Best Deid Story

[Cooter]

Originally posted by C17Driver:

I have a buddy that just reported they have ice makers in the DFAC...

Yes ICE machines was the other thing I couldn't remember...wars over folks we can make ice in a desert.

Cooter

[HerkDerka]

Originally posted by C17Driver:

I have a buddy that just reported they have ice makers in the DFAC...

You did not just say "DFAC"...yep, you did. :D

Chow hall people. Just because some shoe clerk got a bullet on his OPR for changing the name to "DFAC", doesn't mean you have to call it so. Sorry, pet peeve.

Originally posted by Cooter:

wars over folks we can make ice in a desert.

It has been ever since the REMFs started showing up at "FOBs". I just love the mentality of shoe clerks who have absolutely no combat application trying to figure out ways to justify their prescence "in country".

HD

[Guest JArcher00]

What about the $2000 plasma tv's in the "chow hall" that tells you what is for lunch. Why not spend that money and invest it in a water heat exchanger so you don't burn you balls when you get into the shower. It sucks when you sweat in the shower.

[Guest THE10MAN]

Not a funny story, just a trip down memory lane:

I first set foot on 'Deid soil in Nov 2001. For a minute, I thought we'd landed on the Moon. The KC-10 ops had just moved in from Doha. After completion of the "Mill Around Checklist - All Crew Positions," our crew was pointed towards 3 huge boxes with our tent inside and were told, "Here's your tent. Set up instructions are inside one of the boxes. Red Horse will try to come over and help if they have time. Here's a case of MREs and 4 million bottles of Haji water. Drink up and get some sleep. You're flying in 16 hours."

The next day I heard some poor bastard got crushed by a forklift. Our little piece of real estate became Camp Andy. No one even thought of reflective belts or ID's 'round the neck. We were just doing whatever it took to get the jets off the ground in the 45+ Celsius heat to get gas to the box. The highlight of our day was our 3 beers at the Wagon Wheel at 0900L after flying an 11.5 thru the night as the "reliability tanker" thanks to the -135 bros Our receiver capability was/is at once an asset and a pain in the ass.

Fast forward to my "fini-trip" in the -10 (RON 'Deid to deliver 6 x Vipers circa Feb 2004.) I had a shake from Baskin Robbins and our CP stocked up on Dunkin Donuts for the crew.

Along with the ChairForce comforts apparently came kingdoms ruled by REMF NSPFs that have no clue. At one point I overhead a Services Before Self troop comment, "The gym will be sweet when one of those 'big grey airplanes' brings in the cardio equipment in next week." Pardon me, but if you're in the Air Force you should be required to know what a C-5 is.

[Scooter14]

Originally posted by Cooter:

Muff's back open btw!

You just made my day. See ya in two weeks!

[wacky]

The offender who closed it will remain nameless, but if anyone else knows the story they can copy that it was right up his alley.

[Champ Kind]

Originally posted by HerkDerka:

I just love the mentality of shoe clerks who have absolutely no combat application trying to figure out ways to justify their prescence "in country".

Do you ever ask them, "Whaaaat exactly... would you say... that you do here?"

[HerkDerka]

No, I don't have the time to hear their 45-minute rhetoric on why they are "combat airmen" with a "warrior ethos".

HD

[Cooter]

Originally posted by HerkDerka:

No, I don't have the time to hear their 45-minute rhetoric on why they are "combat airmen" with a "warrior ethos".

HD

Hey but they have a gold border on their AFESR, that means they've deployed for combat ops!

Oh and they rearranged the chow hall on my side (which by the way creates this huge ridiculous line every time it's open), sure someone got a Legion of Merit for that one.

Cooter

[Guest Slilock]

Originally posted by HerkDerka:

No, I don't have the time to hear their 45-minute rhetoric on why they are "combat airmen" with a "warrior ethos".

HD

My last deployment I was the acting First Sergeant because I was one of the seven people who set up the C-130 sq up at Balad. I also had to assist the Commander notify a pilot who's wife was killed in a car accident and had him home within 24 hours. Big responsibility for a SSgt.

