Guest lovemyflyboy Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 If he's worth it, you'll make it work. I would consider myself to be a "needy" person too, especially compared to someone like Kayla (who's also on this board). Can I handle myself when my husband isn't around? Yes. Do I prefer him to be around as opposed to gone? Of course. Do I have moments of "falling apart" when he's not around? Occassionally. But in the end is all worth it? 150% And I *think* that even when they're deployed, you still have contact with them occassionally through phone and email. My advice to you would be to cross those bridges when you get there. We ALL have these exact questions when our significant others are going to UPT, and the honest truth is that no one has the answers for you right now, and they probably won't for a few years down the road. Just worry about your relationship now and worry about a few years down the road when you get there. =)
The Kayla Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 If he's worth it, you'll make it work. I would consider myself to be a "needy" person too, especially compared to someone like Kayla (who's also on this board). I'm not that bad, am i? :-) To the OP: Anyone can tell you that your relationship is doomed. It will take the TWO of you to keep it working. Yes, there will be times where you will be the one putting in most of the effert, but, if it's ment to be, it will be.
Guest platow Posted December 12, 2008 Posted December 12, 2008 I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months and he is getting commisioned and leaving for UPT in march. I keep being told that i need to get used to the idea of not having a whole lot of contact with him. People also keep telling me that i need to decide now if i can handle the "military lifestyle" and if i have any doubts to jump ship now... for it to be fair to him. I kinda feel like he gives me the nice version of being in a relationship with someone in the airforce. I really love him, but i admit i can be a needy person at times, which i realize is not the best personality type for someone who is with a military man but.... i can't much change who i am. i guess what i am asking is, what are the op schedules usually like? how frequently will he be gone once he finished with UPT at a time and for how long. what are the wrost case scenarios and what are the best. any advice about my situation? I don't think anyone can really tell you about the "military lifestyle" because it is different for everyone. My husband and I have been together for over 4 years, we only got married about 4 months ago. It was a change for me, but it was a good change. You have to find things to occupy your time, and they one good thing about the military is they have programs out there to keep the spouses busy and to try and help them when the husbands or wives are gone on deployment. I'm sure that if you love him enough, it will be hard, but you'll handle it. and I agree with Kayla, if it's meant to be it will be. You just have to support him and be happy with whatever happens. Good luck!
Guest Skelly'sAunt Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 FF, I'm not going to lie, I can understand how daunting your situation may seem...I am not dating a guy in UPT, but I'm at nav school and I have a really serious boyfriend at Tyndall for ABM training, so I can sympathize. No, I don't know how busy UPT is, but I've heard many stories about how ridiculously busy you are. That being said, both halves of my relationship are in really demanding training programs and we definitely make it work. We had been dating a year when we started our separation and it has definitely sucked in ways I can't imagine. BUT, no matter HOW busy you are, it's too easy with texting/e-mail/webcam to "see" eachother several times a day/every day. If you guys are happy and committed, there isn't a "too busy." The times of incommunicado will come later during deployments. But not to worry about that now. Just focus on the day to day, that's what I do. You're justified in being worried and anxious about what's to come. But, trust me, I know it sucks...and is survivable. I just landed a few hours ago from a nice long Christmas break with my boo and our families, so it's a fresh wound. And I can still tell you with certainty that it's totally doable. Good luck! -BT
brabus Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 BUT, no matter HOW busy you are, it's too easy with texting/e-mail/webcam to "see" eachother several times a day/every day. If you guys are happy and committed, there isn't a "too busy." Maybe some days towards the end of UPT, but I think it's foolish to not be prepared. He's going to be incredibly busy and no, he won't have time to webcam/chat on line most days during the week. Hell, I lived w/ my wife during UPT and most nights all she got was 15 min of watching me shovel food in my mouth. I'm not saying you'll have no contact with each other, but you will come 2nd to UPT much of the time. Don't be offended when he doesn't call you for a few days at a time or tells you he can't talk tonight because he has to study. That's the way it's going to be...accept it. If you guys really do well together, you can and will get through this, but it's very important to realize just how busy he will be and how little time he will have for you.
