French Military Victories

[Guest croftfam]

I thought this was funny, so I'll share. I was looking on a video game site of all places and it had a link making fun of the French, so I figured, "Okay, I'll bite." When I clicked on it it sent me to a site that showed this : french military victories It doesn't happen if you do a real Google search, but still pretty funny. At first I fell for it.

[Gravedigger]

I really like the page that you get when you click on "french militry defeats."

"- Hundred Years War

- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted."

:D

[HerkDerka]

Think about it this way:

Only three times of victory (battles won but the war still lost) in the history of the French:

1) Joan of Arc. They were led by a schizophrenic cross dresser who thought she spoke with God. In the end, her own countrymen capture her and turn her over to the English.

2) Won a few of the Napoleonic wars for a while. Of course there were being led by a short madman who wasn't French. They still managed to screw the pooch regardless.

3) French Revolution. Yep, they won this won. But of course their opponent was.......the French.

French Military

French rifles are the best deal in the world. Never been fired and only dropped once.

How do you spot a French veteran?

Look for the sunburned armpits.

HD

[Spartacus]

If you want to see it directly go to Google. Then type in French Military Victories. Then hit the I'm Feeling Lucky Button. Not the normal search button. That's how you get to that.

[Guest waxgoblin]

and just to piss off 90% of this board... type in "miserable failure" in google and hit im feeling lucky.

[ 18. June 2005, 21:49: Message edited by: waxgoblin ]

[Riddller]

yup... that'll do it waxgoblin...

[Vandal]

Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Must be a French reaction to HD's post.

[PapaJu]

That's it! waxgoblin's getting flogged!

[Mambo]

Originally posted by waxgoblin:

and just to piss off 90% of this board... type in "miserable failure" in google and hit im feeling lucky.

I got an article slamming Clinton and the Democrats. Is that really going to piss off 90% of this board? Maybe I got a different article than the one you were refering to.

[Guest comanche]

It links you to Bush

[Mambo]

Ahhh, I forgot the qoutation marks...that makes a difference.

[slacker]

The Complete Military History of France

· Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

· Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

· Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

· Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

· Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

· War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

· The Dutch War - Tied.

· War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

· War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

· American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome," and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

· French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

· The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

· The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

· World War I - Tied on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein."

· World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

· War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

· Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

· War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?" but rather "How long until France collapses?"

[Guest jmac2222]

I feel bad for doing this, but it is too interesting to pass up.

Type in "miserable failure" without quotations, press the "i'm feeling lucky" button and see what you get.

[Guest jmac2222]

and for the record...

Nothing about that bio sreams "miserable failure" to me.

[Riddller]

jmac- that's what waxgoblin was talking about days ago...

[Guest theflyboy1]

How many French men does it take to defend Paris?

I don't know, it's never been tried...

[Guest skipplet]

"waffles" used to bring up the John Kerry website first, but now he's listed as the third link.

[Guest BLEEDS ON]

Q: How many gears does a French tank have?

A: Six. Five for reverse and one to go forward in case they're getting shot from behind.

Couldn't resist....

[FourFans]

Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?

Because the Germans like to march in the shade.

[Gravedigger]

Why does the NEW French Navy have glass-bottomed boats?

So they can see the OLD French Navy.

Ok, here's the best French joke EVER!

The Maginot Line :D