Bringing family/spouse/girlfriend to UPT

[Bergman]

Just finished at Laughlin. My wife was there with me, and we don't have any kids yet.

In my experience, it seemed each class had only one or two families with kids. Our class had only 7 of 28 that were married. The wives got along for the most part, although from what I hear from other classes (and ours at times) there is a bit of soap opera drama to be had - who's doing what, how well so-and-so is doing, etc. Guess it will depend on your particular class.

As for family life...here was a typical day for me. This schedule is fairly close for at least 5 days a week - refused to study on Friday night or at all on Saturday - and probably went like this for every week except the first 4 (T-37 academics), the 3 weeks of T-1 academics, and the last 3 weeks of the year (I finished flying 14 days before assignment night). Anyway, here goes:

0600 - Report to flight room

1800 - Leave Flight room

1815-1930 - Eat dinner and spend time with wife

1930-2230 - Study and chair fly

2230-0500 - Sleep

I don't think I was a workaholic, but I definitely put some time in. Anyone else have an opinion? PAB?

[Guest C-21 Pilot]

Hope you get selected, bro...

Anyways, I went through Vance about 2 yrs ago with a wife and 3 kids. My study regiment follows Bergmans to a "T". I would never study Friday nights after work, nor on Saturday. Then from 1200-1800 on Sunday I would go to the library and study.

0400 wakeup/workout

0500 show

1700 home/dinner/time with wife and kids

2000 kids in bed, study time.

As you can see, its only 3 hours a day with your family. It does get rough, but it tapers down to more time as you get towards of the end of Tweets and/or T-38, T-1's.

We had 9 married folks in my class, with a total of 16 kids...10 were prior service, only 4 AFA grads. We were a very unique class because the class behind and in front of us had maybe 4 married folks total.

Straight from the horses mouth...from my wife to your's....

Find an interest that keeps her busy (whether home business, working out, etc), and don't have her revolve her life around your schedule. She needs to plan on EVERYTHING will revolve around you. All the attention will be focused on you.

I know if you go to Vance, and I would think the other bases as well, there are many on and off base support groups that can help. Vance, for example, had a MOPS program (Mothers of Preschoolers), many playgroups, etc. When you get to your UPT base, go to the casual office and seek other married students (with or without kids) and befriend them. If they are in classes ahead of you, you can get helpful tidbits from them as well. Good icebreakers as well, and you'll see the same folks at the O'club all year long.

My final thought is this...you guys need to understand that MANY, MANY people have done this before you guys, and many will do it after. It's just a painful hurdle....

[Baseops.Net]

Just to add - I have a section about life in UPT - typical day - and life on a UPT base --> please check out that page for additional info.

CLICK HERE for UPT Section

[Scooter14]

Fellas and spouses,

Can't add too much more to C-21's post, he hit the nail on the head.

I'm walking in C-21's footsteps now with a wife and 1 kid and one in the oven. My wife is one of five spouses and the only one with kids, so ditto the whole MOPS thing. There is enough out there offered through the base.

Tweets is tough when you are on Formal Release, but once you can control your schedule a little, it gets better.

Jarhead, when you phrased it like that, it definitely makes it better, especially if the spouse has this whole military experience thing going on like yours and mine do.

A lot of times, after a long week that's not over yet, I'd be sitting there studying in my living room with the kiddo in bed and my flightmates scattered about and I'd look at my wife and say "Well, it could be worse, I could be back in my tent in Oman/Saudi/pick-a-stan, any-stan..." and you both realize that you are home every night and can catch the occasional soccer game, it makes it better. Sure beats a 6 month MEU, eh?

From my wife to yours..."Go to the gym every day, and keep busy so you don't go stir-crzy on your husband."

E-mail us with questions or concerns, we're all here to help.

PAB

[Guest AFMama]

Hi! I just found this site and I'm in need of a little advice!

