Aviator's Joke of the Day

[HerkFE]

<words>

.....................................................we promptly named it "Hurricane Numbnuts".........

Was this last night?

[10percenttruth]

Might want to stand by there Heathcliff. "I remember a time" we were headed into LPLA (that still Lajes?) at night when the approach control radios failed and we were on heading to a big dark patch on the radar.........anyway the whole night had been sporting SO to get a jump on depAture in two dayz I stomped upstairs to Navy Wx shop and ordered weather.."any wx of note between here and the East Coast? says I....."Nope" says he......."thank's bye" "thanks see ya" and off we go to billeting and the next day off to KGB central (George the Crook's) for hours of merriment with the crew chiefs. Next day badly hungover..back up to Wx shop....Navy guy (who I could of sworn I saw at the Crook's..it wasn't that big a plaCE") drops the wx in front of me including a satellite photo of a full blown hurricane blocking our route home. Well what can you say? Anyway, got a nice boot in the ass going back so that was good.

.....................................................we promptly named it "Hurricane Numbnuts".........

Aaaaaaand, then you found ten dollars?

That was a terrible joke

[Alpharatz]

Aaaaaaand, then you found ten dollars?

That was a terrible joke

I got some jokes about all the various crew positions...but come to think of it, a lot of them aren't too funny. I think you guys might be a little too sensitive for those. My joke was right at the weather guy. Are you a weather guy? If so...sorry. What does the 10 dollars mean? Should I have tipped the weather shop?

[Toro]

I got some jokes about all the various crew positions...but come to think of it, a lot of them aren't too funny. I think you guys might be a little too sensitive for those. My joke was right at the weather guy. Are you a weather guy? If so...sorry. What does the 10 dollars mean? Should I have tipped the weather shop?

Good God, stop while you're behind.

[sky_king]

I got some jokes about all the various crew positions...but come to think of it, a lot of them aren't too funny. I think you guys might be a little too sensitive for those. My joke was right at the weather guy. Are you a weather guy? If so...sorry. What does the 10 dollars mean? Should I have tipped the weather shop?

ESL? I didn't even know that was a joke. I suggest you study this.

[Prozac]

Alpharatz, are you a Nav, or just retarded?

[Spinner]

are you a Nav, or just retarded?

Same thing...

[Champ Kind]

Same thing...

We were all thinking it...

[matmacwc]

A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your story".

So little Suzy says "my aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot and she got shot down over Iraq ans she had to eject from her plane. All she had with her was a pint of whiskey, a pistol and a knife. She decided to drink the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break if she hit the ground hard. Then she landed right in the middle of 20 bad guys. She killed 12 of them with her pistol but then she ran out of ammo, so she killed seven more with her knife but then the blade broke, so she killed the last one with a karate chop that broke his neck."

Horrified, the teacher says "Suzy, that's a terrible story. What kind of moral could it possibly have?"

To which little Suzy replied "stay away from aunt Mary when she's been drinking."

[JeremiahWeed]

Aunt Mary??

I've heard it with "Uncle Jimmy" or "my Dad"........ hard to picture Aunt Mary wading through gooks with a machine gun. Just a thought.

[Gravedigger]

That's what makes the joke better; Aunt Mary is one bad bitch.

[Darth]

Alpharatz, are you a Nav, or just retarded?

Please don't associate special needs folks with navs.

[Day Man]

That's what makes the joke better; Aunt Mary is one bad bitch.

So if there was a bad bitch contest, she would be in first place?

For those that are confused... (link is NSFW)

Edited November 24, 2013 by day man

[10percenttruth]

I got some jokes about all the various crew positions...but come to think of it, a lot of them aren't too funny. I think you guys might be a little too sensitive for those. My joke was right at the weather guy. Are you a weather guy? If so...sorry. What does the 10 dollars mean? Should I have tipped the weather shop?

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=and then I found ten dollars!

1. and then I found ten dollars! A tag line to add to the end of boring, stupid, or otherwise crappy stories. Amount of money should fluctuate proportional to the level of crappiness ...so the whole time we had been standing in the band room, and I kept thinking, "Wow, I really love band", uhh... and then, I found TEN dollars!!!

Edited November 26, 2013 by 10percenttruth

[matmacwc]

That's what makes the joke better; Aunt Mary is one bad bitch.

And then she fucked the female nurses at Ramstein.

[moosepileit]

WORDS THAT ARE DIFFICULT FOR A PILOT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

WORDS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT FOR A PILOT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. Anti-constitutionalistically

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

4. Transubstantiate

WORDS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE FOR A PILOT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I'm married.

2. Nope, no more booze for me!

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. No thanks, I'm not hungry.

5. I'm not interested in fighting you.

6. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance. I have no coordination and would hate to look like a real fool!

7. Oh no, I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.

[amcflyboy]

WORDS THAT ARE DIFFICULT FOR A PILOT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

WORDS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT FOR A PILOT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. Anti-constitutionalistically

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

4. Transubstantiate

WORDS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE FOR A PILOT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I'm married.

2. Nope, no more booze for me!

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. No thanks, I'm not hungry.

5. I'm not interested in fighting you.

6. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance. I have no coordination and would hate to look like a real fool!

7. Oh no, I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.

Awesome.

[Ram]

"Cinnamon" is actually pretty easy to say while drunk.

...but I think that's just because I practiced saying her name a few times. YMMV.

[Spur38]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykqWMl9IVRw&list=PLDA6ED10B3E5969FB

[Spur38]

A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a retired WWII Fighter Pilot on a flight to Texas. After takeoff, the retired fighter pilot asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drionk. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by a woman of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips!"

The fighter pilot then immediately handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a damn choice!"

[Spur38]

Frank Feldman one hell of a guy

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He

gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just

like Frank.

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the

time Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like

that to Frank Feldman every single time.'

Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'

Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have

won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros.. He sang

like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should

have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'

Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered

everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and

which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I

change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman,

could do everything right.

Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'

Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid

traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But

Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a

woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if

she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes

highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake.

No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'

Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his

fuckin' wife."

[HerkPerfMan]

Frank Feldman one hell of a guy...

To Bill Brasky!