Aviator's Joke of the Day

[Gravedigger]

It's Chris Hansen...and you know him? From that time you had brought the 12 pack of Bud Light & box of condoms over to that "18 year old's" house?

Yeah but we were just going to talk.

Chris Harrison, it seems, is the host of the bachelor/ette. So, it's still a bunch dudes going over to a house to bang some chick. I wasn't too far off.

[DUNBAR]

What's the difference between a nav and a T-37 engine?

The engine stops whining when the mission is over.

Why was the copilot in the frozen food aisle, staring at the orange juice?

The label said "concentrate."

How many fighter pilots does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. He holds up the bulb and the universe revolves around HIM.

[TreeA10]

Why are A-10 pilots issued oranges prior to oceanic deployment flights?

To prevent scurvy.

[TheGuardGuy]

What do a Nav and a penguin have in common?

Both have wings, neither can fly.

[Toro]

I see this devolving into dead baby jokes.

What's the difference between loading a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

You can't use a pitchfork with the bowling balls.

[Boxhead]

What's worse than a barrel of dead babies?

A barrel of dead babies with one eating his way to the top.

[TreeA10]

How can you get your very own F-16?

Buy a couple of acres of land near Luke and wait.

[Darth]

How do you know a date with a fighter pilot is half over?

He says "Enough about me, let me tell you about my airplane."

[Cap-10]

What's the difference between a fighter pilot and Jesus?

Jesus doesn't walk around all day thinking he's a fighter pilot.

Cap-10

[HU&W]

Why did they design the T-6 with a propeller? To keep the instructors cool. I know this because every time I turned it off, they started sweating.

[Grabby]

A man is drinking alone in a bar when a pretty girl walks in. She orders two double shots, and kills 'em both in seconds. The man, who hasn't said a word all night, asks the woman why she's drinking so heavy this evening. She looks over and says "My bastard boyfriend just broke up with me. He said I was just too kinky for him". At this, the man perks up and exclaims "No way! My girlfriend just broke up with me because I'm too kinky!"

Well, soon after they decide to ditch the bar and head back to her place to get a bit crazy. Immediately after walking into her apartment, the lady locks the door, releases a sex swing from the ceiling, and tells him that she's going to change into something more "comfortable".

A few minutes later she walks out of her room in a full leather S&M outfit, complete with a riding crop and chains. To her surprise, though, the guys is zipping up his pants and unlocking the door. She is taken aback, and asks "What the hell?! I thought we were going to get kinky!", to which the guy responds, as he's walking out the door, "Lady, I just ######ed your dog and shit in your purse! What else do you want from me?"

Edited November 11, 2013 by Grabby

[TreeA10]

(Reminds me of the Play Piano in a Whorehouse song but I'm sure that would offend Liquid.)

A ragged old derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender. "I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an F-4 pilot, flying off carriers back in 'Nam, but when they retired the Phantom all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well. I learned to play the piano at O-Club happy hours, so here I am."

The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So, why not give him a try. The seedy pilot staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played. It's called "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You" he said. After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said "I wrote it myself." The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light.

He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline", excused himself and headed for the john.

When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey fly boy, the job is yours, but do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?"

"Know it?" the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"

[Spur38]

Two Bosnians are in a foxhole. One says "I have to take a leak, back in a few"....hours go by and the guy finally comes back. He's all disheveled and sweating profusely the other guy says "What the hell happened to you, why were you gone so long?"

"The other one says "Well, I went out to take a leak and ran into this Serbian chick, I got it on with her, best sex I've ever had, every position imaginable!!"

Amazed and curious the other guy says "Did you get any head?" The disheveled on answered, with a big grin "Head? What head? She didn't have one!"

[HerkFE]

Guy walks into a bar and the sign says “Military, Active, Guard, Reserve, current, retired, Vets … all drinks a nickel, all the time”. Guy asks the bartender how he can afford to do this. The bartender/owner explains that he is a retired Chief and that he won the lottery. He always wanted to open a bar for military folks and that he used his wealth from his lottery winnings to run the bar. He explained that all drinks are always a nickel and every evening at five it’s two for one. The guy noticed that everyone seemed to be drinking and having a good time except for these three guys sitting at the end of the bar. The guy asks the owner why those guys are just sitting there. The owner said, “Ahhh, they’re just some retired Colonels waiting for happy hour to start.”