My DH is leaving for OTS in a couple weeks and then he'll be off to UPT (not sure where yet). We have three little kids (2yr old, 1yr old and 10 wk old). I've heard how UPT is very "busy" and stressful on the guys. I'm wondering if it will just be easier on us all if I stay back home and keep working while he is at UPT and then join up when he gets a real "station". With our kids being so young, there is never a dull moment in our house, which I'm sure it going to cause choas when he tries to study.

But then there is the other side of it that the kids won't see their dad. DH keeps saying we're going with him beause everyone else is bringing their wives, but just how many bring three little kids and still make it through with some sanity left over and a marriage that uisn't full of screaming and yelling?

We live in Kansas City, so if DH gets Enid, I can always visit on weekends when he has the time. I'm just wonderng what your opinions/advice is from already going/gone through UPT.

Thanks!

Kelly

[Guest C-21 Pilot]

Kelly,

Congrats to your husband on getting a pilot slot with the AF!

Here was my family's delimma (almost mirroring yours)...

I went through UPT at Vance with my wife and 3 kids. At the time, the oldest was in Kindergarten, and the youngest turned 1 yr old while I was in T-37's. I found it EXTREMELY helpful not only physical but mentally for my family being there. Yeah, days were long, and I was gone, but there always the weekends.

For studying, your husband can go to the library, to the flightroom, or to a classmates dorm room. We set a straight forward bedtime of 8:00 pm EVERYNIGHT for our kids, that way mom and I could have our adult time, I could get in another 1-2 hours of studying, etc.

Also, if you decide to go with him, you both need to set a straight-laced schedule for his studying/work. For most folks, Friday after work until Sunday around 3:00 pm were considered "sacred" and not one book was cracked open. That works really well.

That time your husband would spend driving the 4 hours to KC would get extremely old, and would also require Commander's approval, and driving the 4 hours yourself (like you stated) gets extremely frustrating (from the mouth of my wife!!)

Also, the entire 54 weeks isn't entirely composed of rigorous 16 hour days. The first 6 weeks are academics which are fairly easy, and not very time consuming. The last 6 weeks of UPT are when he is almost winged and is a failry competent "pilot", so it's just brushing up on basic skills and learning a few new tricks. Again, not too time consuming. The worst areas to be considerate of would be the first 2 months of the flightline of bothe the T-37 and T-1/T-38 phase. A crap load of information to learn in not that much time.

Your husband can contact AFPC, through his recruiter, and ask to be stationed at Vance (Enid, OK). He will need to draft up a letter stating the reasons why Vance would be a good choice...immediate family nearby, communte time back home, etc.

I'm from Fort Worth, TX originally, and I requested the same and was granted permission. That shouldn't be any problem as long as he makes his case early on in the process. The folks at AFPC have seen that situation before and should be able to accomidate.

Research the Pro's and Con's of you going and you staying in KC. I am EXTREMELY proud of my family for 1.) sticking behind me while I was there and 2.) being able to witness the transformation. There have been literally hundreds of families that have gone to UPT together and have made it through. Don't let the kids be an excuse for you not to go. If finances play a factor, since you'll be working, than that's a whole 'nother ballgame folks.

I completely agree with your husband that you should go. In my UPT class, we had 9 married folks, and 16 kids, and that was *way* beyond the norm. Average class will have 2-5 married folk, with maybe a handful of kids....but, there are many support groups in the community.

Also, try getting onto

https://www.afcrossroads.com/html/spouse/index.cfm

Search a bit, and you'll find a Spouse Forum which many AF spouses sit and converse about everything, and maybe someone there can give a bit more insight.

Bottom line, you need to go. The kids are still young enough to where they won't miss dad too much.

[Guest IAGuardWife]

Kelly,

My husband and I do not have any kids of our own, but were in the same boat as you are now. We owned a home and had a new one under construction when we found out that my husband was going to UPT. My husband got accepted through the guard, so we knew that we were coming back to the same area we lived in. I had a job that I loved with lots of promotion potential. (or so I thought, but that's another story for another day!!)