During this time I didn't wear my wings that I wear now, I wore my Personnel badge. Does this make a shoe clerk?

Point being is that I realize that we as fliers have the most important jobs in the Air Force (excluding SOF bubbas), bar none. I also realize there are alot of "shoe clerks" that are wannabe "warriors" in the Air Force. But since I've also been on both sides of the fence I can say that there are alot of people in non-flying careerfields that bust their asses daily to get planes off the ground and in other support aspects and don't deserve the title shoe clerk from anyone.

[HerkDerka]

Originally posted by joe1234:

I challenge someone to just be completely over the top with various violations.

It's been done before and your hypothesis is correct.

HD

[zach braff]

I'm in Baghdad right now and the biggest issue is, well obviously, DCU tops. Apparently it is a critical mission stopping offense to have your DCU top off unless you are actively engaged in "work". Nevermind that the portapotties approach 130 degrees inside, unless you're building something inside (awaits jokes) you'd better have your top on before going in there. You take a water break from digging your trench, repairing your runway, PMIing your NavAid, your top goes back on. The security of our nation depends on it.

Oh, and PT shirts WILL be tucked in. We had one come untucked the other day and two C-17s got stuck in a holding pattern until they were re-tucked.

tagg

[Guest Frog1995]

I got the priviledge to fly 130s out Al Udeid a couple of years ago. Best facilities of any base in country, but I would have rather lived in a tent somewhere after having to put up with the crap all of the various chiefs and colonels put us through. I was there when they institued the no-open toed shoes (ie; sandals) in the chow ha.. er... DFAC. And this was shortly followed up by the mandatory PT uniform wear, but no one had the PT uniform yet. So DFAC shoe clerks were under orders to turn anyone back who wasn't wearing running shorts (Defined by not having belt loops or pockets) or T-shirts (but couldn't have any flashy symbols, though Services tshirts were ok). It was just a huge joke albeit one that was quite annoying. Oh, and reflectives belts. God forbid I wasn't wearing a reflective belt when I walked the ten feet from my room to the crapper at night. Those crazy drivers, you know, the ones driving on the sidewalks, going 15 MPH are really dangerous. Yeah, I have no fond memories of Al Udeid. The place sucked, but only because the shoe clerks and the brass had nothing to do.

As far as services was concerned, I honestly believed that they had no idea what went on off the base. All of the combat aircraft flying off base into war zones could have left, and services would have been perfectly happy just "servicing" themselves.

[Scooter14]

I don't know if I have said this one before but...

In 2002, I was deployed to Oman. It just so happened that our own services folks were tagged to go there as well. Same folks we saw in our flight kitchen and gym were now running the beer tent and gym there. Kind of cool, actually. We were good to them, they were good to us. Small operation, so it was a lot more tightly knit, and everyone wasn't trying to run the dog and pony show of the AOR.

Three years later, I'm eating alone at the "DFAC" and I see a familiar face. It's one of the same Services NCO's. We talk for a bit. She ended up the NCOIC of the DFAC, responsible for making sure everytnig is stocked and however many people roll through there have enough to eat. I'd say that's pretty important.

So, in the course of our conversation, she starts telling me about something that, to this day, I still cannot believe. She tells me that last week, they ran out of certain types of ice cream, for whatever reason. Soon after, she began getting e-mails and phone calls from various first sergeants and commanders on base complaining about the lack of ice cream.

The lack of ice cream in the DFAC.

Here we are, in the AOR. Planes taking off full and coming back empty. Insurgency raging up north, troops in harms way. She's working her ass off trying to make sure thousands of troops are fed hot meals 24/7. What kind of phone calls does she get? Not "Thanks for the hot meal" or "Hey, you guys hooked us up" but "Why are you out of Maple Walnut?"

Zzch, you guys get ice cream in Baghdad? You must, because I think national security depends on it, too.

Unfortunately, I don't know which commanders and shirts were calling her. Until everyone can focus on the MISSION and leave all of this extraneous bullshit behind, it's gonna go on and on and on.