The Kayla Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Maybe some days towards the end of UPT, but I think it's foolish to not be prepared. He's going to be incredibly busy and no, he won't have time to webcam/chat on line most days during the week. Hell, I lived w/ my wife during UPT and most nights all she got was 15 min of watching me shovel food in my mouth. I'm not saying you'll have no contact with each other, but you will come 2nd to UPT much of the time. Don't be offended when he doesn't call you for a few days at a time or tells you he can't talk tonight because he has to study. That's the way it's going to be...accept it. If you guys really do well together, you can and will get through this, but it's very important to realize just how busy he will be and how little time he will have for you. I have to completely agree with Mike here. When you hear about the 12 hr shifts plus the extra hours to study, that's not a lie.
Guest Taurus12 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Maybe some days towards the end of UPT, but I think it's foolish to not be prepared. He's going to be incredibly busy and no, he won't have time to webcam/chat on line most days during the week. Hell, I lived w/ my wife during UPT and most nights all she got was 15 min of watching me shovel food in my mouth. I'm not saying you'll have no contact with each other, but you will come 2nd to UPT much of the time. Don't be offended when he doesn't call you for a few days at a time or tells you he can't talk tonight because he has to study. That's the way it's going to be...accept it. If you guys really do well together, you can and will get through this, but it's very important to realize just how busy he will be and how little time he will have for you. I have to completely agree with Mike here. When you hear about the 12 hr shifts plus the extra hours to study, that's not a lie. I would actually have to DISAGREE with both of these guys...and I would hope that I'm a pretty good source as I literally just went though exactly what you're talking about. Now, to be very honest, the scenario that they suggest is far and away what most guys are like with UPT, like 99%. I disagree because I know from practical experience that it doesn't have to be that way and I talked to my then boyfriend/now husband every single day he was in UPT and webcammed with him pretty much every night while we were first dating and I lived 6 hrs away. That said, he is an EXTREMELY talented pilot who has been flying since he was 12 and probably could've been #1 in his class had he decided to be like everyone else instead of making me the priority. In his own words he decided he'd rather be flying a slightly lesser plane and have me as his wife than a lonely F-22 pilot. THIS IS NOT THE NORM from what I have seen though. And it is true that I was the only one making the 6 hr each way drive every other weekend to see him because it was out of his travel restrictions and many other things that should normally be split 50/50. The best advice I can give you is to allow this to be a great test for whether it is a good idea to pursue the relationship. If you can handle picking up the extra slack and everything that is necessary, that's a good sign because it's not going to change after UPT or ever. It's also a good test of where his priorities are going to lie. Look for things like does he make the necessary time to talk to you? This has to have limits and there will always be some nights that they really are too busy, but what does he make a priority? The answers to those questions are going to be things that aren't going to change after UPT and they're the answers you need to decide if you can live with and want for the rest of your life. One of the guys my husband just graduated with was scheduled for graduation, survival training, and straight to a six month deployment right off the bat. My husband was actually gone for the entire month before our wedding and got back the Saturday before we were married for survival, he was there with a guy who arrived literally the day after his wedding. This stuff is standard in the AF, but you just have to decide what's worth it.
brabus Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Taurus, I realize everyone's situation is different and I'm glad yours worked for you guys. However, I'll point out myself and many dudes I know kept a schedule like that during the week, are still flying what we really wanted and are still happily married. I hate to say it, but "he could have...." is a weak excuse and I don't want any new people coming on here and getting the false idea that you can either stay married or work hard and get what you really want. You CAN have both, and if your wife will only settle for the first way, then you married the wrong chick. This lifestyle does put added stress on wives, but they need to be understanding of the fact they chose to marry a guy who does not work a standard 9-5. They knew it going in (or at least should have had some clue). Saying it's either a happy marriage/reduced performance or a crappy marriage/best performance is a bunch of bull.