Our plan was for me to stay behind and work at my job while he was at UPT. We were living in Omaha, NE and hoping for Vance. I had a friend that was going to move in with me and pay rent to help with the cost of supporting two households. The more and more I thought about it, the more I didn't want to be away from my husband for so long. He was active duty before, so we have had our fair share of separations. I just didn't want to do it if it was voluntary.

We sold our home, stopped construction on the new one, I quit my job (thank god....so much for the promotion I was promised!) and I went to UPT with my husband. It was the best choice I could have possibly made!!!!

Here are some things to think about when making your decision.

1. The cost of two households is pretty high, esp. with 3 kiddos. Your husband won't be able to live in the dorms on base because he's married, and he won't be able to get base housing if he's alone. (well he could, but it would be a huge waste of housing allowance for him to get a base house alone) Depending where he would go to UPT, off base housing could be questionable. We were at Laughlin and off base choices were very limited, not to mention awful.

2. He would spend as much time on the phone with you each night as he would visiting with you and the kids if you were there. We had a guy in my husband's class who got married during pilot training and his wife was also active duty. They weren't going to do anything about their assignments until after he got his (makes sense) He spent every free moment of the entire year tied to the telephone and missed out on so many things.

3. Your husband would also miss out on the fun things to do at UPT on the weekends if he was traveling home all the time. We had a guy who was a reservist in San Antonio and his wife stayed behind. A good move for their family, it was only 3 hours away, they owned their home, have a business there in town and are coming back to San Antonio. But, he missed out on lots of things and he hated that. He lived in an off base apartment and he hated it. He had a bed a desk and a tv. He was bored and miserable. He drove home every single weekend (his business was there and he had things he needed to do). But pilot training was a lot longer for him than other folks. He missed out on the good times.

4. This is going to be the one of the biggest things your husband EVER does in his life. (namely because you are the one that has the babies, not him) You really don't want to miss it. If you can, please share the experience with him. It will mean so much to both of you.

Kids or no kids, my husband and I had a set schedule, too. He came home and we had dinner, spent about an hour together and then he went in his room and closed the door to study. He would stay for 3-4 hours. We would spend another 15-30 minutes together right before he went to bed.

C-21 had some great points. He can spend some time with the kids (even if his time is bathing and feeding them - gives you a break and allows him to spend time with them) and then he can study while you get them off to bed. The two of you can spend some time together and then he can still hit the sack early.

There were days that were 12 hours long plus 4 hours of studying. But there were a lot of days that weren't so bad. We actually went waterskiing during the week a few times when they were in T-1 academics. There were some monday night football nights and even a FEW dinner and a movie on weeknights. Not often, but it can happen.

My husband and I had a great class. We made some friends that are going to last a life time. I spent some time on the phone yesterday with someone from our class that has become a great friend to both my husband and I (ChuckFlys17s) and we were laughing about all the fun things and crazy nights. (we don't have kids, so there was a lot of alcohol in our good times) I wouldn't trade those memories for the world. I really wouldn't.

My bottom line, after I have blabbed on and on is this...if you want to make it work, you can. You just have to be willing to try. Good luck to both of you!

[Guest C-21 Pilot]

This is a great thread 'cause it is one of the items that WE did not have prior to UPT.

At Vance, they have MOPS (Mother's of Pre-Schoolers) which is very similiar to a play group. Also, at Emmanual Christian Church, there is a daycare that is 100% top-notch.Also, there is the YMCA that offers freedaycare for members. Also, a trusted babysitter one day a week can keep the screws in your head tight if you know what I mean.

At all AF bases there is the Family Support Center, and like IAGuardwife stated, the one stop shopping for help. Look and see if they offer a Parents Night Out, which we always made time for.

Again, we had 9 married folks, and all of the wives were extremely supportive. If you can find a good friend, try trading Wednesday daycare (you watch her kids for a little bit on one Wednesday, and the next week, the same obligation is returned to you....just a suggestion.).

Also, hasn't been mentioned yet, but once your husband gets off of formal release, then he can come home and spend a few more hours each day at home.

[Guest cofc97]

It's hard to tell someone what to do, b/c everyone has a different situation. For us, probably financially, it was the best thing to do, but it was really hard. And now that I have been here for three months and am now going through the training with him, I realize how much happier my life is just because of it.