[Herk Driver]

Originally posted by TacAirCoug:

My favorite Died Fun Police story was from before the hard billets were open. In the spirit of the Christmas season, some aircrew decided to decorate one of the SMOKING GAZEBOS with Christmas lights. Soon thereafter, the fire department stopped by and directed them to take the lights down due to the FIRE HAZARD.

Here's the rest of the story:

There's this crew who's AC and FE get a package sent by their two wives that is just overflowing with Christmas decorations. There's a tree and lots of lights and tons of other stuff. One day the FE gets the idea to decorate the smoking pit because lots of guys hang out there and play cards and just generally BS. Remember this is back in Camp Andy and the Herk crews are way back in 'O' and 'P' row if I remember correctly. So the FE and a few friends spend nearly an entire Saturday of their free time decorating and trying to livin' things up for the holidays. Well several days go by and this crew goes off on a mission and returns around 6 pm or so. The AC stays behind at Ops while the other guys head back. Wouldn't you know that the fire marshall meets the crew in the tent row as they get out of the van and asks who the lights belong to. Of course, they are turned on and what a sight it was. Well, much to the ACs surprise there is a huge crowd gathering out in the road as he pulls up in another crew van and he gets out to see what's going on. The FE walks over steaming mad and tells the AC that these two REMFS are telling him that he has to turn the lights off and take them down. The AC talks to the two guys and explains that it makes no sense that you can have an open flame and cigarettes in this area but not UL listed Christmas lights. Both of the guys are enlisted fire fighter types, and at the end of the conversation, the senior fire marshall tells the AC that the lights are dangerous and in violation of the WG/CC policy and they tell him that as the senior officer present that it is his job to unplug the lights and take them down. At first the AC says that he isn't going to do it. The lights are in a smoking area for pete's sake. He refers them to the Sq/CC so the two fire dudes ask him if he is refusing to obey the WG/CC policy. The response was hilarious. He looks them both in the eyes and tells them that he isn't about to walk over and unplug the lights but that if they are so determined to enforce the policy that either one of them is welcome to walk over and unplug the lights and explain to everyone why they are doing so. The two guys look at each other and the gathering crowd of about 15-20 people and decide that they aren't brave enough to do so.

The lights ended up staying on for about another week while the fire marshall and the Sq/CC and OG/CC worked to remedy the problem. Long enough for Christmas to come and go and then the lights were turned off and taken down. You gotta love the deid.

[Chuck17]

Was at the Deid last year for this one - still a 'teflon LT' (nothing could stick to me) - just got done with a 20+ hr day playing in the sand, four stops downrange, standard fun stuff, broke the jet twice - that kinda day.

Entire crew goes off to shower and hit the sack as we are alerting again in 14 hrs. I head to the CHOW HALL because its omlette time, baby. Much to my surprise there is a line to get in. So I stand in said line as the first light of the sun is slipping above the horizon and day is breaking. I get to the door and there is a MSgt in his crisp BDUs, light belt and pointy Marine hat and a 2 striper with her clipboard. I can already see whats going to happen...

Trying to be smooth I slide past with some Aussies and get held up by a large MSgt paw in my chest. "Sorry sir, you dont have a reflective belt on. Im going to need you to return to your quarters and retrieve that before I can let you into the chow hall." I stare in absolute disbelief as he then calls me out on the fact that I have a 'non-regulation' cover on as well (I wear an old desert style BDU hat, not the gay marine hat and I hate the boonie). He didnt mention my sleeves, even though they were up to my elbows.

"Its still light out and I just landed from a 20 hour day of flying... In Iraq. All I want is an omlette, a shower and a bed before I get to go do it all over again in 14 hours."

"Sorry Sir, I cant let you in."

"Sgt, are you going to physically keep me out of the chow hall for not having a light belt on?"

"Well, I will have to report you and your squadron to the wing leadership." (Apparently light belt enforcement was a big priority for J.C.V.)

I grab my nametag - "Here you go, make sure you spell my name right."