Guest Taurus12 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Taurus, I realize everyone's situation is different and I'm glad yours worked for you guys. However, I'll point out myself and many dudes I know kept a schedule like that during the week, are still flying what we really wanted and are still happily married. I hate to say it, but "he could have...." is a weak excuse and I don't want any new people coming on here and getting the false idea that you can either stay married or work hard and get what you really want. You CAN have both, and if your wife will only settle for the first way, then you married the wrong chick. This lifestyle does put added stress on wives, but they need to be understanding of the fact they chose to marry a guy who does not work a standard 9-5. They knew it going in (or at least should have had some clue). Saying it's either a happy marriage/reduced performance or a crappy marriage/best performance is a bunch of bull. Well, I guess I can only comment based on the limited experience I have had. The guy who DID end up #1 in his class literally spent every second of every day obsessed with UPT, ironically his goal WAS to become an astronaut lol, but it also cost him. My husband could've done the same in order to compete with this guy but he chose not to. My main point was, you can only have one top priority in life and UPT is a great place to see what that's going to be. I also didn't tell anyone to jump ship if they're not the main priority. If that's how they want their marriage to be and they're ok with it, go for it, but simply be aware of it.
slacker Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I was married, and had my 1st kid during UPT. Still did well, it wasn't that big of a deal.
The Kayla Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Ok, I'm trying to play nice (which is damn hard to do), so here goes: What works for one person, may or may not work for another person.
contraildash Posted July 22, 2009 Posted July 22, 2009 (edited) Well, I guess I can only comment based on the limited experience I have had. The guy who DID end up #1 in his class literally spent every second of every day obsessed with UPT, ironically his goal WAS to become an astronaut lol, but it also cost him. #1 from which side of the house? Our T-38 #1 was a salty WSO from Strike Eagles. Good dude. Worked hard, played hard too. Our T-1 #1 was a space cadet. Seriously. One of the funniest guys I know, total space cadet on the ground, great pilot in the air. Every class is different.... On the subject. My wife and I started dating just before OTS. I doubted it was gonna work out, but hey I wasn't going to be dating much at OTS so I figured I'd see what happened on the other end with the two of us. We talked every night at OTS, with a few exceptions. She sent cookies and other goodies for the SQ. It wasn't a bad deal. So we've been long distance since November of 2007, all through OTS, casual, and UPT. Saw each other about once a month, stressful at times, lots of phone calls (usually less than a minute), emails, ect. I never felt like my relationship affected my performance in UPT. Then she moved in with me halfway through phase 3. It was still great, flying was going awesome, I was less stressed out, ect. Then one day we found out that she might have cancer. The day after I hooked my first flight ever in UPT. That was three flights before my Nav check...great timing. Oh I hooked my nav check too. Needless to say, I was slightly distracted. I should have been a 'big boy' and not tried to fly but hey I'm invincible and can handle everything right? It cost me my shot at being #1 in the T-1 class, but in the end it worked out and I still got my first choice in assignments. I also learned a huge lesson about life. After we found out everything was benign, the stress/worry level went way down, I got back into my UPT groove, and finished out strong. So that's our story about UPT, and like everything else out there, how your experience goes...well it 'just depends' ;) Edited July 22, 2009 by contraildash
Guest ziggy001 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Long story short I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years.. we are pretty serious but I have been having second thoughts about out relationship as our college graduation gets closer and as his training gets closer. I have not had much exposure to the military life.. actually NONE at all until I began dating him (some people have had parents or siblings in the military.. i have had no ties what so ever). The idea of it sounds terrible to me.. the unknown, deployments etc.. While dating him I have obviously understood a lot more about the airforce and UPT and what he will be doing after. I have grown to support him and hope he succeeds in every way. However, the fear of the unknown is getting to me...what I want to ask is that is it really hard? Will i get to see him during UPT? After UPT if he is deployed will there be a support system where I am living? Has anyone ever had to move somewhere outside of their comfort zone? (big city to small city or another country) Most importantly.. has anyone ever had these doubts and ended up totally happy is a great location? I would appreciate any information positive or negative about what its truthfully like. Thank you.
Guest Titan Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Ziggy, You can be happy or miserable in any place. You must communicate with your boyfriend. Does he know how you feel? Your happiness should not be dependent on what your b/f does. It should come from within. I think most people would agree that your attitude is by far the biggest factor. Is your glass always half empty or half full? If its the former, run for the hills! If its the latter, you have a wonderful adventure ahead of you. Hope this helps.
