TRUE UPT buffoonery

[Stiffler]

We were taking ROTC kids out to the 37 for their gay little Jet-O rides, and my buddy comes back and says "dude, remember that cute girl I just took out to the jet?"

Me: Ya dude she was hot

Him: Ya, i think I forgot to fasten her leg straps together (Basically her leg straps are now dangling)

Sure enough when she came back, got out of the jet smiling, he leg straps were dangling. So if she would have ejected, it would have been "Bye bye miss shoe-clerk-to-be"

I forgot my pubs kit once, got yelled at, only to realize that I was sitting on it when I stood up at the end of the flight.

[Beaver]

On formation solo in tweets I got so separated from my flight lead that I had to fly home alone. I hated tweet formation. I hated pilot training, period.

[Scooter14]

Originally posted by Beaver:

I hated tweet formation.

I was walking back into Life Support with my

IP after my end-of-block Form Ride part Deux. I had hooked for echelon turns, and form did not come quickly to me (sts). It was a marginal ride at best, my echelon turns had improved, but not by much. So, I'm not saying much as we walk. I have a chip on my shoulder because I think it's stupid that this tanker guard guy has to go through this much ass-pain to do a maneuver he will surely never do in real life.

IP "What's wrong?"

Scooter- "Nothing"

IP-"What's wrong?"

S - "Nothing"

IP - "WHAT THE **** IS YOUR PROBLEM TODAY!"

S - "YOU KNOW WHAT? I ****ING HATE FORMATION. I HATE FINGERTIP, I HATE STRAIGHT AHEAD REJOINS, AND I ****ING HATE ECHELON TURNS!"

IP - "Oh. <pause> Know what I hate?"

S - What?"

IP - "I HATE SPINNING WITH YOU JACKASSES WHO CAN'T EXECUTE A PROPER RECOVERY. I HATE HURTLING TOWARD THE GROUND WITH SOME 2LT AT THE CONTROLS. SO I GUESS WE'RE EVEN!"

S - Yeah, I guess so.

Somehow, I was able to get an E on my form check. I'm sure I had an echelon turn in there somewhere, and I somehow kept in there, but we had bad WX. Altus was the alternate, so we had to abbreviate the profile, so I'm sure that helps.

Now, every time I fly cell in the tanker, I wish we could be closer than 1NM.

[F16Deuce]

This first story was done by some d-bag on an area solo in the T-6 a couple classes ahead of me: While on an area solo said d-bag found himself close to going out the bottom of his area. He reacted by reefing back on the stick and by doing so pulled to about 9G's (7.0 is the symmetric limit). He then further freaked out and punched off the accelerometer. He then realized "ah crap they're going to think I was trying to hide it." So what does he do? Pulls to 9G's yet again, forgetting about the fact that there's an accelerometer in the back seat and an in-flight recorder. Pretty sure he declared an IFE and got a chase ship after the ordeal. He later fessed up to it. Pretty sure they didn't kick him out.

This next story was briliantly accomplished by one of my bro's. Back in contact when we were working on HAPL's and the like, the IP gave him a scenario in the area of "what would you do if your engine failed right now?" The stud calculated he was on profile for an ELP to X airfield. The problem was that as he had done in his EP sim the day prior, he actually shut the engine down, in accordance with the boldface, in the real airplane in the area. Realizing what he just did, he jammed the PCL (what we call our throttle) forward before the IP realized what had just happened and the engine caught before it wound down (no, that is not the boldface). The engine spooled back up and they set up for an ELP back here at Vance.

[Guest Rage]

guy in my flight in tweets - after doing the walk around gets into the jet and leaves his parachute on the ground next to the jet, starts doing his startup flow w/ his helmet, gloves, etc on and everything, but not realizing what he was missing, IP looks at him and says, "do i even need to ask?"

[Guest D-BAMME]

Flying T-37 formation at Vance in an Eastern MOA. The IP I was with was a brand new IP and the guy in the other jet was a reserve major with some...interesting ideas about how things should be done.

