Divorce

[fire4effect]

On 10/18/2019 at 8:22 PM, fire4effect said:

I'll take link to revenge porn website for $69 Alex

Point of clarification. This was a subtle tongue in cheek reference to the fact the ex got caught on video having sex with her boyfriend in a public parking lot in broad daylight. Very dumb on her part and the kind of thing that can end up on multiple porn sites. Great thing for the kids/grandkids to see one day.

Edited October 21, 2019 by fire4effect
Spellin

[SocialD]

In all fairness we can't always blame the "crazy chick"...although the last 4 divorces in my squadron have certainly been met with ridiculous court/lawyer costs due to unreasonable fights/vindictiveness by the wife.  As I have an aversion for asking permission to buy stuff with money that I earned or to do things I want to do, I've just come to realize that it's actually me who probably isn't cut out for marriage.  I'm certainly not against long term, monogamous relationships, I just don't think that marriage is a necessity for a long/happy relationship.  If I ever decide to marry again, it will be with as solid of a prenup as I can buy...and hopefully someone who out earns me lol.  My state doesn't recognize common law marriages anymore so that isn't as big an issue with long term partners.  

 

Edited October 23, 2019 by SocialD

[brickhistory]

The experience gained in the 7 year 'A' model has been invaluable for the current 22 years + 'B' model assignment.

But, damn, that experience cost a helluva lot in time/stress/money...

Edited October 22, 2019 by brickhistory

[Lord Ratner]

The problem is with our social conception of dating. As I said earlier in this thread:

 

"Think about how many people you know. Then think about how many of them are good friends. Then think about how many of those are best friends. The friend you can go on a month long backpacking trip with and not get annoyed with or tired of once. Pretty rare, huh? Now add sexual compatibility to that. If you find your forever-mate after 3 months and a few tinder dates, you'd better be buying lottery tickets too..."

 

Yet despite this incredibly difficult task, conventional wisdom and Hollywood teach us all sorts of things that are contrary to reality such as:

 

- The helpless male who just needed the right woman to see his inner Casanova.

- You have to fight for what's important? Why should the most important friendship be fought for when all my other friendships were not?

- Going to counseling. If you have kids, go to counseling. If you don't, find someone who likes who you are, and you want to please without the guidance of a third party.

- The entire tradition and industry behind weddings. A ceremony where the town walked 300 meters from their home to see a couple 17 year olds get married and give them the basics required to start a family because they literally have nothing. Now it's a parade where you spend a small fortune, you get some appliances you don't need in exchange for feeding mediocre food to the guests who wasted some vacation time to attend an event that, despite being indistinguishable from any other wedding and repeated thousands of times per day, stresses the newlyweds out for a year getting ready for it.

 

It's all a sham. Go on lots of dates. If you don't leave the first date positively captivated by the person, ask yourself why you would choose that specific human to spend five or more decades with. And if you got laid, don't trust your gut.

 

 

[brickhistory]

1 hour ago, Lord Ratner said:

TAnd if you got laid, don't trust your gut.

 

 

And if starts to hurt when I pee?

[Lord Ratner]

And if starts to hurt when I pee?

She must have gotten it from a toilet seat...

[Standby]

2 hours ago, Lord Ratner said:

"The problem is with our social conception of dating. As I said earlier in this thread...words. "

Thanks for the words of wisdom Dr. Phil.

[Lord Ratner]

Thanks for the words of wisdom Dr. Phil.

You're welcome

[Skitzo]

Follow Leykis 101

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Leykis%20101


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[Sneedro]

For those who have been through a not so easy divorce, have you, and if so how, had the other party get mad and say to pack you stuff and leave the house?  While I have read never to do this, how have you handled them then threatening to call the police, say you are/were being abusive, and saying they will be calling your job to get you fired?  Obviously staying in the house is best but what happens when it may no longer be safe/smart for you to do so?  Some states won't grant a restraining order or anything like that without threat of physical violence so they can threaten this sort of stuff all they want and it won't qualify.  I see it as a fine line between protecting you share of the house and stuff, but also protecting yourself from charges that could severely hurt your professional life.

