Classic Thread - Security Forces (SFS) Tales

[Slander]

Not quite as awful as the above story, but at CB the studs are required to park in the farthest lot from the flying squadrons. No big deal, I can walk. So we were on early week and I had the first plane of the day, so I showed up at 4:15 AM. It was dark. And because of cost saving measures the lights in the parking lot were turned off. So I parked in the same spot I'd parked in for the previous few weeks and went on my merry way...learning how not to kill myself in the T-6.

I come back to my car a 11 hours later and find a parking ticket. Then I noticed the different amounts of fading on the parking lot where the "don't park here lines" USED to be. No shit, they are impossible to see unless it's a) day time and b) sunny enough to be able to tell where the lines are. Also whenever it rains that whole area fills up with water (it rained the night before, water was still there). So, I follow the instructions on the ticket to go to some building and give them my personal information. I go to the building and SURPRISE! SF has moved and left a sign for all of us who needed to tell them our info. I follow the scavenger hunt around base and eventually discover the office where I'm supposed to tell them my name and SSN and all that. The girl who took my information was in workout gear (and a reflective belt, of course) and told me I needed to come back later because my ticket wasn't in the system yet. I asked if she could just write it down because my duty day was about to expire and we were min-turning to the next day so I had to go on crew rest. She looked at me like a confused puppy and told me to come back. I said "here, you tell me what information you need from me and I'll write it down for you."

Then her supervisor told me that I should be more respectful of the people who risk their lives to protect mine. I said "maybe I shouldn't have to deal with ludicrous parking tickets for spots that are no longer clearly marked." Wrong answer. So he turns on the sir machine and tells me that I should know better than to park where there AREN'T lines in the parking lot, his emphasis. I asked about base housing where there AREN'T lines but you can still park. Then he tells me to "use your best judgment, sir, and that you'll know better for next time, sir, so maybe you shouldn't be greedy and lazy with your parking choices, sir, and you can avoid the hassle, sir."

Best part of the story? I get an email from the ADO asking if it was A1C Chodemuncher because he's been occupying the commander's time with too many tickets that are worthless and meaningless. It was.

[Hacker]

Then her supervisor told me that I should be more respectful of the people who risk their lives to protect mine. I said "maybe I shouldn't have to deal with ludicrous parking tickets for spots that are no longer clearly marked." Wrong answer. So he turns on the sir machine and tells me that I should know better than to park where there AREN'T lines in the parking lot, his emphasis. I asked about base housing where there AREN'T lines but you can still park. Then he tells me to "use your best judgment, sir, and that you'll know better for next time, sir, so maybe you shouldn't be greedy and lazy with your parking choices, sir, and you can avoid the hassle, sir."

Best part of the story? I get an email from the ADO asking if it was A1C Chodemuncher because he's been occupying the commander's time with too many tickets that are worthless and meaningless. It was.

This is about the time that I'd remind the supervisor and his PT-gear clad Airman that they should be at attention when talking to an officer, and that I'd be more than happy to talk with HIS officer supervisor or Commander about it.

I have no tolerance for how personnel at UPT bases seem to think that UPT students are cadets or something. It's one thing for UPT IPs to treat studs like dirt within the constructs of the training environment. It is another thing entirely for base personnel, who have precisely zero to do with training officers to fly aircraft, to do the same.

I saw that crap at Moody all the time.

[skinny]

Hey Toro, I see you're at ETAR as well. Did you get the latest spam in your inbox regarding the display of the little blue clocks in your window? And I quote

"Please be aware that we have received information that Security Forces are ticketing vehicles in the BX and Commissary parking lots for not properly displaying their blue parking devices."

For those of you that haven't been to Europe, some parking lots have time limits on how long you can park there. You set the dial with the time you got there so cops can see. Unfortunately, this has carried over on base and now they are writing tickets to anyone parked in the BX or Commissary parking lots without displaying the clock. Genius. Is there really that big of a problem that people are parking there for more than 2 hours? And more importantly, how do you spend more than two hours at the BX? But as the saying goes on Ramstein, "There isn't a parking problem on base, there's a walking problem." Unbelievable .