The night my DH graduated from the T-37, I felt a bit guilty. There was a part of the program where the host made a mention of thanking the wives for all of the support they gave to their spouses during their training. For making lunches, for lending an ear, for not giving them a hard time, for being just part of their support system...and he said their success is made possible in large part because of it. I felt so bad because my husband had my support, but I was 500 miles away. I saw him for six consecutive days over Thanksgiving, and that was the longest period of time I spent with him from July 19 until December 25.

It was expensive for us to maintain two households. It was much harder for me to understand what he was going through. It was hard for him to find the time to talk to me about what was going on in his life (and vice versa) at a time that was was best for both of us. I can only imagine how much having kids in the equation would complicate that.

And furthermore...don't forget to REALLY look at it from your childrens' perspective (and it sounds like you are). How will they feel about missing out on the life of their father for the better part of 1-2 years? And from his perspective?

And just a note...my husband's UPT base assignment changed six weeks before he was scheduled to go (from Vance to Columbus).

In my husband's class, there are nine wives, I think...and only four of us that don't have kids...and one of those is expecting. When we get together (the wives), the kids are always welcome. And, there are many wives without kids who put their names on babysitting lists so it's relatively easy to find someone to watch the kids so you can have some time off.

Bottom line, if you can go...GO! I don't regret for a minute that I decided to come...I only wish I had come sooner. Money is great, but it's not the only thing. Your husband will make it through...as others said, if it's loud at his house, he'll go over to a buddy's house to study. My husband is ALWAYS getting together with other classmates.

It's so much fun meeting the other wives, and from my perspective, it's easier for ME to go through the process with the support of other women going through the same thing.

You and your husband can make it work. Best of luck to you both!

[Guest angwife]

Does anyone have any positive stories about spouses not being able to go with their husbands and making it work out? Due to financial and career reasons it may not be possible for me to quit my job and follow my husband to flight school. The aboard posts look pretty grim (i.e. the only two unaccompanied students at UPT did not make it through.) I would probably come visit my husband every other weekend if I could. Did any wives go through this and if so, do you have any advice?

Thanks!

[Guest IAGuardWife]

I wouldn't say that it's "grim". It's probably a lot harder to go through without your spouse, but it can be done. Our friend did it. He hated being apart from his wife, but they made it work. He did well in the program, also.

I am sure it can be done. My brother has been in Baghdad for almost 11 months, and though this is the most difficult thing he has ever had to do (besides Desert Storm) he and his wife are working it as best they can. It's going to take a long period of adjustment and some counseling, but the are going to be fine.

But again, for the numerous reasons listed by everyone above...if you can make being at UPT together work, do it.

Something to point out that hasn't been mentioned above, a lot of guys that do well in UPT are married. I don't know if there is really a correlation or not, but it seems pretty typical. Both the number one guys from our class (one from T-1s and one from T38s) were married and had wives there to help them out.

The first week we were at UPT there was an assignment night at the O'Club. Someone from our class went up and asked the number one guy from the other class what his secret for doing so well was. His response was "I owe it all to my wife".

[Guest cofc97]

Are you getting married before UPT? How long have you guys been together? For us, we had been together for a while and married for a year, but we hadn't been in the same place for much of our relationship. A continued long distance relationship was very hard, but possible.

It was hard because his schedule was so tight and sometimes, he wouldn't have but one slot of time where he could talk to me on the phone, and that didn't always work with my schedule. It's not like when you are there and you know that you get the time in bed (to talk!) if nothing else. Plus, for me, for my job I spent much of my day talking on the phone and it was hard to come home and spend more time on the phone..especially when his mind was on all he needed to be doing.

Another thing was that I just found it hard not being a part of the spouses. I felt sorry for my husband because he wasn't single, but he didn't have me there...so he ended up being the fifth wheel hanging out with the married folks all the time. He lived in on-base housing so he was smack in the middle of all the families.