[Gazmo]

For those who have been through a not so easy divorce, have you, and if so how, had the other party get mad and say to pack you stuff and leave the house?  While I have read never to do this, how have you handled them then threatening to call the police, say you are/were being abusive, and saying they will be calling your job to get you fired?  Obviously staying in the house is best but what happens when it may no longer be safe/smart for you to do so?  Some states won't grant a restraining order or anything like that without threat of physical violence so they can threaten this sort of stuff all they want and it won't qualify.  I see it as a fine line between protecting you share of the house and stuff, but also protecting yourself from charges that could severely hurt your professional life.

Great question. First, if you honestly see yourself with a significant other that is willing and able to play those cards, you need to protect yourself before it happens. Be a few steps ahead of them. I could go into great detail of the shite I've dealt with over the years, but forgive me for not wanting to spew my bad decisions and dirty laundry on a public forum. I can, however, write a book and can at least give you some pointers.

Like I asked earlier, is the other person willing and able to play those cards? Do they have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain? If you are dealing with someone with NPD, I gaurantee they've thought about all of this before you have. You cannot make this stuff up. By the time you get a handle on the way such a person thinks, you will be sitting there with your dick in your hand wondering HTF you ended up in such a shitty place only to discover that this person tactically set themselves up and covered every base they could. These people are very smart, but definitely not in a good way.

Find out the laws in your state for recording, both audio and video and take advantage of it. If it is a two party consent state, you are screwed, but many states are a one party consent state.

When it comes to domestic violence, as a man, you are 99.69% screwed even if she left marks on you and short of audio/video surveillence, the local PD is not going to bother bringing out a forensic pathologist to figure out who hit who first or if you were simply protecting yourself and left a mark on her in the process (or if she was drunk off her ass and fell on her own). She may not have a job. You have one that requires you to sign a Lautenberg statement to carry a weapon in the Armed Forces. You can't do that with a DV charge. If you are dealing with an escalating situation with a person like this, call the cops first and file a compaint whether she touched you or not. CYA. The more complaints the better, especially if she drinks a lot. Get it on paper so it can be used in court. If you have audio recorders/cameras in the house, more power to you.

Pour all the alcohol in the house down the drain. If you have weapons, get them out of the house and give them to family or a good friend to store so the cops can't take them in the event SigO claims you threatened to kill her.

If you are going through something as shitty as this, talk to your supervisor before they find out something from someone else. I know most of us dudes don't want to talk about shit like this with anyone, especially with a fellow coworker and in the line of business we're in, but it looks better for you in the event psychobitch decides to call your boss and threaten your career. Again, record as much as you can when you can to CYA.

I would refrain from leaving the home without a court order forcing you to leave. Document, document, document.

[Duck]

Great question. First, if you honestly see yourself with a significant other that is willing and able to play those cards, you need to protect yourself before it happens. Be a few steps ahead of them. I could go into great detail of the shite I've dealt with over the years, but forgive me for not wanting to spew my bad decisions and dirty laundry on a public forum. I can, however, write a book and can at least give you some pointers.

Like I asked earlier, is the other person willing and able to play those cards? Do they have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain? If you are dealing with someone with NPD, I gaurantee they've thought about all of this before you have. You cannot make this stuff up. By the time you get a handle on the way such a person thinks, you will be sitting there with your dick in your hand wondering HTF you ended up in such a shitty place only to discover that this person tactically set themselves up and covered every base they could. These people are very smart, but definitely not in a good way.

Find out the laws in your state for recording, both audio and video and take advantage of it. If it is a two party consent state, you are screwed, but many states are a one party consent state.

When it comes to domestic violence, as a man, you are 99.69% screwed even if she left marks on you and short of audio/video surveillence, the local PD is not going to bother bringing out a forensic pathologist to figure out who hit who first or if you were simply protecting yourself and left a mark on her in the process (or if she was drunk off her ass and fell on her own). She may not have a job. You have one that requires you to sign a Lautenberg statement to carry a weapon in the Armed Forces. You can't do that with a DV charge. If you are dealing with an escalating situation with a person like this, call the cops first and file a compaint whether she touched you or not. CYA. The more complaints the better, especially if she drinks a lot. Get it on paper so it can be used in court. If you have audio recorders/cameras in the house, more power to you.

Pour all the alcohol in the house down the drain. If you have weapons, get them out of the house and give them to family or a good friend to store so the cops can't take them in the event SigO claims you threatened to kill her.