[Toro]

Hey Toro, I see you're at ETAR as well. Did you get the latest spam in your inbox regarding the display of the little blue clocks in your window? And I quote

"Please be aware that we have received information that Security Forces are ticketing vehicles in the BX and Commissary parking lots for not properly displaying their blue parking devices."

Indeed I did. And ironically, I read the e-mail right after I spent 20 minutes driving around three parking lots near my building and finding no spots, then driving 1/4 mile to the BX to park there. Genius. There are no parking spots anywhere on Ramstein, so let's ticket the people who are already hiking from the BX. F***ing idiots.

Not quite as awful as the above story, but at CB the studs are required to park in the farthest lot from the flying squadrons...

Reminds me of another SkyPig episode when I was an instructor at CBM in 98-ish. Apparently a bunch of rednecks with widebed Chevys painted the parking lot stripes because they were all a good ten feet wide. Nobody used the lines to park - we would simply apply common sense (gasp!) and park close enough to the next car so we could get in and out. This made a parking area of 6-9 slots usable for 15+ cars. After a couple months of this, a few folks got tickets, which were largely ignored. This did not please the cops, who came back with a vengeance and started ticketing every car not completely within the lines. We had a aircrew meeting the day after this happened and the Sq/CC basically told everybody to stay within the lines until he could get it sorted out with the SFS/CC.

The best response was from a crusty O-5 line IP, "You mean the AF trusts me to park a jet three feet off somebody else's wing at 300 knots, but the cops don't trust me to park three feet from a parked car?"

And the sad part is that the only way we were able to remedy the situation was to re-paint the lines.

[Guest gonzo]

Putting up with their douchbaggery has almost become Pavlovian with me. I once got a ticket at Vance for going 17 in a 15. Worst part was, my Deputy Flight Commander treated it like I was skipping out on child support. So I'm taxiing at LTAG last week, and look to my right, and see an SF truck facing the taxiway. I'm so used to their antics, I actually started to come on the brakes to slow down. Felt like a dumbass...

[Guest Hueypilot812]

I take great pleasure disrupting the Sky Cops naps back at KLRF. For those of you that don't know, there's an area on the ramp called "Big Bird" where there are only four spots per row instead of five, and that's where we'll do our seat swaps because we don't need a marshaller. The cops love to park on one of those three rows (K, L and M) and sleep in their trucks or pull up next to another cop to talk, mostly because all of the other parking rows have parked airplanes there. So when I taxi to the Big Bird area, and all three rows are completely open, I'll pick the one that the cops are parked on to force them to move. Maybe not a big deal, but small things like that make my day (or night).

[tac airlifter]

I'm at SOS right now at Maxwell and managed to get my first ticket in 12 years. Basically, I pull up to a flashing red light at night, look both ways, and then continue on my way. Similarly to Toro, I see a cop pull up behind me and follow for about 1/2 mile. Finally he pulls me over and of course it takes 40 minutes to get my ticket because he is a K-9 troop and it takes forever to bring his dog back and forth, in and out of the car. So I get my ticket and it says "failure to stop at red light" and I said, "dude, I stopped at the light, what are you talking about?" To which his classic reply was that a complete stop is a three second stop. I stopped for only one second, and the proper base procedure is to stop, count to three, and then proceed. Never heard that one before.

[Slander]

This is about the time that I'd remind the supervisor and his PT-gear clad Airman that they should be at attention when talking to an officer, and that I'd be more than happy to talk with HIS officer supervisor or Commander about it.

Which is what I probably should have done, but since I am a stud I still feel like a cadet 90% of my day. I don't personally care that much if the permanent party dudes are a little surly to me but I also don't feel like making waves and causing problems for the commanders when I have to rely on them and their staff to help me get what I want.