However, that said, his house was the great place for all the guys to come and study and they were kind of bummed when I came to stay!

I'll say this, I'm not going to tell you what to do...I just thought I'd share some of our experience. It was very hard. It's very hard to feel "married" when you are so many miles apart. It takes a lot of work and a ton of commitment on both parts. You both have to fully recognize and respect what is going on in your own lives, even though you really won't have a complete grasp of it without being around each other every day.

I completely understand your (both of you) desire to separate during UPT (literally/physically only, of course). But it is a major decision. I remember when I came to Track Select (and by then I had just moved there), the leaders of the ceremonies were praising the spouses and saying how their husbands could not have succeeded without them being there to support them (i.e. fixing meals, listening to them, calling out things they needed to memorize), and I felt like such a schmuck. But my husband made it through on his own, and he appreciated, and more importantly, completely understood, that we made the best decision for OUR situation. That's all you can do.

Best of luck to both of you. If you have any questions, let me know.

(Sorry to be so narrative...I'm a rambler...)

[Guest prgupt01]

Guardwife,

Wow! great post. It sounds basically like what I expected: It will be difficult to have long-distance relationship, but it definately may be the best compromise possible.

I am getting married before UPT (January 8th, 2005) so i know that makes the housing situation easier at UPT. I am also Guard, so track selection and competition won't be AS important simply because I've got to pass in order to get my airplane.

Of course we both love being around each other, but we're able to obviously live and breath when we're apart so it won't be too hard in that sense. It's just the distance and resulting degredation of communication that could be difficult.

Guard/Reserve Hopeful: Good strategy! She earns vacation every month, and I have a lot of uncles that fly for airliners. maybe we can swing something like that. if nothing else, I have a crappy car that we can pound the miles on if we run short of cash.

Sounds like this compromise will take more looking into.

Anybody have serious regrets/problems from not bringing their spouse? What about serious regrets/problems from BRINGING their spouse?

thanks for the posts

[GreasySideUp]

My wife and I are not together while I am at UPT and it sucks big time. She is military also so we have no choice. I suggest to rent your house out, have her enquire about working out of the house since she deals with computers at a big company or have her sacrifice her job for a year while you are at training. It will be way better for your marriage to live poor than to make a large income that you can't blow together. I have a ton of extra expendable cash right now but I would trade it in a minute if my wife could be here. In the married flight your buds will all bring in leftover chicken parm for lunch while you have the same turkey sandwich every single day. While they are out on date night, you'll be doing your laundry. Not to mention having someone to give support on your bad days. It is a much better decision to put your marriage ahead of your career, especially in your first few years. She will have a great time while you are working if that is an issue- all the wives get together and figure out how to spend your bucks on hair dos and manicures and the like.

Can she live in a different state and have it all work? Sure, but it is miserable if you guys get along at all. You cannot develop a relationship over the phone no matter how good a talker you are and many days you are only going to have a few minutes to talk vs sitting down and having dinner. Plane tickets are expensive day of and unfortunately you can't plan the week you have the checkride - often it will be the same weekend she comes down. If she works on Friday and monday then she will really only be here for a full day - getting in late friday night and leaving Sunday afternoon. You guys will see each other 12 -20 full days in a 365 day year - good times.

Take all that for what you will but I would absolutely not recommend leaving your wife behind if money is the only issue driving you to do so. Understand the sacrifices she is making and then buy her some nice diamond earrings to make up for it .

Good luck what ever you decide.

-j

[Guest IAGuardWife]

My only recommendation is this....if there is ANY way on God's green earth for her to come to UPT with you, do it....no matter what it takes!! The both of you will regret it forever if she doesn't go through this with you. Granted, if you absolutely have no choice, then there's nothing you can do. UPT is going to be one of the toughest/greatest things you EVER do. Don't you want your biggest fan/supporter there to share it with you?

If you run home every single weekend to see her, you miss out on so much, the fun stuff. Friday nights at the O'Club, Saturdays at the lake, BBQs on Saturday nights. One of the guys in our class did this (he is reserves in San Antonio and we were at Laughlin, so it was easy for him to jet home), but he never did fit in with the class...sure he was a great guy and everyone liked him, but he was never there to hang out. Our class had a fantastic amount of unity and he missed out on that bond w/ his classmates.

