Wedge theory

[Toro]

Based off something that happened yesterday, I thought I'd open it up for the best 'Wedge' story. For those who don't know, the wedge theory basically says that if you screw up and get in trouble for it, eventually somebody will come along and wedge you out of the spotlight with something equally as dumb or dumber.

I'll start with yesterday's occurence. We flew four student lines cross country yesterday and an instructor crew in a jet that was to follow them around and act as a spare at the out base since we weren't taking maintainers. The spare's one and only job was to take off, fly the jet straight to the out base, and get it on the ground Code 1. They decide that they'd like to delay in the airspace and the conversation probably went something like this -

Pilot: Well, what do you want to do?

WSO: Hmmmm....I'd like to practice my break turns

Pilot: Gee, that sounds like a great idea! Okay, you have the jet.

WSO: Let's see - how did the mechanics of this go? 430 knots and slam the stick back to the seat pan..urrgghhhh

B!tchin Betty: OVER-G! OVER-G!

So they bring the Code 3 jet back to base to the wrath of Top 3, the DO, the CC and the wedge theory.

[Hacker]

Any CT over-G is pretty much an auto wedge.

At Moody we had an IP who failed to secure all his loose items prior to opening the canopy after landing. The result? His FLIP pubs were blown out of the cockpit and, conveniently, directly down the intake of the right engine, FODding it out. I don't remember offhand what a new J85-GE-5 engine costs, but that couldn't have been easy on the O+M budget that month!

Recently we had a student wedge, too. If you guys recall, there are a series of water sump vents on the lower part of the T-38 fuselage. During the walkaround, you're supposed to ensure those vents are flush with the skin. Further aft on the fuselage, there are very similar vents, but these have a big red circle painted around them. That's because these are fuel vents and not water vents.

Well, at some point in this student's formulation of his pre-flight gameplan, he picked up a habit of physically pushing in those vents with his finger, either to try and drain them or as a strange way to ensure they're flush and closed.

Anyhow, on this particular day, the poor preflight technique and the red-circled vents collided, dousing the student -- and all his life support gear -- with JP8+100. His helmet, mask, chute/harness, g-suit, and a bunch of other stuff were condemned.

That stud, BTW, is headed up your way Toro...not sure if he's going to blue or red, though.

[ 04. March 2006, 06:51: Message edited by: Hacker ]

[Scooter14]

Funny you bring this up...I was just explaining the wedge theory yesterday to the folks in our Intel shop. One of our Flight CC's uses he term all the time.

The mighty Stratotanker recently got a mod that installed a Hard Landing Indicator (HLI). It's a little red light on the annunciator panel. The problem is, the HLI system samples the last few seconds before touchdown. If you exceed the VVI, you could potentially set the light off. So, if you "swap ends" at the last second, you could grease it and set the light off. On the other hand, you could prang it on and not set it off.

Either way, it just sucks when you set it off, because you have to decide if it really was a hard landing, whether or not you should call it a day, etc.

Anyway, one of my buds came in and had a firm landing on a Thursday, set off the light, they called it a day. No damage to the jet, the data came back fine. Nobody had set the light off in a while, so he was feeling bad about it.

Until the following Monday night, when yours truly rolls off the perch and decides not to flare all the way. Set off the light, called it a day. No damage to the jet, the data came back fine, but I got a phone call thanking me for being the last guy to do it.

Alas, I am the wedge.

[Guest Hoser]

Originally posted by Hacker:

That stud, BTW, is headed up your way Toro...not sure if he's going to blue or red, though.

Great, just what our village needs, another idiot.

Hoser

[ClearedHot]

I saw a wedge go from defensive to offensive in 6.9 seconds.

A bro in my UPT class is getting his formation check in the T-38. At the end of the flight we taxi clear and open the canopies. Suddenly a puff of smoke comes out of lead’s # 1 engine. Lead shuts down in place and we taxi to park nearby. When I get out of the jet I look over the check pilot is yelling at my bro. My bro tells me later that the Mx folks pulled a checklist out of the engine and the check pilot was giving him the jones… ‘

“You busted this ride, I can’t believe you let your checklist go down the intake”, at which point my bro responds.” Ah sir…, I have my checklist right here…where is yours?”

Wedge

[Riddller]

We always called it the "Fourth Law of Thermodynamics": If the heats on you, its not on me!

