Bringing family/spouse/girlfriend to UPT

[Toro]

It would be a pain, but you could keep going back to the front gate and getting a visitors pass. Officers very rarely get room inspections - I never got one as a single Lt in the dorms - that's mostly for airmen.

We had four Italians in my UPT class and two of them had their girlfriends living with them.

[Guest edwarkl]

I know that there is a waiting list for single officers at Columbus to live off base. My boyfriend was there about 5 months before his name came up. I have a couple of friends there who live off base with their fiances, and don't receive BAH because they have a room at the UOQ. It seems like it would be a financial strain if you can't get BAH. You would have to pay rent out of your paycheck and it doesn't seem like the job market is that great around upt bases. Are you guard or AD? If you are guard I understand that you will probably being moving back to where you came from after upt. If you are AD, and you know you want your girlfriend to be with you, have you considered that it might be time to get married? It sounds like she is willing to put her life on hold to support you through one of the most important years of your life. I can tell you that long distance is possible, but it's really hard. There is definantly a strain on our relationship at times, and I do feel like I'm not a part of something that is so important in his life. We also lived together before he left for UPT, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I have reasons for needing to stay where I am, and he has reasons for wanting to go alone. I think it's great that you guys want to do this together. You can make it work, and just because you have a room on base doesn't mean you have to live there it just means you don't get BAH. Get your name on the waiting list to move off, and it shouldn't take too long.

[Guest EnRoute]

I am unsure whether or not to drag my wife, 8 year old son and newborn off to UPT. I need some advice from people who've been there and done it. Any help would be great. Thanks.

[Guest goldbar03]

I think you're going to get a mixed-bag of advice with this one... From what I witnessed during UPT, having the family there seemed to do more to help (rather than hinder) the guys in my class who had been married for some time. The newlyweds sometimes struggled, but I think it was more of a "welcome to the air force" shock. The married guys tended to hang around with each other; they really supported one another and helped with the kids and made sure the yard got cut when their buds were cross country, etc, etc.

From my perspective, it seems like a good idea to bring them with you... we had wives that could recite boldface and ops limits better than students... not that may do anything for you in the bedroom, but i would image it helps to have someone living with you who will hold you to your studies and help you prepare.

As for the kids, there's always something for them to do on base (or through a base agency) -- especially during breaks from school. And plus, after getting your ego mangled and handed to you alongside your ass most days, it'd probably be nice to come home to a little guy who thought you were the greatest thing since sliced bread.

[BONE Co-driver]

I agree completely with dirty. I had my family with me when I was in UPT and don't regret it at all!! There will be plenty for you family to do during the day on base...my wife and daughter had something going on almost every day with the officer spouse's club. Like dirty said, there is a lot to be said about going home to people who think that you are the best after getting your ass kicked all day.

[Guest PalmettoGuy]

In an average class, how many guys are married?

[Bergman]

Originally posted by PalmettoGuy:

In an average class, how many guys are married?

It seems to vary quite a bit...my class had 5 of 28 that were married, while the class ahead of us had 12 of 24. In my experience, I would say the average appeared to be about 1/3 of each class.

[Guest C-21 Pilot]

We had 11 married with 16 kids in my class...I went through with a 5,2, and newborn, and I like to think it didn't hold me back.

Bottom line, it be a GREAT experience for your family, especially for your son. Bring your family.

There are a few messages concerning study habits with family, schedules, etc. Do a bit of research, and in the long run, I think having your family there will be more beneficial than not.

[163 FS]

Bring your family for the following reasons:

1: Moral support

2: (Not to be sexist) Your wife can do most of the admin stuff with the household (i.e. laundry, dinner, bills, etc.)

3: She can help you study by asking boldface/ops limits, the study questions for academic classes, or any "gouge" you might have

I actually had a baby two weeks into T-38s, but my wife was so good about it I don't think it took too much away from my performance.

Bottom Line: TAKE YOUR FAMILY

[Guest HueyPilot]

Bring the family...I didn't have kids at the time, but I brought my wife. All in all, you'll do better with them right there, instead of missing them or having to fly home to see them. You don't want to create relationship problems that would inevitably result from you being seperated from your family...so bring 'em.

As the others said...I doubt you'll have trouble finding study time...if you can't do it at home, go to a classmate's house. And I'm sure your wife will understand (may not like your schedule...that's another story).

[JS]

Bring the family. There was a guy in my class who came down without his wife and he wound up quitting because he wanted to be near his family (among other reasons). I forget why she couldn't come to UPT with him, but I think there was a reason.

[Guest medik6]

Bring the family. We have a 8 yr old 3 yr old 20 month old and had a baby mid way through tweets. It can be done. I am the wife and I have a great support group of friends, There are like 12 wives in our class. There is something for us to do almost every day and it has been a great experience for me and my family

[Guest Helowife]

Hi! My husband and I are trying to figure out if it is best for my 2 1/2 year old daughter and I to go with him to UPT. He will be starting in October of this year at Vance and then finishing in Altus. We will be getting out of the Marine Corps at the beginning of June and was maybe going to buy a home in Wisconsin, which is where he will be assigned after his training. The initial plan was to buy a home, he would go to Vance by himself, and then we would visit every few months since I am not working. My husband didn't know how tough the training was going to be so we could be a distraction for him. The point of us purchasing a home prior to him going to Vance was because he will be considered full-time status but when he completes his training and reports to Wisconsin, his status will be part-time. Therefore for loan purposes, we need to buy a home this summer.