I always thought once someone had wings on their name tag they got more respect around the base. Reading this thread (and others) proves that theory hopelessly misguided. Thanks for commiserating about those douche rockets though.

[Mutt]

I dont tell my stories as good a Toro does, but here is my experience.

In my case I was returning from a 6mo TDY in Wash DC heading back to ABQ. Being that I was up there for 6 mo, I decided to take my family and enjoy a paid vacation for them via the AF. I was in no rush to return to my Sq so I took leave enroute to visit a bro in Tyndall.

Since i had to wait for my bro to get home when we got there, the first thing we did when we to the base was to take my family on a drive by the flight line. Being that I had been to that base plenty of times before, I knew most of the roads going in/around the flightline. So I took the loaded minivan (big mistake, and dont ridicule me) on a dirt road that overlooks the arming pad. Mind you that there are no restricted entry signs on this road, but to be safe I decide not to get close to raise any alarms. As a matter of fact there was an SFS SSgt that drove by and was cool with me being there. So we watch two Raptors and two Eagles prep and launch. When the planes leave, I decided to move on. This is where the whole dumbass move of driving a minivan on an unpaved road bites me in the ass. Yes, I am now stuck in the sand. There is no one around and of course our cell phones were in the "dead zone" so we were stuck. I said Fvck it and i see the fire truck still waiting on the backside of the pad so I decide to walk over there and ask them for some help. Mind you, I am in civies and I am walking on the edge of the arming pad. While I am walking, 2 more Raptors are taxiing up and pull up to spots within 50 ft of me and the firetruck. The Firefighters tell me to hold tight that they will call SF for help since they are occupied. So I shamefully walk back to the van and hold tight. Over an hour passes by and my kids are getting restless after more than 14hrs of driving there, after all this was meant to be a quick drive by. So I call my bro and he shows up w/ another guy in a real mans truck to help pull out the fvcking minivan. After we get my vehicle (really my wifes) out and on solid pavement, thats when the SF guys lazily role up and determine that there is no issue and leave.

The next day, we had planned on taking the family and my friends wife to the flight line for his launch. We jump through all the hoops and even get a photo pass signed. For extra measure, I decided to throw on my uniform to avoid any harassment from the cops. We get our escort from the Sq and everything is set to go. They even got my girls foamy earplugs and the micky mouse earmuphs. Mind you that I one of my kids is in a stroller still. Everything went smooth and according to plan. When it comes time to leave and we are walking back to the ops shack our escort breaks away to get ready for his sortie and leaves us to walk the remaining 100yds. And just like vultures, this is when the skycops come to the rescue. Because the toughest freakin terrorist in the world, would love to take their future junior jihaad children to a fvcking flightline. They hassle us for about an hour and at one point threaten to take my camera away. Luckily before things get too out of hand, both the crew chief of my friends bird and the NCO that issued our photo pass come to the rescue and shoo away the SF (Stupid Fvckers).

They arent all bad dudes, hell one of my best friends is still a SF cop. But its fvcking sad that when I really needed them the most, they werent there. But then again these are the same fvckers that have pulled me over when i was in ABQ and wrote me up for going 2mph over in a 15.

[Right Seat Driver]

My two stories, not as good as the previous but it adds to the SFism.

When I was a stud in UPT I got a ticket for parking over the line that separates my spot from the other spot off the front of my truck. The front bumper on my F-150 was no shit 1/2" over the line. Bam. Ticket for occupying two spots or something like that.

Second story is my wife is leaving her Squadron after a staff meeting and stops at a stop sign. About a minute later a SF comes racing up behind her and hits the lights. Said SF asks her why she got pulled over and she has no fvcking clue. The SF guy just walks back to the car with her documents and comes back 45 minutes later with a ticket and tells her, "Lt, all FOUR wheels have to come to a stop." Her response, "How can three wheels of my car stop but one keeps going?" He had the deer in headlights look, salutes and walks away.