When your wife comes to visit, she won't be "one of the girls" because all of the other wives will do everything together. They may or may not make an effort to be friendly to her and include her when she comes down. (it depends on the wives in your class)

If your wife isn't with you during the week, there are so many fun/important things she will miss out on. Your initial solo and getting thrown in the pool, burger burns that the wives organize and run, watching parasailing during aerospace phys, bringing lunch to the flight room on Fridays and participating in the squadron spouses group. Not to mention all the help and support you can give him while he actually prepares for quizzes, checkrides and standups. I think to this day, I know the T-37 boldface!

Guardwife, I am very happy to hear that you have joined your husband at UPT. I know you were missing out on a lot and I am glad you will be able to share this experience with him, after all!!

I don't envy the decision any of you have to make, so I hope you take it under careful consideration and do what is truly best for you!!!

[Chuck17]

When I went through I got to see my girlfriend-fiance-now wife exactly 4 times over 54 weeks... She was in St. Louis in school still, I was in Del Rio, TX. Once-a-quarter average is pretty shitty and I hope you can make it happen more than we could, especially if BOTH of you are going to be that busy. You wont get much time off and dont plan on taking leave other than Thanksgiving and/or Christmas. The more she can get to see you, the better. I hope you will be closer to each other than me and my wife were - that will sure make it easier to get to see each other.

[Champ Kind]

I posted this under another topic about bringing wives to UPT in the "Pilot Selection Process" topic board...... I figured I would also post it here to make sure I was able to get the best advice from everyone. Thanks a lot, as this means a great deal to me, and I (we) want to do the right thing.....

_______________________________

My girlfriend (not wife) will be done with school this December (she's up in VT right now). We've really been throwing the idea around about her moving down to Columbus before I start UPT in March 2005.

We're not engaged, but we have been together for over a year and a half, and things are going well. However, I've never lived with anyone before (besides roomies, of course), so her coming down would be a big step. Plus, I don't think I will be able to move off-base until about Feb 2005 (as per the Columbus regs regarding single UPT studs, and I really don't want to get married JUST so that we can lived together and draw BAH, as many stud do). Lastly, I'm concerned that she will not be able to find employment in Columbus, and I just don't see how we could both live off of my O-1 pay (not with her bills and mine together.....It may be POSSIBLE, but it would be the "not going out at all and eating ramen noodles" possible."

One solution I've thrown out is having her come visit for a few days or even a week or longer to get a feel for the area, possibly find a job and an apt, and just move down to Columbus before I am allowed to move off base. When my name comes up on the "off-base list", we could move in together.

Bottom line: I really want us to be together for UPT for all the reasons listed above (particularly by IAGuardWife......great post(s) by the way!). But, I want to make sure that we aren't rushing into anything either, and that we don't kill ourselves financially just because we don't want to be geographically separated.

ANY input on this situation would be GREATLY appreciated. I have always wanted to be an Air Force pilot, but I really love this woman and I don't want to forced into a situation where I'd have to "choose." Thanks a LOT!

[ 16. October 2004, 00:42: Message edited by: PhlashNU04 ]

[Guest AFMama]

Eek...sticky situation! I will agree with you to have a "trial" down in Columbus. However, on the other hand, you don't want to scare her into thinking that UPT is what the rest of your life will be like in the AF. Make sure she knows just how busy you are.

On the flip side, it will truly benefit you to have her there. There is a guy in my husband's UPT class now who's girlfriend lives back home, and he's constantly wondering what's going on, and he also doe3sn't have the help that the other guys do (laundry, lunches, etc). When you start Phase II, your spare time will be limited, so even if she flies down for a weekend, you don't have much real time to spend with her.

I would definitely have her start looking for a jobs and see what's available. My opinion is that you two will definitely benefit being together. Is there anyway that you guys can start living together before you go to UPT to get a taste of what it's like?? Then there will be no surprises come UPT time!

