Divorce

[Guardian]

Congrats Duck. Here’s to finding your passion that has been stifled for years. Hears to getting to be the father you always wanted to be but the BPD wouldn’t let you! Here’s to being free of the BPD active duty Air Force. Cheers to Duck. If I ever see you in person drinks are on me.

[Gazmo]

Just got word today actually that the divorce is final and the judge signed the final judgement.  

There is so much to tell and I’m at a loss of where to start.

 

The good news first. I got 50/50 custody of my kids through mediation. When it all came down to it all she really wanted was money. If we would have gone to court in our county in Florida I would have gotten reamed. I got unlucky and we got assigned a pro-mommy judge. So glad we settled out of court.

 

The craziness is enough to write a book on, and maybe one day I will. During mediation, my lawyer asked me if I knew what “Borderline Personality Disorder” was. He said that my ex definitely has it. That actually answered a lot of questions I had about what the heck happened and I’m 100% convinced this is the case.

 

Life is sooooo much better now. I didn’t realize how miserable me and the kids were. Now that I have my own place and my own life, I feel 100% free.

 

 

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Money seems to be a common theme with divorces and the reason why most women want full custody is to get as much money they can get. The courts don't regulate where the money goes or what it's actually used for. They just want you to throw tens of thounds of dollars per year her way to be mismanaged and wasted. BTW, If you have never seen Bill Burr's "Gold Digging Whores" standup, Youtube it. It is classic.

 

Anyway, from personal experience with this subject, as far as BPD and other things like ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder) and NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), they are real and some people get totally sucked into relationships with these "monsters" and only find out after it is too late. Living with or even worse, being married to, a person with any one (or more) of these is a living nightmare. I would rather have testicular cancer than be married to someone like this because there is at least a way to treat cancer. Dealing with a person like this is a losing battle. You will never win unless you separate yourself from the person. Unfortunately, in this F'd up society we live in and legal system we deal with, men dealing with a women with any one of these disorders almost always get destroyed in one way or another. Mostly because the family law legal system favors women and because society does not recognize the fact that there are women out there with these disorders destroying their husbands lives. In fact, whenever you read an article about NPD, 9 times out of 10 it almost always refers to the person with NPD as a "he". People can't fathom the damage a woman with one of these disorders can inflict on her husband and their children and it is very easy for them to hide behind the image of being the "poor stay at home mom". Guys live with it because these women have bucket-loads of power. They can ruin careers, tear your family apart, destroy you emotionally and financially.

 

Not saying there aren't dudes out there with these disorders, but the percentage of women out there with them is a lot higher than you would think and there's a lot of husbands out there just willing to put up with it because they don't want to say anything or do anything about it.

 

I commend you for GTFO of there. Bravo!

 

 

 

[Duck]

That was the biggest shock. With the evidence I had, this age of “equality” and the fact the kids didn’t want to be with her, it was shocking to see how I was the one who was on the defensive. I will say that some states are better on men than others...


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[Duck]

That was the biggest shock. With the evidence I had, this age of “equality” and the fact the kids didn’t want to be with her, it was shocking to see how I was the one who was on the defensive. I will say that some states are better on men than others...


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[Sua Sponte]

Any state in the South is usually going to side with the mother. At least you weren’t married for 10+ years so she’s be entitled to 50% of your military retirement, if you ever stayed in to get one.

Edited October 19, 2019 by Sua Sponte

[ImNotARobot]

[Lord Ratner]

Let's. Hear. The. Story.

[Homestar]

1 hour ago, Lord Ratner said:

Let's. Hear. The. Story.

Give the man a moment, geez. 

[Bigred]

1 hour ago, Sua Sponte said:

Any state in the South is usually going to side with the mother. At least you weren’t married for 10+ years so she’s be entitled to 50% of your military retirement, if you ever stayed in to get one.

Not entirely true.

Any VA rating that reduces retirement is not considered in a divorce. 
 

Also, if you are in the military and get divorced in a state that isn’t your legal residence (ie a Servicemember who is a Florida resident getting divorced in California), you can object to said state having jurisdiction over your military retirement. If you don’t object, there’s a law that allows the state to divide it as a marital asset. 
 

The 10 year rule is merely a function of DFAS. If you are married for 10 years (and a few other timing things) and your ex gets a part of your retirement, this rule just means your ex gets paid directly from DFAS instead of you writing a check. DFAS also only pays out what percentage is ruled in the divorce. It’s possible to be married for 15 years and pay less than 50%, and its also possible if you get divorced at 9 years and 364 days a judge can legally give your spouse 50% of your retirement, you just have to write her the check. 
 

Also, DFAS cannot pay out more than 50% of your retirement pay, even if you have multiple exes. If you f-ed up real good and had two exes and owed them say, 60% of your retirement, DFAS would pay 50% of it and you’d have to write the check for the other 10%.

Edited October 20, 2019 by Bigred

[Kenny Powers]

28 minutes ago, Bigred said:

Not entirely true.

Any VA rating that reduces retirement is not considered in a divorce. 
 

Also, if you are in the military and get divorced in a state that isn’t your legal residence (ie a Servicemember who is a Florida resident getting divorced in California), you can object to said state having jurisdiction over your military retirement. If you don’t object, there’s a law that allows the state to divide it as a marital asset. 
 

The 10 year rule is merely a function of DFAS. If you are married for 10 years (and a few other timing things) and your ex gets a part of your retirement, this rule just means your ex gets paid directly from DFAS instead of you writing a check. DFAS also only pays out what percentage is ruled in the divorce. It’s possible to be married for 15 years and pay less than 50%, and its also possible if you get divorced at 9 years and 364 days a judge can legally give your spouse 50% of your retirement, you just have to write her the check. 
 