[Guest Hueypilot812]

And just like vultures, this is when the skycops come to the rescue. Because the toughest freakin terrorist in the world, would love to take their future junior jihaad children to a fvcking flightline. They hassle us for about an hour and at one point threaten to take my camera away.

That sounds A LOT like the story I told further back in this thread while I was at Dyess. Called MOCC to get a tail # (and the protocol involved MOCC calling SF to let them know), I was in uniform AND had my line badge to escort my then-4 and 3 year old sons to the airplane...halfway to the aircraft we got surrounded by cops who were threatening to take me and my two violently dangerous toddlers into the cop shack for a Q&A session when finally their desk Sgt called out to them to say they forgot to pass the word along from MOCC. Sad thing is, my 4-year old asked me why they had their guns out...dumba$$ SF.

Are they really THAT clueless and THAT lacking in SA and common sense?

[lloyd christmas]

Twice in the last week we have had SF pull over people in our squadron parking lot. The offense was not coming to a complete stop for at least 3 seconds at a stop sign.

[Herk Driver]

Twice in the last week we have had SF pull over people in our squadron parking lot. The offense was not coming to a complete stop for at least 3 seconds at a stop sign.

When stuff like this happens, ask to speak to the supervisor. Normally the supervisor will drive to where you are, but none of this will stop until their supervisor gets tired of having to come out and take care of shit like this.

And as said before, there is no 3-second rule. SF doesn't get to just MSU. Make them show you in the AFIs, where you have violated the law.

[nsplayr]

So there I was...

On the flightline today for a Lt Col's fini flight. Doused him, shook the hand, pictures were taken, etc., good times. As we're all leaving the Sky Cops roll up 3 cars deep, hop out with M-4s slung across their backs, and proceed to question another Lt Col who had the camera about the pictures. The discussion lasted at least 30 minutes and most of us quietly slipped out the back. Not sure of the outcome, but since it was about 4 SSgts and 4 airmen vs. at least 3 Lt Cols I'm hoping they told the cops to take a hike...

[Steve Davies]

A Sky Cop once screamed 'you fucking idiot!' at me as I drove on base at Lakenheath. It came like a bolt out of the blue because I had only been doing what one of his colleagues had instructed me to do 10 seconds earlier.

Not one to let anybody call me a fucking idiot unless they know me (and therefore know it to be true), I stopped my car, got out and calmly asked to speak to his supervisor. The man's boss had noted the commotion and was already making his way over, and I asked whether I should take the matter up with the Wing Commander, who I was actually on base to interview; or whether he would prefer to deal with the foul-mouthed miscreant on a less formal level.

The supervisor handled it very well and apologised with great sincerity, so I dropped the matter then and there, but I suspect that he saved his colleague from a one-on-one chat with a GO.

Anyway, the supervisor's sincerity impressed me greatly, leaving me thinking that there are obviously some good guys in that line of work.ed.

[Guest Vat_69]

Okay guys I just started reading this thread yesterday and I shit you not had a SkyCop experience five minutes after logging off of baseops. I live in base housing and was driving my truck home. The road leading to my culdesac is blocked off right after the turn into my culdesac. So you can only turn left.

I turn into my culdesac (not using a blinker because there is only one way I could possibly go)as a SkyCop floors it behind me and rides my bumper all the way to my driveway. I calmly shake my head, turn my truck off and get out. I meet the SkyCop at the end of my driveway and ask,

Me:"Is there a problem?"

SkyCop: "Sir, can you turn your truck back on?"

Me: "Sure." (While I turn my truck over I'm thinking about how easy it would be to simply run this f**ker over)

SkyCop: "Can you turn on your left blinker?"

Me: "Are you serious?" (I mean are you REALLY f**king serious!?)

SkyCop"Yes, sir."

Me: I turn on my left blinker and look at him.

SkyCop: "Just wanted to see if it worked ,sir." (walks back to his car)

I begin laughing as a walk to my front door.