[go_cubbies22]

Back from when KC-135s had navs.

What's the typical front end crew complement of a -135?

One dude that washed out of pilot training and two that should've.

[WeatherManC130]

Back from when KC-135s had navs.

What's the typical front end crew complement of a -135?

One dude that washed out of pilot training and two that should've.

Same joke is in the C-130 community as well.

What bus does the NAV take to the plane? The non-essential bus.

WxMan

[Roswell]

A female Nav calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The girl says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh, we will put all the Corn Flakes back in the box,"

[SocialD]

A female Nav calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The girl says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh, we will put all the Corn Flakes back in the box,"

But is she hot?

[matmacwc]

My guess is nooooo

[murdocjxx]

A female Nav calls her boyfriend,"

No real man wants to date a woman who does a mans job let alone a second class job. Get to the part of the story where the bf turns out to be gay but doesn't know it yet and they break up and she becomes an 0-6 because she only has her job and queep to fill the void (sts) that he left behind. Chicks man Edited November 23, 2013 by murdocjxx

[Alpharatz]

Same joke is in the C-130 community as well.

What bus does the NAV take to the plane? The non-essential bus.

WxMan

Might want to stand by there Heathcliff. "I remember a time" we were headed into LPLA (that still Lajes?) at night when the approach control radios failed and we were on heading to a big dark patch on the radar.........anyway the whole night had been sporting SO to get a jump on depAture in two dayz I stomped upstairs to Navy Wx shop and ordered weather.."any wx of note between here and the East Coast? says I....."Nope" says he......."thank's bye" "thanks see ya" and off we go to billeting and the next day off to KGB central (George the Crook's) for hours of merriment with the crew chiefs. Next day badly hungover..back up to Wx shop....Navy guy (who I could of sworn I saw at the Crook's..it wasn't that big a plaCE") drops the wx in front of me including a satellite photo of a full blown hurricane blocking our route home. Well what can you say? Anyway, got a nice boot in the ass going back so that was good.

.....................................................we promptly named it "Hurricane Numbnuts".........

[sky_king]

Might want to stand by there Heathcliff. "I remember a time" we were headed into LPLA (that still Lajes?) at night when the approach control radios failed and we were on heading to a big dark patch on the radar.........anyway the whole night had been sporting SO to get a jump on depAture in two dayz I stomped upstairs to Navy Wx shop and ordered weather.."any wx of note between here and the East Coast? says I....."Nope" says he......."thank's bye" "thanks see ya" and off we go to billeting and the next day off to KGB central (George the Crook's) for hours of merriment with the crew chiefs. Next day badly hungover..back up to Wx shop....Navy guy (who I could of sworn I saw at the Crook's..it wasn't that big a plaCE") drops the wx in front of me including a satellite photo of a full blown hurricane blocking our route home. Well what can you say? Anyway, got a nice boot in the ass going back so that was good.

.....................................................we promptly named it "Hurricane Numbnuts".........

That was very difficult to read.

[RASH]

That was very difficult to read.

2

[Champ Kind]

So... What you're saying is... ?

[TreeA10]

More than a few years back, at the Shaw O'club, we were deep into an evening of fighter pilot wilding. Crud, a broken door, a few broken tables (one of the F-16 squadron's table mysteriously ended up on the golf course....on fire), lots of choir practice, got invited then dis-invited to a retirement party in another part of the club when they didn't approve of our re-enactment of the formal dining room scene from the Great Santini, and other Friday Night Bar Olympics type events. Finally the crowds started to ease off.

We settled into a friendly game of 4-5-6 on the crud table. With about $1,200 on the table, we aren't bothering anyone when this older gentleman comes up to the table and says, "Are you guys gambling?"

A Lt. replies, "No, we are just rolling dice and we are using money to keep score." We thought that was hysterical.

He then says, "Should you guys be doing this?" Someone comments, "Look, if you are going to join us, you have to get at the end of the line." More laughter.

Then this older gentleman produces an ID card...... dead silence until someone says "General Nelson....welcome to Shaw, sir!" He had just taken over 9AF a couple days prior.