If you are going through something as shitty as this, talk to your supervisor before they find out something from someone else. I know most of us dudes don't want to talk about shit like this with anyone, especially with a fellow coworker and in the line of business we're in, but it looks better for you in the event psychobitch decides to call your boss and threaten your career. Again, record as much as you can when you can to CYA.

I would refrain from leaving the home without a court order forcing you to leave. Document, document, document.

This is spot on and exactly what my lawyer recommended. I was scared for my life the past year. Sucks to be a prisoner in your own home.


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[Guardian]

Is this how it’s always been? Seems like everyone I talk to that’s going through a divorce, that the woman is going crazy, thinks she deserves everything, and is willing to bury you to get it. I don’t get it. Why is it? Radical feminism? Societal norms going wrong?

Protect yourself.

[Duck]

That’s a really good question that I wish I had the answer to. I think a lot of it boils down to society and this entitlement attitude everyone seems to have. I know in my case the mentality was you owe me this, I am entitled to this. She never wanted to work and stayed at home by her choice. Even when the kids started school she was happy just sitting on her ass and going out with friends shopping all the time. Whenever I mentioned her potentially working she always had an excuse of how she was so overloaded, even though the laundry was always piled up at home, she never cooked dinner, and the house always was messy as $hit. If you ever do have to go to court you will soon find out all about sexual equality. Us men do not get a fair shake most of the time. Even with all the damning evidence that I had and the fact that our kids hate her and don’t want to live with her it was still in my best interest to settle with her out of court. If you would have flipped the script and I was the chick I would have easily had full custody and not had to pay her a dime. But yeah equal rights for women. Fcvk that. Let’s be honest women always fare better in court in almost all cases whether it’s an accused rape or simple divorce.

Rant over. I am actually doing fine but I still feel like the court didn’t do justice for my kids. If I was just one case that would be one thing but I have met more and more fathers who have been screwed by the court system.


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[Gazmo]

Is this how it’s always been? Seems like everyone I talk to that’s going through a divorce, that the woman is going crazy, thinks she deserves everything, and is willing to bury you to get it. I don’t get it. Why is it? Radical feminism? Societal norms going wrong? 

Protect yourself.

 

Well, naturally there are always three sides to every story. Her side, his side and the truth. I am sure some dudes get caught hammering some other woman and their wives go ballistic on them. Fare enough, I guess. That probably still isn't grounds for such behavior. People have their standard marriage stressors. Some can work through them and others probably weren't meant to be from the start.  

Other dudes get caught into a relationship with chics with legit pyschiatric issues like we talked about before, which is a whole different ballgame. This goes waaaaay beyond the standard stress any normal married couple could imagine. BPD, NPD, ASPD, etc. These are all real things out of the DSM. Think serial killer. Most serial killers, in addition to being mentally psychotic, exhibit other traits like BPD, NPD, ASPD and/or sociopathic behavior. I honest to god think women with these issues walk amongst us transparently a lot more than men do because most people simply don't see women being capable of such vindictive, evil behavior and when they are, it's almost always viewed as justified - "Oh well he cheated on her so I don't blame her. I would have cut his dick off!". Ok, but what happened BEFORE all of that? Was she intentionally sucking him dry; financially and emotionally? Was she being a terrible mom and causing emotional and physical harm on their children? Was she tearing his support network apart by purposely alienating him from his family and friends. Did she have substance abuse? This is all real shit and I know men do this stuff also, but we are almost expected to be assholes like this so it is no surprise. However, I think women have a lot more influence on relationships/marriages and ultimately have a lot more power (not physical strength) than men do.

 

Getting out of an abusive relationship like this takes planning and being able to think like your adversary. Of course it's not easy to think like a narcissist unless you are one, but after living with it for 6-7 years you learn after getting burned a few hundred times hoping you'll wake up the next morning with her being normal for more than a few days at a time.

 

At the end of the day, like Duck said, it takes a hell of a lot more work for a man to get what he wants out of the courts than women. As a man, you are expected to hand over your money, your house, your kids and testicles on a silver platter without contest.

[Guardian]

Duck. I hope that your statement was Therapudic and helps people. Thanks for sharing.

[Skitzo]

Paul Elam talks about this extensively on an Ear For Men

He sums it up pretty well in this “interview” clip.

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