86CamaroIROCZ28 Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Serious question. How do you pilots deal with serious problems at home while deployed or on duty (for lack of a better term). Serious problems such as terminally sick relatives or perhaps idiot family members who are always in trouble or perhaps financial trouble or other relatives who are going through hard times? Does it add to the stress? How do you deal with it exactly? I guess I'm one of those guys who likes to be in control and I get frustrated when bad things happen that I have absolutely no control over. I kind of wonder how an Air Force pilot would deal with this.
Azimuth Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Booze, big watches, lifted truck, fast cars, and female coeds* *N/A if you're an Eagle driver 11 1
Hercster Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Short answer: as best as you can. Long answer: realize you can't control everything, regardless of your geographical location. There's emergency leave if the situation warrants, and hopefully your supervisor/commander are good enough dudes to let you do that. Friends/family/squadron support back home is also key. My wife needed some help with stuff around the house (I'm deployed right now) and the shirt came through and lent a hand. I felt like I should have been the one to fix it but I obviously can't. Just like Frozen "Let it go, let it go"...
Champ Kind Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 I guess I'm one of those guys who likes to be in control and I get frustrated when bad things happen that I have absolutely no control over. I kind of wonder how an Air Force pilot would deal with this. You may want to consider the fact that you'll be signing a ten-year commitment that begins after you complete UPT. The USAF will have full control over assignments, jobs, aircraft, upgrades, work hours, pay, where you can live, where you travel/ vacation to and for how long. I could go on, but I think my point is made. Ten years is a long time.
HerkFE Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 We take care of each other. Just remember when you are home and your buddy is deployed and his wife calls up and says her water heater just exploded. You go over and take care of it. He does the same for you six months later. It's tough, but we just learn to deal with it.
Napoleon_Tanerite Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 There are certain things that come along with this job that are not advertised, but must be taken into consideration. You WILL be spending substantial time away from your family, and will not always be there when you're needed. In emergency circumstances you can take leave, but if you're the primary person your family counts on in tough times, perhaps this job isn't for you. You won't be in this job forever. You and the AF will eventually part ways, and it's important you ensure your family doesn't part ways with you first. Some people lose sight of that and allow this job to consume them. They don't realize it until it's too late. 1
TreeA10 Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Every situation is different. I've seen leaders step up to help their people and I've seen managers ignore the issue and not make a decision. Planning ahead as much as possible to cover problems while you are TDY helps. Day to day, this also applies to coordinating with supervisors/leadership and letting them know of your situation. Approach them with solutions or suggestions to solve your problem. Do not start the conversation by asking them to solve your problem. Finally, and this is the really hard part, if whatever is going on in your life is going to prevent, distract, or impair your ability to safely execute your job and may result in injury or death to you or others, make the very difficult decision to not strap into the jet, turn the wrench, etc.
Chida Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 My neighbors help out with things. The key there is to have good relationships with the people who live near you. When I rented, the landlord took care of house maintenance problems. I was deployed when my GM died and there was no releasing me there. Once my car blew an engine right before I deployed. I was able to mostly take care of it, but if I hadn't been home I probably would have been taken at the stealership for the repair. Cest la vie. Problems with sons/daughters is not my issue since I don't have children, but the wife would basically be on her own if it were. I can advise via email/Skype, but that's the limit. In the absence of good neighbors, you can rely on your squadron leadership or peers. Extreme situations, they might let you go home early. I try to make sure that when I am home I take care of as much as I can for the future. I keep a spreadsheet of expiration dates of various things (CC's, car tags, insurance, property tax, etc.) so that I am not taken by surprise. Just plan ahead is all. Sometimes things pop up. While I've been away these things have happened: broken toilet, broken sewer, broken fridge, broken AC, broken mower. Everything worked out OK because we had a plan to deal with these contingencies, i.e. if this happens, call this person. I also helped out a squadron mate while he was deployed. He lived in base housing (single), and the housing authority was doing renovations and required he move out within a couple weeks. I arranged the TMO and supervised while his stuff was boxed up and moved to another base house.
fox two Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Bottom line: Shit happens, it sucks. Your bros/broettes help you deal with it. Generally the only people who really get hindered by major life problems are those without support. It's not about what what happens to you, it's about how you deal with it and move forward.