I was lead and we were doing wing work, I was in a right hand turn away from the border of the area when my IP says "Where did he go?" I looked out just in time to see my wingman pull away to the inside of the area and disappear. My IP and I had no idea what happened. We waited for them to call blind, but no call came, so we called blind to no response. We decided to fly straight and level towards the other end of the area since we had no idea where the other jet went to.

Finally, after a few minutes, the other jet contacted us. The IP sounded very upset and told us that he was circling over 'Garber' and that we needed to find them. I confess, I didn't know the visual cues in the area as well as I should, and my IP had no clue. Long story short, we eventually figured out which city was Garber and rejoined and then flew back to Vance as a formation.

Skip to the debrief. The reserve Major blames the entire thing on me. I asked what happened, and he told me "I saw that you were about to go out of the area, and I was carrying the squawk and didn't want it to look like I went out of the area so I took the jet and stayed in." What I wanted to say at this point was "How is that MY fault? You chose to do that without saying one word to me." Anyway, he continued to treat me like crap for the rest of the debrief, and I'm sure thought I should have hooked that ride. Thankfully my IP didn't agree (but also didn't stick up for me).

One last bit of information, the reason that we couldn't get through to them in the air was that during all of the confusion, the IP got a bit too excited saving his precious M3 and unplugged his comm cord, but wouldn't let the stud answer the radios.

[craino21]

I was in Huey's performing a com check with the other A/C in the formation prior to starting engines, while my stick buddy was doing the preflight. I go to transmit on FM and hear the engines start spinning up...??? My stick buddy, on top of the helicopter starts shouting at me as the rotor starts turning. Apparently instead of pulling the radio transmitter (the trigger on the cyclic) I had pulled the engine starter (the trigger on the collective). Fortunately the fuel pumps weren't on and the motor didn't start, it was just spinning thanks to the starter. Needless to say I felt like a jackass and my stickbuddy was not happy. I didn't hook though, my IP thought it was hilarious.

[ClearedHot]

You would think Rainman has one or two good stories from UHT/UPT, but I guess stories about flying the Jenny are not funny anymore

[Guest Rainman A-10]

TH-55.

Get some.

[BlackJetDriver]

Originally posted by Beaver:

On formation solo in tweets I got so separated from my flight lead that I had to fly home alone. I hated tweet formation. I hated pilot training, period.

Beaver,

G-LOC? 2's blind, again... I'm lost... 2 you're cleared off? This isn't how I remember you from UPT 7 years ago? God's gift to aviation is how I remember it.. Say it isn't so...

BJD

[Guest jcam753]

A dude from my class at Vance was on his pattern solo in tweets. I think there was some kind of emergency on the runway or something, so they were keeping everyone in the pattern. He got the "carry through initial" call (is that what it is 'cause I can't remember it for the life of me). So, he carries through initial. about 20 miles later at 2300 msl OKC approach is on guard asking who is squawking 4301 low entering their airspace. He never freaking turned crosswind!!! He thought he just had to keep going straight until they told him what else to do. Ahhh, we were so clueless back then. He's now flying Vipers. Wine 'em Dine 'em 06-09 'em!

[Zepplin559]

I had my standard UPT flying buffoonery, but the funniest story actually happened on the ground. Ran into a bunch of weather on my second Tweet ride and had to come back early. We landed in a torrential downpour and sat in the jet after we parked to see if the rain would let up. Finally it did, so I unstrapped myself and began to climb out as the rain began to pick up again. I put my foot in the little foothold there on the side and began to climb over the edge when my foot slipped. I tumbled out of the Tweet backwards, landing on my chute like a turtle on his shell. My IP and crew chief were laughing too hard to help me up, so I had to roll over to get up further soaking myself. Needless to say, walking into the squadron covered in parking pad grime and soaked was quite comical.