[flyusaf83]

I just had a classic experience the other day, thought I would share. So its around 2200 and I hop into my car which I parked in a slanted parking spot. There aren't many cars in the lot and there isn't much traffic around. The parking lot was set up in fashion that it would be timely to exit the parking lot onto the main road opposite the direction of the slanted spots. I check to see if there is any traffic. There isn't. I back up and swing around to exit the parking lot, which is maybe 20 feet away. Right as I get turned around, this cop swings around the building where I couldn't see him, and comes for me head-on like a rat on a cheeto. As he slams his brakes he gets on his PA, and yells, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! THIS IS A ONE WAY LANE!!!" You would have thought I was beating a disabled child with a club the way he yelled at me. So first I wonder if he wants me to freaking turn around, which won't be easy now that there are parked cars on one side of the "one way" lane and a building on the other. But then I realize he made the decision for me by coming so damn close to me. So as I put it in reverse, a couple of cars pull up behind the cop. So now I have to make about a 9 point turn barely not bumping the parked cars with a d-bag cop and 2 annoyed people staring me down. I felt like Austin Powers on The Spy Who Shagged Me making that turn in a tiny space. So I finally get turned around and traverse the lot to get out of there. The thing that gets me is I swear that cop was camping out waiting for someone to go opposite the "one way lane". At least he didn't give me a ticket, but what a d-bag. The thing that gets me is if he just let me exit the lot, it would have taken all of 5 seconds as opposed to the seemingly eternal 9 point turn.

Edited May 15, 2009 by flyusaf83

[Guest Hueypilot812]

I can remember getting done flying a night line, and we were all leaving at 3am, and a buddy of mine was in front of me driving out the back gate of LRF. Anyways, part of his tail light had burned out, but I hadn't noticed until I saw a sky cop fly up behind me with lights on, so I pull over and he passes me to pull my buddy over. I asked him about it the next afternoon and he said he got ticketed for having a burned out light. It amazes me that these guys are THAT bored...pull a guy over at 3am for that. Not to mention that we had been at work for 12 hours, plus he said the sky cop had an attitude, like "why are you out this late", as though an O-4 in a flight suit has some illegal motive...

[corny3]

I have been reading this site for a few years -- my first post. This thread reminds me of an incident that happened to me many years ago (yes, I'm really old). My crew was tasked to generate a B-1 for a SAC ORI (probably about late '87 or early '88). Since we were an experienced instructor crew, we got one of the last jets on the flightline (i.e. "maintenance pig"). As such, it wasn't ready for us until "0-dark-30". We loaded up the "secrets" in our 6-pk and headed out. We pulled up in front of the jet where the crew chief met us with the 781. We asked where the Cop was with the access list. The Crew Chief pointed to the wing and told us he'd been marching in front of the jet all night long. After reviewing the forms, we called the cop over and asked him what he was doing?? He said "My shift supervisor told me to report to my aircraft". He then turned, saluted smartly, and said "Reporting as ordered, SIR"!!

[war007afa]

Why don't we all stop bitching about deployment comparisons. JTACs are gone, outside the wire most times, mind you, well over a year at a time. Herc guys deploy way more often than Buff guys. What's your point? Why does it even matter? If it's a problem for you, cross-train.

The purpose of this thread is basic debauchery ($4 word, there) that you see in the Security Forces community, specifically when it comes to "punishing the man" (yes, there are guys out there with that mentality in every career field). This goes right up the alley of the REMFs who enforce regs that they "think are out there" blindly because they think that's what their bosses want. I have no problem if a cop catches me for doing something blatently incorrect, like doing a 48 in a 35. I knew the law, I broke it, I had a reason that, for me, provided a reward that outweighed the risk (like being late for a meeting with an O-6 or anyone on G-series orders). Not a problem when they do that. Write the ticket, salute smartly, and carry the fvck on. It's when they go above and beyond, like giving a guy a ticket for not stopping for 3 complete seconds (which isn't written anywhere, so it's like busting a guy on a checkride for a technique that you don't agree with) or for going out of your way to pull a weapon on a child escorted by his/her parent wearing a bag and a line badge (which violates ANY ruling on proportionality). You can't say that any of these things are necessary for you to do your job and to do it well.