BuddhaSixFour Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 A self-reliant spouse is incredibly helpful, and consider part of your flight pay to be "not there to fix it myself, call a repair guy" penalty money.
B52gator Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 Look for the white rock in the front yard...that spouse is getting helped out. 3
guineapigfury Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I had a serious problem at home. Life got much better after I divorced her. 4
Fud Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 It has always been a goal of mine to help out neighbors in a time of need and they usually return the favor. I'm out of the service now, and I live next to someone who is gone quite a bit. I've met him a few times, and will take out his trash can on trash days, and pull it in at the end of the day. What goes around comes around. I never help anyone out financially, except for my wife and my kids, because I have seen the pitfalls of that in my family (i.e. financial despot keeps asking for more money long after and shows up with a new BMW at a family event).
10percenttruth Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Look for the white rock in the front yard...that spouse is getting helped out. I thought it was a pink flamingo?
MooseAg03 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I thought it was a pink flamingo? Second that. Maybe the symbol changed for OPSEC purposes. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
jcj Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=little%20white%20rock Second that. Maybe the symbol changed for OPSEC purposes. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk I thought it was a pink flamingo?
BUSTED Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I thought it was a pink flamingo? Several years ago, my daughter was born. When we brought her home from the hospital, some friends had plastered our yard with every pink decoration they could find... Complete with a set of two small pink flamingos. When we cleaned up the mess, my wife thought the pink flamingos were just tacky enough to be cute, and so she left them in our garden (we live on base)... They were there for TWO YEARS before a friend finally got the courage to ask my wife if we were really "into that"... When my wife told me... My response was, "why did she ask... Are they interested?" ... She didn't find it as funny as I did. BREAK//BREAK Also, the Academy Facebook page just posted this... Yes, that's a pink flamingo at a grave in the Academy cemetery...
ViperStud Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 To the OP - very simple answer: marry the right chick. I didn't for mulligan wife. Deploying was a pain, she needed to talk every day. Each and every TDY I was obviously cheating. Insecure women are not a good match for military dudes. The irony is that she was in as well - flew tankers. Fast forward many years and I've moved on to the real wife. 6 months in Afghanistan was no big deal. She fixes sinks, kills critters and (when I'm not deployed) gives phenomenal blowies. Insecure and/or high maintenance is a bad match for our career. That lesson needs to be learned and it's why so many of us had starter wives. 1
guineapigfury Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 (edited) To the OP - very simple answer: marry the right chick. I didn't for mulligan wife. Deploying was a pain, she needed to talk every day. Each and every TDY I was obviously cheating. Insecure women are not a good match for military dudes. The irony is that she was in as well - flew tankers. Fast forward many years and I've moved on to the real wife. 6 months in Afghanistan was no big deal. She fixes sinks, kills critters and (when I'm not deployed) gives phenomenal blowies. Insecure and/or high maintenance is a bad match for our career. That lesson needs to be learned and it's why so many of us had starter wives.Bolded for truth. Edited May 23, 2015 by guineapigfury
Infamous Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 (edited) You WILL be spending substantial time away from your family, and will not always be there when you're needed. Just wanted to re-emphasize this for the OP... I've been TDY about 1.5 yrs out of the 3 years I've been stationed at my current base. Make sure your wife/gf is independent bc it will not end well otherwise... I've seen ~5-10 divorces I think since I've been in the squadron. Edited July 23, 2015 by Infamous
HossHarris Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 Of course, divorce does eliminate the problem. Just make the call before she starts pushing out kids.
guineapigfury Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 (edited) Of course, divorce does eliminate the problem. Just make the call before she starts pushing out kids. Sage advice. The relevant corollary is don't get her pregnant until you're absolutely sure she's the one. FYI, you don't get to meet the real her until you get home from the wedding. Edited July 24, 2015 by guineapigfury 1
MountainHerc Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Sage advice. The relevant corollary is don't get her pregnant until you're absolutely sure she's the one. FYI, you don't get to meet the real her until you get home from the wedding. Truer words have never been spoken...
DFRESH Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 .... She fixes sinks, kills critters and (when I'm not deployed) gives phenomenal blowies.... Insecure and/or high maintenance is a bad match for our career. That lesson needs to be learned and it's why so many of us had starter wives. She gives better ones while you're deployed! ZING.. I keed I keed. you left that one wide open (so to speak, or not I guess) 1
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