Toro Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Ziggy, I've moved your post into this thread which has a lot of information relevant to your questions. Read through it, and I'll add this - I have not had much exposure to the military life.. actually NONE at all until I began dating him (some people have had parents or siblings in the military.. i have had no ties what so ever). The idea of it sounds terrible to me.. the unknown, deployments etc. Problem #1 - You're already predispositioned to dislike the military even though everything you have experienced has been through second hand word of mouth. Continue to get more information (for which this site is a good source) and you'll see that while military life is not a bed of roses, it's not all thorns either. However, the fear of the unknown is getting to me...what I want to ask is that is it really hard? Sure it is, but then again so is marriage. So are kids. So are anything worth while in life. You are actually in a great situation for entering military life in that you will be entering it with him. Yeah, he has grown up as a dependent, but he will be entering onto active duty and fumbling his way through as a lieutenant, just as you will be fumbling your way through as a girlfriend/spouse. When I met my wife I had already been in five years, so she was completely thrown into this new world. Just as he is trying to figure out how to put his Lt bars on his blues, you'll be figuring out how the heck TRICARE works. Will i get to see him during UPT? After UPT if he is deployed will there be a support system where I am living? Yes. The flying squadrons are generally an excellent support system, and there is also a family support center on base that provides counseling, child care, and many other support factors. Here are some threads for more reading on that subject: Has anyone ever had to move somewhere outside of their comfort zone? (big city to small city or another country) Most importantly.. has anyone ever had these doubts and ended up totally happy is a great location? I have "dragged" my family to assignments in England and we are currently Germany. Loved and are loving every minute of it. Nothing against you personally, but I have never understood people who are afraid to move away from their comfort zones. The military will pay you to move to some interesting locations - sometimes they're crappy, but I am proof that sometimes they're great. I have hiked mount Vesuvius, been to the Roman Colisuem, seen the Eiffel Tower, drank a Guinness atop Dublin in their factory, seen Patton's grave in Luxembourg....all essentially thanks to the Air Force. Get out of your comfort zone and open yourself up to going somewhere new.
Guest lovemyflyboy Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Hi Ziggy~ Yes, I have 100% been in your position (although I was already married before I started "freaking out" about it) and I promise you, it does get better. Unknown's are always scary and there are zillions of them when it comes to the military lifestyle when you're on the outside looking in, but you learn to cope pretty quickly. There are times that it's hard being married to a pilot, but I would say it's about 90% fun/10% not so fun. Being married to a pilot truly is a pretty crazy adventure, but you're never alone. You're always going to be surrounded by people who are in your same situation so you always have a pretty good support system if you choose to use it. UPT wasn't bad at all for us. It was never the case *for us* where he locked himself in a room and I didn't see him all night. Sure, he studied a ton and I learned to entertain myself really quickly, but he was always available to talk or help out if I needed it. We are moving to Germany in a few months and it's probably going to be way outside my comfort zone, but I'm extremely excited about having the opportunity to live overseas. He did part of UPT in Enid, OK, and that was not my idea of fun at all, but we made great friends there, and because of that, I wouldn't trade that experience for anything. It's hard to adjust to being a military spouse if you're a planner and like to have control over things (like me). It's not easy not having a say in where you live or how long you're there, and not being able to plan things to the fullest, but eventually you adjust. We probably won't have orders to move to Germany until the week before we want to move due to typical military BS, which means we basically can't plan any of our move until we get orders. If this had happened 3 years ago, I would be FREAKING out right now trying to plan ahead and figure out how to get our dogs and 7 month old baby and all of our junk over there, etc, but now my veiwpoint is - eh, it'll work out one way or another. You learn to be flexible and go with the flow over time, and you pretty much have to or you'll drive yourself insane. Overall, I wouldn't trade this experience for the world. I'm sure being married to anyone of any profession has it's up's and down's and it truly is what you make of it. =)
centsoffreedom Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 I hate to resurrect an old thread, but I think my question will fit well here. I just found out I am a Civ pilot select. I realize there are a lot of things that will take place before I can think about being a pilot, but my wife and I decided to go for it. A little background my wife is in the ARNG so we are familiar with some of the military lifestyle, but what are some things we need to do to prepare ourselves for in the coming months before OTS to for our family to be as successful as possible. We have a 2 year old. Also, what should we expect in terms of lifestyle in the training pipeline and the operational Air Force. Thanks for your help.
HuggyU2 Posted September 25, 2016 Posted September 25, 2016 Just spend some time looking at the threads on this website.
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