Also, DFAS cannot pay out more than 50% of your retirement pay, even if you have multiple exes. If you f-ed up real good and had two exes and owed them say, 60% of your retirement, DFAS would pay 50% of it and you’d have to write the check for the other 10%.

You have a thing for bat shit crazy chicks, don't you?

[Bigred]

5 minutes ago, Kenny Powers said:

You have a thing for bat shit crazy chicks, don't you?

Only on the weekends.

[fire4effect]

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjpx_WR-anlAhUKjq0KHTCPBE4Q3ywwAHoECAkQBA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DL4LlJNGRIoc&usg=AOvVaw3rNbkfTvQA7mfEdp13RZiG

 

Chris Rock definitely "understands" gets good about 1:49

Edited October 20, 2019 by fire4effect
Clarity

[Duck]

Let's. Hear. The. Story.

I definitely have more to tell, but unfortunately due to some recent developments, this thing isn’t over. Good for me and the kids, bad for her.

As far as the military retirement, we were married for 12 years but she didn’t care about it. It was obvious she just wanted cash right away. So I get to keep 100% of that.


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[HU&W]

8 minutes ago, Duck said:

I definitely have more to tell, but unfortunately due to some recent developments, this thing isn’t over. Good for me and the kids, bad for her.

As far as the military retirement, we were married for 12 years but she didn’t care about it. It was obvious she just wanted cash right away. So I get to keep 100% of that.


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[SocialD]

Glad you're finally finishing up with this stuff Duck! 

The more stories I see/hear about divorce, the closer I get to 99% certainty I will never get married again...I just see no real benefit of it anymore.  I feel very fortunate/lucky that my divorce was easy as we didn't have anything together, she was sane and she didn't want anything.  

[BFM this]

7 hours ago, Duck said:

I definitely have more to tell, but unfortunately due to some recent developments, this thing isn’t over. Good for me and the kids, bad for her.

As far as the military retirement, we were married for 12 years but she didn’t care about it. It was obvious she just wanted cash right away. So I get to keep 100% of that.

Wouldn't be surprised if you end up pitching in for another two-circle.  Many parallels from what you shared with my own trip through BPD-land...including a post decree arrest, multiple convictions, and the list went on (all her, btw).  

She must have had the shittiest lawyer I've ever heard of to ditch the mil-retirement asset.  Score for you.

23 hours ago, Gazmo said:

Unfortunately, in this F'd up society we live in and legal system we deal with, men dealing with a women with any one of these disorders almost always get destroyed in one way or another.

True.  Complete financial ruin, an entire generation of wealth destroyed, barely able to make ends meet, unable to provide for more than the essentials for my kids for a while; luckily I was able to stiff-arm BK, but only just.

In the end, the sweetest phrase you'll ever hear: Sole physical & legal.  Worth.  It.

[Bobsan]

So what kind of prenup should pilots get before marrying someone? Would your wife be legally required to know about or have access to all or any of your assets?

[guineapigfury]

3 hours ago, Bobsan said:

So what kind of prenup should pilots get before marrying someone? Would your wife be legally required to know about or have access to all or any of your assets?

As yet another divorced pilot chiming in on this thread:  DO.NOT.GET.MARRIED.  I've literally never met a man who regretted staying single. 

[Sua Sponte]

2 hours ago, guineapigfury said:

As yet another divorced pilot chiming in on this thread:  DO.NOT.GET.MARRIED.  I've literally never met a man who regretted staying single. 

"Divorce is forever...marriage is how long you can hack it." 

"No good married ended in divorce."

" Divorce gets strong likes it's a piece of oak..no one every says my divorce is falling apart."

"If you're in a good marriage, stay in it. If you're in the best marriage ever, stay in it. I'm just saying if you got out it'd be better."

- Louis C.K.

Edited October 21, 2019 by Sua Sponte

[Gazmo]

As yet another divorced pilot chiming in on this thread:  DO.NOT.GET.MARRIED.  I've literally never met a man who regretted staying single. 

Try to resist the American "dream" to be married and have kids with the nice house with the white picket fence and a dog in the backyard. It's really over-rated and there is an almost 50% chance there will be one huge, steaming pile of dung sitting on top of it when it is too late to get out (without financially and emotionally destroying yourself).

I get it. You meet that "perfect" chick who gives great head and seems normal, but there is literally a 50% chance she is a f#cking psycho.

[M2]

There are many of us who have been married for a considerable amount of time (nearly 25 years in my case) and understand that playing Charlie Sheen may seem like a good idea; but in reality there is something to be said about spending your life with someone you love and raising a family with them...

[HuggyU2]

Well stated, M2.

 

[jonlbs]

2 hours ago, Gazmo said:

I get it. You meet that "perfect" chick who gives great head and seems normal, but there is literally a 50% chance she is a f#cking psycho.

Reminded me of this.

 

 

[Gazmo]

There are many of us who have been married for a considerable amount of time (nearly 25 years in my case) and understand that playing Charlie Sheen may seem like a good idea; but in reality there is something to be said about spending your life with someone you love and raising a family with them...

Oh definitely, but I guess my advice is, don't commit and jump into it without knowing 110% you want to spend the rest of your life with someone resist the social peer pressure that everyone needs to get married to be happy. This tends to lead us down the path of settling for less than what we want out of someone.

[Gazmo]

Reminded me of this.
 
 

Unbelievably funny.... and very accurate.