Moody UPT stud writes to Playboy Advisor

[Dupe]

Last friday, I got the opportunity to fly in the Good Year blimp. After a long discussion about dirigible technology and how to pick up chicks at bars, the pilot exclaimed "So you guys are the reason people keep constantly asking me if the airship gets folded!" It turns out they really do fly it at 35 mph indicated when they take it cross-country.

[Hacker]

Last friday, I got the opportunity to fly in the Good Year blimp. After a long discussion about dirigible technology and how to pick up chicks at bars, the pilot exclaimed "So you guys are the reason people keep constantly asking me if the airship gets folded!" It turns out they really do fly it at 35 mph indicated when they take it cross-country.

Excellent work, my friend.

Next stop: dolphin trainers and professional bowlers.

[usaf36031]

A buddy of mine was getting away with being a backup linebacker for the Miami hurricanes for a few hours while bar hopping in Austin a few years back...until we ran into the REAL University of Texas Defense in a bar and a chick asked if them if we knew each other. We left that bar quickly.

But remember, if you're ever backed into a corner, "SpecOps fighter pilot" always gets the job done.

Edited May 18, 2009 by usaf36031

[HercDude]

But remember, if you're ever backed into a corner, "SpecOps fighter pilot" always gets the job done.

Real SpecOps fighter pilots, like me, would never let you get away with that. You can never tell anyone in public that you are SpecOps fighter pilot - only on your youtube page.

[Wolf424]

Real SpecOps fighter pilots, like me, would never let you get away with that. You can never tell anyone in public that you are SpecOps fighter pilot - only on your youtube page.

You can use the super secret SpecOps fighter pilot handshake if you run into someone who is a poser.

(that thread never gets old)

[donkey]

Anyone every try Professional 9-Volt Battery Tester?

[Wolf424]

What about "Monoped Footwear Engineer"? Building shoes for poor people with one foot doesn't really roll of the tongue.

[Toro]

....doesn't really roll of the tongue.

Try, "I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."

If you can get through that sentence in a bar, you probably haven't been drinking enough.

[Wolf424]

Try, "I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination."

That's good, but I don't think the ladies would appreciate that as much..

(/sarcasm)

[Cell Dweller]

Try:

Exotic automobile importer

Contemporary Folk Art Dealer

Private Investigator (sts)

Ice Cream Distributor

Also this line always helps:

"If you are nice to me, I might let you take me home."

[war007afa]

I always ask in return: "What's the right answer?"

That or: "Tell your fat friend over there that she can buy me a pitcher if she wants to."

No shame in having a fat chick buy your beer, boys. Let her buy all of it for you that she wants to. Just remember you can always bail at the end of the evening with: "Thanks for the beer. I have to go, my wife is leaving now."

[Lawman]

Im an architect, it pays the bills. Really, it's only a side thing for my true passion. I work with retards.

[MKopack]

Im an architect, it pays the bills. Really, it's only a side thing for my true passion. I work with retards.

Isn't that a little politically incorrect?

Mary

[Steve Davies]

Two known to have gone down well:

1) Diver working for the Dolphin Alert Rescue Team (DART), responsible for going out and rescuing Dolphins that get caught in the nasty fishermens' nets!

2) North Sea diver, diving into the abyss to weld gas pipes on the sea floor

Edited May 20, 2009 by Steve Davies

[Steve Davies]

"Bullshit, youre not a pilot."

Apparently not that uncommon in Vegas - another fellow who frequents these boards was unable to convince a chick that he was a fighter pilot. ISTR that she did believe he was a professional bowler, however.

[Vertigo]

I personally like to state that I run a funeral home... this usually hooks em at first because 1- funeral directors make great money and 2- what's a better topic starter than dead people.

When pressed for more details about my job I usually say that I don't actually run a funeral home, I mostly just sweep up and vacuum. Always good for a laugh to see the change in expression and attitude.

[Wolf424]

Two known to have gone down well:

1) Diver working for the Dolphin Alert Rescue Team (DART), responsible for going out and rescuing Dolphins that get caught in the nasty fishermens' nets!

Used a version of that this weekend while running wingman for my friend. Worked like a charm.

Conversation of the night:

Chick 1: That a really interesting career choice!

My Friend: Yeah, it pays the bills I guess.

Chick 2: I didn't even know jobs like that existed. It's almost unbelievable.

Me: Yeah, I never know if I should tell people, because most don't believe us. So I just go with something else like, I fly planes or something.

Chick 1: Haha, yeah, but we would've never believed that.

[brabus]

I think it's hilarious that chicks will believe shit like DART, but not that you're a pilot. I wonder why it's so unbelievable to be a pilot.

[Day Man]

because janitors and animal masturbators use that line when they go to vegas.

[B*D*A]

because janitors and animal masturbators use that line when they go to vegas.

Ha, I think you just added two to the list. My buddy likes to use Traveling Librarian. You travel the country implementing your system of book organization which of course is superior to Dewey decimal. One night I used this line and this chic says, "BS, we've already met the town librarian, he's over there" and points to my bro.

[Guest jinnyt_00]

Professional Deep sea welder

Blimp folder work wel

l

I think it's hilarious that chicks will believe shit like DART, but not that you're a pilot. I wonder why it's so unbelievable to be a pilot.

Its unbelievable because there are douche bags out there that claim to be a pilot and make the come up with worst stories. I talked to a dude this weekend that claimed to be a eagle pilot at Vandenburg. He also claimed to have taken a staff job at Scott because the Raptor was just too hard. If his story wasn't bad enough his goofy ass USAF hat in desert camo hat in a bar sure gave him away.

[brabus]

Its unbelievable because there are douche bags out there that claim to be a pilot and make the come up with worst stories.

Man, now I actually feel kind of bad for blimp folders. They get no respect because of us!

[summe32c]

Professional Deep sea welder

Blimp folder work wel

l

Its unbelievable because there are douche bags out there that claim to be a pilot and make the come up with worst stories. I talked to a dude this weekend that claimed to be a eagle pilot at Vandenburg. He also claimed to have taken a staff job at Scott because the Raptor was just too hard. If his story wasn't bad enough his goofy ass USAF hat in desert camo hat in a bar sure gave him away.

Had a guy tap me on the shoulder and ask me if I was a TOMCAT pilot because I was wearing a tomcat shirt. (it was a shirt for the final flight in sept. 2006 mind you..in big bold letters) I replied with "no but I fly competition kites" his response was "oh i was just wondering because I saw your shirt, I fly f-15's" this "incident" occured in 08' If he was an eagle guy..he attention to detail was pitiful.

great occupations:

jet ski rental associate (perfect when I live at the beach)

ergonomic chair tester

My personal favorite : The Main Stevedore (ship loader)

-summers

[outbreak]

"I sell beer and beer accessories. Kinda like Hank Hill, but I travel all over the country and sell beer instead of propane."

It works great with bartenders and its not even a total lie. A friend of mine is working up a prototype for some new bar technology in his spare time and I'm a "freelance salesman" for it. I've actually gotten a few bar owners interested in it, but I digress. Its an easy job to bullshit about if you hang around bars enough (which most of us do) and its obscure enough that they don't ask many questions anyway. Doesn't work as well when you have to come up with something for the whole crew.

Also, when you're in Utah, "I'm not Mormon" works wonders. I tried it.