I was a bit of a pain-in-the-ass know it all during Nav school who took "short-cuts" in my navigating. As a result, a number of the instructors didn't like me and did there best to run me out of town. Problem was, I never hooked a flight or a sim, so it was a bit tough! Anyway, I messed up big with something like not cleaning my dorm room or something equally as earth-shattering to an E-3, and my ass was in a sling in front of the man. In the middle of it, one of the other students comes in with a DUI!

Needless to say, they forgot about me...

[LJDRVR]

CH's story reminds me of a certain high-ranking NASA astronaut who steps to the jet early one morning at Elington, conducts a cursory preflight, straps in and proceeds to fire up. Unfortunately, the Dynacorp MX troops have left a battery sitting in the Number two intake on this particular T-38. Although he misses it during preflight, our hero discovers the FOD beyond the shadow of a doubt when he attempts to start #2. Very embar$$ing.

In the airline world, there's no real concept of the "wedge", although we do have some folks do stuff so incredibly stupid that their ineptitude becomes legendary.

To whit; several years ago one of our Captain's had an overnight in Tampico. Instead of having a beer and chasing FA's, our intrepid aviator finds himself miles away from the hotel and in need of transportation. Call a cab? No. He walks into WalMart, purchases himself a scooter, fills er' up and rides back to the hotel. The next day this idiot goes out to the jet with his newfound toy and simply has the rampers load it in the cargo bay. He then flies back to the states, where he tells those rampers to simply leave it in back, he'll come get it after he clears customs. Rampers say WTF and contact law enforcement. Captain is charged with a variety of smuggling-type crimes, FAA gets involved because there's a battery and gas in the scooter. (Hazmat) Certificate action ensues. Moron is fired.

Fast forward two years and much hanging out and buying beers for his union pals, and said Captain is reinstated. (with seniority!) This no-talent a$$ clown is now the laughing stock of the entire company. Although we civilian aviators don't tend to have nicknames given to us like our military counterparts, this guy is now universally known as Captain Moped.

[Champ Kind]

Am I the only one that thinks "Captain Moped"'s idea was hilarious and nothing if not resourceful, and that the higher-ups blew things out of proportion in firing him?

Now, if he was still drunk/hungover and at the controls, that's another story. But going out and doing it up and arranging for your own transportation back..... that's good stuff!

[LJDRVR]

Two things went against Captain Moped's favor:

He was not well-liked, and had long possesed a reputation for doing stupid things and not following the rules.

His willfull act cost the company a lot of money, both in terms of DHS fines for the smuggling, but also in terms of FAA sanctions for the HAZMAT.

I can see what you're saying, ten years ago and with the proper personality, he would have pulled it off and been legendary in a good way.

[Champ Kind]

Well put... If you act like a douche, it seems (in my very, very limited experience) that people associated with you are just on the prowl waiting for you to screw up to make that karma come full circle.

....maybe he should have drained the fuel and left the battery....

[Flare]

I know an IP who failed the GK test they give all IPs during an ORI.......he was known as wedge for quite a while.

[Riddller]

GK test?

[Flare]

General knowledge....just general info about AF flying.....aircraft specific stuff and general AF stuff (instruments, etc....)

[Guest Hydro130]

Originally posted by ENJJPT IP:

I know an IP who failed the GK test they give all IPs during an ORI.......he was known as wedge for quite a while.

OUCH!

That dude must have been in the doghouse for a long time....

We had an IN bust a pubs check (multiple hits) during an ASEV :confused: . That dude was hating life for a while. No longer an instructor in addition to being the wedge.

Cheers, Hydro

[ 05. March 2006, 12:35: Message edited by: Hydro130 ]

[Vetter]

We've had a rash of over-G's lately, quite a few of them flying CT. So, of course the boss is getting mad.

Well, he goes cross country, with a pod (g limits 0 to +4). After he gets out of the weather, he decides to porpoise his wingman out to tactical. Well, on the top of the porpoise, he hits -0.05 Gs and of course, he gets the klaxon. Over Gs weren't much of his special interest after that.

[Guest twinkle toes]

We had a viper driver during mission brief count the number of "uhms" the briefer said with the total comming to like 100 something. He of course joked about it the whole way to the jets, and once in the air, guess who messed up the mission!! Call sign IKE...I Know Everything! :D

[ 10. March 2006, 08:36: Message edited by: twinkle toes ]