2-Striper writes down my name, I say "Have a nice day. I'll see you tomorrow," and go inside.

I thought the MSgt was going to explode. Never heard a thing about it.

Our Canadian exchange pilot said it best: "You guys sure do know how to take all the fun outta being in the Air Force."

Chuck

[ 16. August 2006, 11:10: Message edited by: Chuck17 ]

[Techsan]

I personally enjoy the story of the Col who rode around on his bicycle, and apparently had a small Col liscense plate on said bike, so folks could render a salute as they walked to the bus stop. He also had Col rank on his bike helmet too. I laugh everytime I hear about that dork.

Here is my Died story:

One night several of us C-21 guys decided to hit up the Muff for some good times (and yes, C-21 guys do deploy to the Deid). One of our guys was a DV planner that worked in the CAOC, so he was the only one with access. He was able to hook us all up with visitors passes so that we could attend all the festivites @ the Muff. One of our guys didn't have his ID with him, but no problem. We were still able to get in. After a few hours of karaoke, we decided to cut out and head to the Camp Andy chow hall for the midnight meal. Little did we know that they were checking IDs that night, and our guy that was able to get into the CAOC w/o his ID was not allowed into the chow hall. We all laughed at him and continued through the line without him.

And to those who have yet to experience all the Died has to offer, here is my advice: Be nice to the TCNs. If they ever decide to overthrow the base, they will remember that you were nice to them, and will not harm you.

[ 13. August 2006, 18:55: Message edited by: C21Cowboy ]

[HercDude]

personally enjoy the story of the Col who rode around on his bicycle, and apparently had a small Col liscense plate on said bike, so folks could render a salute as they walked to the bus stop. He also had Col rank on his bike helmet too. I laugh everytime I hear about that dork

He had the old school "cookies & cream" DCU pattern on a cloth cover over his biker helmet. Seemed like he just rode back and forth between CC and Ops all day long. I once heard he was the Med Group CC, which might explain his REMF-ishness. In any case he was a total choad.

[Guest SinCityAMMO]

REMF - Rear-Echelon Mother ****er (ie. someone in the supply line who doesn't give a damn about how his actions mess up life for those at the sharp end) AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

[Guest SinCityAMMO]

Man, I think I'm gonna write a song about REMF's and NSPMFers when I get over there. Maybe it'll get posted in the faux base paper, if such a thing exists when I get there. 3 beers should do the trick to spark some creativity.

[Clayton Bigsby]

I think you'll find 3 beers isn't enough to make the boredom/misery go away, just enough for a light buzz.

wish they had some other beers that packed more punch, it's like drinking 3.2% stuff or something. Or if you could combine each other's ration cards to get one guy on your crew really drunk or something.

[Guest Slilock]

Originally posted by Chuck Farleston:

I think you'll find 3 beers isn't enough to make the boredom/misery go away, just enough for a light buzz.

wish they had some other beers that packed more punch, it's like drinking 3.2% stuff or something. Or if you could combine each other's ration cards to get one guy on your crew really drunk or something.

Yeah, finding "donators" was fun until some idiot would get caught then Services would close down beer serving for a few days :rolleyes:

[HerkDerka]

Originally posted by SinCityAMMO:

Man, I think I'm gonna write a song about REMF's and NSPMFers when I get over there. Maybe it'll get posted in the faux base paper, if such a thing exists when I get there.

The Desert Penguin got shut down by the NSPFs. Irony is a *****.

HD

[Clayton Bigsby]

Originally posted by Slilock:

Yeah, finding "donators" was fun until some idiot would get caught then Services would close down beer serving for a few days :rolleyes:

no, I was saying it'd be nice if it could be done legally. And the donators would have to be responsible for the drunk.

I know it's a bad idea, I'm just looking for a way to get more than 3 beers.

[ 13. August 2006, 21:55: Message edited by: Chuck Farleston ]

[Guest SpectrePilot]

Now that we have so many non-drinking SNAPs, can't us old alcoholics drink THEIR beers? Makes sense to me-- I assume they stock enough for everyone...