Give me a break.

What the Captain means is, reflective belts save lives and are valuable tools use to keep our Airman safe in combat, sock police play an equally important role in safeguarding our freedoms by enforcing little know uniform standards, and he would be happy to support the Wg/CC and his policies.

[Container STS]

MAG-phukin'-NIFICENT Capitan!

To those who came before us!

[Guest r6pilot]

That was awesome. And the full text if you want it...

"WHAT THE CAPTAIN MEANS"

Correspondent: Captain, what is your opinion of the F-4C Phantom?

Captain: It's so ######in' maneuverable you can fly up your own ass with it.

PAO: What the Captain means is that he has found the F-4C Phantom highly maneuverable at all altitudes, and he considers it an excellent aircraft for all missions assigned.

Correspondent: I suppose, Captain, that you've flown a certain number of missions over North Vietnam. What do you think of the SAMs used by the North Vietnamese?

Captain: Why, those bastands couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a bass fiddle. We fake the shit out of them. There's no sweat.

PAO: What the Captain means is that the surface-to-air missiles around Hanoi pose a serious problem to our air operations and that the pilots have a healthy respect for them.

Correspondent: I suppose, Captain, that you've flown missions to the South. What kind of ordnance do you use, and what kind of targets do you hit?

Captain: Well, I'll tell you, mostly we aim at kicking the shit out of Vietnamese villages; and my favorite ordnance is napalm. Man, that stuff sucks the air out of their friggin' lungs and makes a sonovabitchin' fire.

PAO: What the Captain means is that air strikes in South Vietnam are often against Viet Cong structures and all operations are always under the positive control of forward air controllers, or FACs. The ordnance employed is conventional 500- and 750-pound bombs and 20-mm cannon fire.

Correspondent: I suppose you spent a R & R in Hong Kong. What were your impressions of the Oriental girls?

Captain: Yeah, I went to Hong Kong. As for those Oriental broads, well, I don't care which way the runway runs, east or west, north or south--a piece of ass is a piece of ass.

PAO: What the Captain means is that he found the delicately featured Oriental girls fascinating, and he was very impressed with their fine manners and thinks their naivete' is most charming.

Correspondent: Tell me, Captain, have you flown any missions other than over North and South Vietnam?

Captain: You bet your sweet ass I've flown other missions. We get scheduled nearly every day on the trail in Laos where those ######ers over there throw everything at you but the friggin' kitchen sink. Even the goddamn kids got slingshsots.

PAO: What the Captain means is that he has occasionally been scheduled to fly missions in the extreme western DMZ, and he has a healthy respect for the flak in that area.

Correspondent: I understand that no one in your fighter wing has got a MIG yet. What seems to be the problem?

Captain: Why you screwhead, if you knew anything about what you're talking about--the problem is MIGs. If we'd get scheduled by those peckerheads at Seventh for those missions in MIG valley, you can bet your ass we'd get some of those mothers. Those glory hounds at Ubon get all those missions, while we settle for fightin' the friggin' war. Those mothers at Ubon are sitting on their fat asses killing MIGs, and we get stuck with bombing the goddamned cabbage patches.

PAO: What the Captain means is that each element in the Seventh Air Force is responsible for doing its assigned job in the air war. Some units are assigned the job of neutralizing enemy air strength by hunting out MIGs and other elements are assigned bombing missions and interdiction of enemy supply routes.

Correspondent: Of all the targets you've hit in Vietnam, which one was the most satisfying?

Captain: Well, shit, it was when we were scheduled for that suspected VC vegetable garden. I dropped napalm in the middle of the ######in' cabbage, and my wingman splashed it real good with six of those 750-pound mothers and spread the fire all the way to the friggin' beets and carrots.

PAO: What the Captain means is that the great variety of tactical targets available throughout Vietnam makes the F-4C the perfect aircraft to provide flexible response.

Correspondent: What do you consider the most difficult target you've stuck in North Vietnam?

Captain: The friggin' bridges. I must have dropped 40 tons of bombs on those swayin' bamboo mothers, and I ain't hit one of the bastards yet.

PAO: What the Captain means is that interdicting bridges along enemy supply routes is very important and that bridges present quite a difficult target. The best way to accomplish this task is to crater the approaches to the bridge.

Correspondent: I noticed, in touring the base, that you have aluminum matting on the taxiways. Would you care to comment on its effectiveness and usefulness in Vietnam?

Captain: You're ######in' right. I'd like to make a comment. Most of us pilots are well hung, but shit, you don't know what hung is until you get hung up on one of the friggin' bumps on that goddamn stuff.

PAO: What the Captain means is that the aluminum matting is quite satisfactory as a temporary expedient but requires some finesse in taxiing and braking the aircraft.

Correspondent: Did you have an opportunity to meet your wife on leave in Honolulu, and did you enjoy the visit with her?

Captain: Yeah, I met my wife in Honolulu, but I forgot to check the calendar, so the whole five days were friggin' vell combat- proof--a completely dry run.

PAO: What the Captain means is that it was wonderful to get together with his wife and learn firsthand about the family and how things were at home.

Correspondent: Thank you for your time, Captain.

Captain: Screw you--why don't you bastards print the real story, instead of all that crap?

PAO: What the Captain means is that he enjoyed this opportunity to discuss his tour with you.

Correspondent: One final question. Could you reduce your impression of the war into a simple phrase or statement, Captain?

Captain: You bet your ass I can. It's a ######ed up war.

PAO: What the Captain means is . . . it's a ######ED UP WAR.

Looks like it's on this disc with a bunch of other great fighter pilot songs. You can listen to them for free.

https://cdbaby.com/cd/dickjonas1

Edited December 1, 2008 by r6pilot