[Guest WildBill]

I've got lots of UPT stories, lets see, first aerobatics solo and tested the "don't pull through the horizon on the Cloverleaf with anything more than 150 rule," straight out the bottom of the area, smart enough not to over g the jet. Initial solo, accidentally grabbing a student trying to make it back to the flight room who still had their chute on, and needless to say, I got the handle:( Leading out a Form Solo and the weather goes to crap in like 2 minutes, we give the solo the lead, tuck up behind him in close trail and allow him to maneuver as he pleases to find the "so-called-hole-in-the-weather" to get back. .4 later, his last solo is complete. And finally not UPT story, looking for my interval over my wingtip after takeoff, cleaned up, about 200' level and accelerating to turn to low-key in the T-45, see him, reef back and left, and realize I was at 330kts.....oops....all worked out and not a word was said.

[C17Driver]

T-37: My IP (DO at the time) and I rode the bus out to our row and started our preflight checks. I started to climb into the jet and looked over and noticed he didn't have a chute. I waited a little bit to see if he would notice. After he climbed in and sat down, I asked if he always flew without a chute. --Of course it didn't come up in the debrief.

[HerkDerka]

Originally posted by WildBill:

accidentally grabbing a student.....and needless to say, I got the handle

Wow. It sounds like you were on a different syllabus than when I was in UPT.

HD

[Guest rumblefish_2]

Doing a spin in tweets and didn't realize I hadn't secured the downlock handle well enough and during the spin it's flopping around down there with every negative G. My German IP flips out and takes the jet and tells me not to move. He goes on and on about trying to kill him and blah blah blah...I can't remember what I hooked for exactly, I'm sure it was "Airmanship."

NVG ride...my flight lead and I get separated during an ingress and we're rejoining beak to beak for an LGB attack, and he says he's turning left to south and I'm supposed to roll out on the right side. Well he turned left THROUGH south and proceeds north, all the while I'm turning south. I think I've rejoined on him because I look out and see a strobe blinking, which I think was actually some tower on the ground. By the time I call blind and realize we're 10 miles apart and going opposite directions, I have managed to fly out of the MOA by ALOT. There's nothing like the "All Vipers fly North" call to make sure everyone is going the same direction. Good thing he had the squawk. I hate NVG flying...

[Guest thegotoguy]

While making landings at Vance I would do the ol' double click (as if it was from the IP RDO? on the ground stating, "Nice, smooth landing!") My IP in the jet would usually give me props but every once and a while the jackass RDO would chime in and state "DISREGARD" it was hilarious but of course I never disclosed who the hell clicked what!

Una mas cerveza por favor senorita!

[Guest SpectrePilot]

In T-37, did "Victory Aileron Roll" while descending out of the MOA on the prescribed descent radial (during "course-rules recovery" for you Navy types.)

IP thought it was kinda funny, kinda cocky, kinda cool. Chuckles as he debriefs me not to do that again.

Here's where I screwed up: told another not-doing-so-well-in-the-program buddy he should do the same thing with same IP. NOT cool!

IP was on verge of tears with beet-red face as he chewed my ass in FLT CC's office... "You can get a friend killed with double-dog-dares!!"

[sky_king]

My dollar ride is today so any bets on how long I have until my first UPT buffoonery story? I'm going to stay about 6-9 seconds after the IP says "OK, go ahead and take the plane for a little bit."

Update: It was about 6-9 seconds actually. My first military radio call ever, I use the wrong call sign. Dammit!

[ 16. November 2006, 18:04: Message edited by: sky_king ]

[HerkDerka]

It will take a little while to build the SA to know when you have really screwed the pooch. Shitty radio calls for a UPT student = standard.

HD

[Guest KoolKat]

Definite '2' on HD comment.

I love funny stories, and most of the times you mess up they are...that's great. However, sometimes there not.

I have another that I'm willing to share (I'm sure I have a few more I'm willing to share, but I'll save them.)

Enter Corpus Christi, TX:

I've completed my review stage, my checkride and am ready to do my cross country with another stud.

Supposed to be the highlight of my time there. Not so much. I get told I'm restriced to the "Tour of Texas!" One take off and one landing, and both are gonna be at home field.

There are supposed to be a certain number of hours that you fly for this event, but my "Instructor in charge" (whatever the f_ck the Navy called that guy again) says, if you guys don't fly the whole thing that's alright. We'll just log what you need.

