french military victories

[Guest Liger]

check this out:

1- Go to www.google.com

2- Type in OR PASTE: French military victories

3- Instead of hitting "Search", hit "I'm feeling Lucky".

[Login Name]

welcome to 1996.

[Dead Last]

Even so it's a classic

[slacker]

Well, since someone is dredging up the past, I feel inclined to post the following:

The Complete Military History of France

· Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

· Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

· Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

· Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

· Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

· War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

· The Dutch War - Tied.

· War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

· War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

· American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome," and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

· French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

· The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

· The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

· World War I - Tied on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein."

· World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

· War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

· Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

· War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?" but rather "How long until France collapses?"

[Chuck17]

Originally posted by Login Name:

welcome to 1996.

Second funniest post ever.

Chuck

[Guest jmac2222]

Why does everybody hate the french?

They have nice cheese & wine. My grand-dad and his dad loved the french (and loved on/in the french during leave in WW1/WW2).

[Guest johnnybock]

Originally posted by jmac2222:

Why does everybody hate the french?

They have nice cheese & wine.

I concur! And most of their ladies really DO shave their pits. It's the ubiquitous accordion-players on the Paris Metro that I hate.

[Guest Hoser]

Hoser

[Guest Upstater]

He looks more italian than french....

Maybe that's just me and my sterotypical mindset..

[ 20. December 2005, 18:42: Message edited by: Upstater ]

[Guest cb03t]

The gay scarf makes him french, or this guy

[ 21. December 2005, 18:32: Message edited by: cb03t ]

[ClearedHot]

[Guest cb03t]

Isnt that the "Arc de Triumph", their not looking so triumphant, maybe thats why they are marching AROUND it! Gays.

[Guest AviatorFT07]

If I'm not mistaken, those are German soldiers entering Paris in 1940.

Q: Why are there trees along the streets of Paris?

A: So the Germans can march in the shade.

[M2]

Y'know, I have worked with a couple of French officers during my NATO tours that were pretty good dudes. I have also met some that were just the stereotypical French assholes. Having just lived 30 minutes from France for the past three years, I gotta say the "idiot ratio" does seems to be higher than most countries; but heck, they are French and have a reputation to keep! But overall it isn't a bad place to visit, I just wish more of them spoke English so I wouldn't have to yell it at them all the time to make them understand what I was saying!

By the way, don't forget they do have some guys who can do some awesome low-level flying...

Altitude 1

Altitude 2

Altitude 3

Altitude 4

Cheers! M2

[Guest Thriller]

Bad Ass Vids!

Thanks for sharing!

Peace,

THRILLER

[ 24. December 2005, 10:59: Message edited by: Thriller ]

[slacker]

Thread Revival- This isn't a French military victory, but it definitely is a French victory. Why can't we get this instead of American Idol?

French Game Show

[Steve Davies]

French Game Show

A show that could be vastly improved with the introduction of thongs and reverse camera angles.

[08Dawg]

Thread Revival- This isn't a French military victory, but it definitely is a French victory. Why can't we get this instead of American Idol?

French Game Show

Search for the next Tomb Raider?

[DFRESH]

another good one for google, and related to another thread (I can't remember which one)

the google calculator knows the answer to life, the universe, and everything else.

Don't believe me.... just google it (sts)

On a side note, I met a hottie french chic in a class the other day.....

[HiFlyer]

another good one for google, and related to another thread (I can't remember which one)

the google calculator knows the answer to life, the universe, and everything else.

Don't believe me.... just google it (sts)

On a side note, I met a hottie french chic in a class the other day.....

It begs an interesting question...if they always lose, why do they still exist??? Maybe no one can stand to keep them and they eventually leave. Its sort of the "skunk defense"....victory isn't worth the smell.

Edited January 15, 2009 by HiFlyer