[Guest EasyBoiler]

At SPS all the student flights have snacko bars with cash boxes on the honor system. Over the past few years more and more money and food had been stolen and therefore security was tightened and it made life suck for all. Finally, some studs set up a motion-detection camera and caught the bastards. Guess who? SF!!!

Who steals from their own? Really?!?!

I have an AFSO 21 proposal. Lets give SF a real job instead of policing our driving within retardedly stringent limits, kicking us out of the O club early, and arresting us walking home from the O club (because we were smart enough not to drive home). It sounds like SF is creating unnecessary paperwork Air Force wide and wasting a lot of peoples time... including their own! I can only imagine the OPR bullet... Expertly identified and destroyed an expensive and unimportant mission--saved $3 trillion. If this 'mission' was taken away, I'm sure they'd have some time to help finance. I don't think everything they do is unnecessary, but the part where they kick thier own bros in the nuts (fratnutricide) is stupid. Who says, "I want to be SF so I can give tickets to everyone else in the military!" No! They join to serve and protect. Writing frivolous tickets accomplishes neither of those.

[Hacker]

Don't confuse your rank with my authority.

[JarheadBoom]

Don't confuse your rank with my authority.

There's plenty of military sayings that bug me... but that one, to paraphrase Ron White, has always "sent me into a dimension of pissed-off the likes of which I've never before experienced in my life".

What part of the military police job description allows them to actively and repeatedly flaunt both the UCMJ and basic military customs and courtesies, when it comes to speaking to persons of a higher rank?

[sarcasm] Do they get a UCMJ/C&C deviation letter when they get issued their badge? [/sarcasm]

I suppose I could see it if they were arresting an officer or SNCO who was witnessed, by them, committing a murder... or luring kids into his van with candy, or [insert your own heinous crime here]... but when A1C Fuckbutt with the 69SFS gets mouthy with someone he's pulled over for doing 17 in a 15... that deserves some serious UCMJ consequences in my book. Better yet, some wall-to-wall counseling, but I guess that's not allowed in the 21st century Air Force even when it's the most fitting punishment.

[Herk Driver]

There's plenty of military sayings that bug me... but that one, to paraphrase Ron White, has always "sent me into a dimension of pissed-off the likes of which I've never before experienced in my life".

What part of the military police job description allows them to actively and repeatedly flaunt both the UCMJ and basic military customs and courtesies, when it comes to speaking to persons of a higher rank?

[sarcasm] Do they get a UCMJ/C&C deviation letter when they get issued their badge? [/sarcasm]

I suppose I could see it if they were arresting an officer or SNCO who was witnessed, by them, committing a murder... or luring kids into his van with candy, or [insert your own heinous crime here]... but when A1C Fuckbutt with the 69SFS gets mouthy with someone he's pulled over for doing 17 in a 15... that deserves some serious UCMJ consequences in my book. Better yet, some wall-to-wall counseling, but I guess that's not allowed in the 21st century Air Force even when it's the most fitting punishment.

I understand where you are coming from. Realize that the UCMJ gives SP's the authority of the base CC. So, I wouldn't really call it flaunting the UCMJ; however, if they are failing to render proper C&C, point it out. If they refuse to do so, ask for a supervisor. If they won't do that, then go over to the Cop shop and go to the LE desk. Speak to the supervisor and point out the problem, by name. Cops do eat their young. Improper C&C's didn't fly when I was a cop and I'm sure it still doesn't.

[Guest Cap-10]

Stupid SP's:

We are the only squadron night flying this week.

I'm leaving the squardon about mid-night 30.

Pulling out of the parking lot, 69 yards away, is a sky cop car, partially direct terrain masked behind a dumpster --- speed trap.

Cops, Flyers, and MX are the only peeps working at midnight on a Friday, and they want to speed trap us - WTF?

ASSHOLES!

Cheers,

Cap-10