"Fly what you want, Log what you need." Heard it? I hate that phrase.

We get about 2 hours into the flight...oh, oh...I forgot.

I got to go with the damn cajun marine in the class, whom I found to be a dickhead, not to mention i could barely understand a damn thing he ever said...I wasn't pleased about that. Anyhoo..

About 2 hours into the flight he starts talking about what the IP had said. Suggests maybe he could coordinate just going from point whatever to some later point and cuting off about an hour...

I fought with it for a while, I wanted to fly the whole thing at first. Maybe becuase that what I know I should have done or, I don't know...

Anyhoo...I finally agree and we do it. Once we get back on the ground, we have a bunch of write ups to make. I tell the marine to fill out some of our stuff and I did the rest. He put in the take off and land times. I signed it, but NEVER looked it over.

Turns out, as I got called after i had already gone home, that the land time was BEFORE the scheduled take off time, or some bullshit...it didn't add up, that's what matters.

The Mx people b1tched, saying this isn't the first time thats happened and called the Ops O.

The Ops O was LESS than pleased. I went in thinking I just needed to correct the times that the marine had put on the card (which the IP in charge had said was what I needed to do,) but when I got there I was told to go to the other side of the hangar to the "waiting room." (if you went to corpus you know what that room is...but, it's basically just the room you chill in while your waiting for your IP that day to come get you saying he's ready to breif the flight for the day.

I wasn't just chillin' this time! Man, did that waiting suck.

I knew what I did. "Fly what you want, Log what you need."

Ops O finally, after about an hour comes and gets me. I'm standing at attention in the office, he's saying things like, "Why do you think your special?" "Do you think lying is an acceptable trait in an officer?" "Where'd you get this bright idea?" And the best part... "What are we going to do about this?"

Hmm..my answer. "Sir, I don't know what your going to do with me. However, this certainly isn't the first time this has happened. I'll respect whatever descision you make regarding me, but your still going to have to deal with the culture that has developed in your squadron regarding this matter."

I remember those words like they we're yesterday. He threatened to convene a panel to kick my ass out for an integrity violation. It would have been a clean kill if he went that way.

Instead, he went and talked to that IP in charge and the marine. They both we're honest and stood up like officers. They could have taken some bad shit too. I was gonna get the lynching, but they were going to get reprimanded too. They did it anyway.

The Ops O came and got me again. This time he said, "Have a seat."

I honestly can't remember anything from that conversation other than one sentene that ame out of his mouth, "Let's agree that we both learned something today."

I agreed.

I did.

BENDY

EDIT: Oh, and total piss of the story...While talking to the marine the day after, he says I should just thank his for "what he did for me."

I didn't, and I still don't think I should have. Nor the IP, although to his credit he had more decency than to say something so f_cked up. The IP said sorry to me. I told him things worked out fine, it was cool, don't worry about it...

[ 17. November 2006, 08:54: Message edited by: Bender ]

[LockheedFix]

Bender,

We are all now dumber for having read that post. I award you no points. May God have mercy on your soul.

[BFM this]

Plagiarism.

[Guest SnakeT38]

This is an old one.........most will not remember

the white, heavy as shit helmet we used to wear.

We used to get very creative and "modify" the plastic visor cover with paint, decals etc etc.

My helmet was easily the coolest one in the class and I did it all by myself over a weekend.

We always used to put the helmet on top of the stick while doing the walk-around. While moving the elevator up and down I "detected" some "rough" control operation that I was determined to find. I moved that thing up and down about 100 times only to go back to the cockpit and find the "problem", as that helmet crashed against the intrument panel it F%$#ed up my awesome paint job and now it looked like I took an Aim 9 in the visor!!!! Spent the sortie thinking up a lie as to how it "really" happened.

[Guest SnakeT38]

Originally posted by ClearedHot:

You would think Rainman has one or two good stories from UHT/UPT, but I guess stories about flying the Jenny are not funny anymore

If Rainman can remember what the HH43 was he is old, otherwise his stories only reflect seasoning.

[ 19. November 2006, 23:51: Message edited by: SnakeT38 ]