Kelly

[Guest Tweety]

Hi! Tell your girlfriend that there is at least one other person in the same situation. I'm heading down to Columbus in June (my boyfriend starts UPT in May) and am already in the process of looking for teaching jobs in the area. I'm getting my own place and am hoping to connect with some of the other spouses. Glad to hear I'm not the only one!

[WHAP]

Just a thought, and more power to you for making plans, but UPT aint the time to be making radical changes in your life. On the flip side of Kellys post, Ill say this cuz your husband can yell at me tmw if he wants too-hes right next door nowadays, there is a dude in my class whose wife is at home in Indianna. He spends a lot of time on the phone and she comes down alot, but it works out.

I know I probably sound like I am saying dont do it, but be careful, i know I couldnt handle radical changes in life right now without hurting my performance, and you go to UPT for pilot training. when people find out you have other things on your mind, they get mad.

[Champ Kind]

Originally posted by WHAP:

I know I probably sound like I am saying dont do it, but be careful, i know I couldnt handle radical changes in life right now without hurting my performance, and you go to UPT for pilot training. when people find out you have other things on your mind, they get mad.

That's one of the foremost things on my mind. But also, it seems that for almost every one person I talk to that says what you just said, there's another that says something to the effect of "I couldn't have made it through UPT without my wife (girlfriend, significant other, etc...)

[Guest AFMama]

I'm good friends with the wife in Indiana, but I think it may be a little different being a "wife" compared to a "girlfriend". Being a girl, we can get a little psycho on the brain sometimes! If we're married, we don't have to second guess feelings like we do when we are dating. If you do plan to make it a long distance relationship, make sure you both are 100% ready for the changes coming. I've thought about moving home, but my husband won't let me. I work back in Kansas (telecommuting right now), and it would be 10 times easier for ME to pack up the kids and go. But he won't budge. He likes the whopping 10 minutes a day I see him, and the ease of not having to worry about domestic stuff. I know, everyone is different, and this is choice you will need to think hard about. Moving in is a huge step, and like WHAP said, UPT is not a time to be making huge steps. Then again you will have a little time before classes start, and really the first 6 weeks is fairly easy (at least it weas for my husband, home between 1-3 every day).

Good luck!

[Guest av8trix]

Hey,

My husband is in the Army. We were dating well before I even thought about coming in to the Air Force. He was going through special forces training and we only knew each other for a few months. He then had to move and even though we like each other a lot, we knew that we didn't have the mature relationship necessary to be together. We lived about 13 hours apart for several months. This time apart was exactly what we needed to know that we wanted to spend our lives together. It made our bond much stronger. If you are concerned that things may progress too fast, you are probably right, trust your own instincts. UPT is going to be tough and I think once you go through this process, you will without a doubt know what to do. My husband is going to be deployed when I start UPT and I am kind of glad in a way. He won't have to see me all stressed out and I can have time just for studying.

[Guest kpheinemann]

I was just chosen for UPT (no date yet), and am wondering if my girlfriend is allowed to come to UPT with me. We have been together for 3 years and are currently living together. Since I don't know where I will be yet, is there any way of knowing if I will be on-base or off-base? My girlfriend has a lot of questions, understandably. But I don't have any answers for her and would like to be able to lessen the strain on our relationship. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[HerkDerka]

Since you're single, you will most likely be billeted in the BOQ on base. That's the way it was at Vance. You can try to live off base, but you have to fill out some forms and get permission from the OSS/CC. It doesn't matter if she's your girlfriend or fiancee, if you're not married, the AF will not let you have any type of family housing. Now, with that aside, there have have tons of guys who lived with their girlfriends, etc in the BOQ. However, it is against the rules and the BOQs are too small for one person anyway. Whichever base you go to, all you have to do it talk to the OSS/CC when you arrive. Let him know your situation and there should be no problem for him to allow you to live off base. I don't know how other bases are, but when I was at Vance, guys were allowed to live off base for the most nominal of reasons.

HD