To make a long story short, I would like the family to be together for those 14 to 15 months but my husband feels that it may not be a good idea financially, as well as his goal to succeed in his training. I figured we could buy a home, rent it out, move to Vance together and live on base. Then after he completes his training, we could move into the house we already have down there.

Could anyone tell me if 1) is it better for the family to go to UPT, 2) how much is rent usually in town for at Vance, 3) how stressful does it really get?

I'm sorry this is so long but our situation is very complicated and not black and white. I want to stay together as a family but am torn of what the best solution would be for all of us. Thanks for any input anyone may have.

[Baseops.Net]

I did not get married until after UPT. However,

I had several classmates of who's families did not accompany them to UPT. All of these guys had a tough time dealing with the separation.

They had a tough time and I am sure wished their families had come with them. I think it would be a bigger distraction if your family was not with you.

I would highly recommend accompanying your husband to UPT - although he will be extremely busy everyday (12-hours at work), your support will be invaluable to him. Additionally, not having to worry about a family a thousand miles away is a positive thing. Although it will be a tough year for all three of you - due to the high demands of your husband during that timeframe - I think the benefits still outweigh the drawbacks.

UPT can certainly be stressful - much of it due to the program and flight training, but some of it is also self-imposed (desire to do well, excel, etc.) Obviously your husband has done other stressful things (since he is a Marine), but the biggest difference in UPT is that so many of the variable are out of your control - i.e the weather, Air Traffic Control, your instructor, etc. And for most, military flying is a completely new experience.

As far as your financial situation, You could delay purchasing your home until he goes off to Altus - at that time he would still be considered full-time status at that time...

[Toro]

Concur with BaseOps, and you also need to consider the distance. It's like 900 miles between Vance and Wisconsin - not exactly a quick trip. It's going to be a 12 hour drive each way, or a half day of travelling by plane. At best you could pray for a lot of four day weekends so you could have just two days to see each other. Leave is given on a case-by-case basis and generally only for emergencies and special occassions. He's not likely to get it more than once or twice (if at all), and not for more than a couple days.

As far as rentals go, I can't answer that, but a thread just popped up in the General Discussion section about Renting in Enid. There's not much there just yet, but you may get some more info in the next couple days.

[Guest SeekYeFirst]

Hi there-

I truly think that unless there is a logical reason for staying behind, you should bring your family with you. UPT will take a lot of your time (just like any job) but you will have plenty of down time to spend with your family. UPT often gets the reputation of being so rigerous that the students NEVER have time for the family. It's actually not bad at all.

I think that it's important to stick together as a family, make new memories, and support each other through every phase of your military career. I know that there are some unique circumstances where families are left behind, but if you aren't in one, then bring 'em along!

[Guest aaron.morris]

How about bringing a girlriend? I'm going to UPT at Whiting in November. I know about the base access problem but since we really wouldn't need to do anything on the Navy base but train it really doesn't seem like a huge problem. I really didn't think that this was going to be a problem since I never planned on taking anyone in the first place, but I really don't want to lose her because of convenence problems. I mean, I've told her that there will be times where I just wouldn't be able to give her attention and I still feel bad because she is totally willing to give up a good job and location to follow me around for the next year and a half. Any advise would be great and thanks.

[Guest Rainman A-10]

I would not bring her. She's your girlfriend not your wife. She won't even have an ID card. Will she have a job? Will she have health insurance? Have her come visit you.

You might want to focus on UPT and minimze the distractions. You only get one chance to go through UPT...think about it.

[Guest Kawen]

Don't take her to UPT. I may "just" be the girlfriend of a UPT guy, but I still don't think it's right. Let her go visit you and when you get the chance to take leave (Christmas, 4th of July, etc)- you go home and see her. I don't know how long you have been dating her, but I'm guessing this would probably be harder in a new relationship where both of you are sort of feeling things out (sts?). I had the advantage of having been in the relationship for nearly 2 years prior to him leaving for UPT and while it was still hard to get used to in the beginning, I managed. If it is a new relationship you both may have a hard time with trust issues, but if she really wants to be with you, it will work itself out. If nothing else, being apart from her will clue you in as to whether or not she REALLY wants to be with you. If she can't make it a year without your 24/7 attention, what would she do if you were married and then you got deployed? It's all good practice IMO. If she's going to be a good AF girlfriend (and maybe eventual wife) she has to realize that the needs of the AF often dictate the life and while she may really want to go with you, it's not in your best interest. If she loves you, she will understand this and if you love her, she has nothing to worry about.

[BFM this]

FWIW:

In my flight at UPT, all of the relationships like yours survived UPT as of graduation. They were either still going strong or progressing toward the engagement phase.

GFs visited occaisionally, and only one finally moved out to Columbus. That was well after the official engagement, she graduated college, and had a job lined up locally.

[Whitman]

Everyone seems to be anti girlfriend to UPT so here's my question. What about a new wife? I guess I can see the same problems but what do yall think?

[Guest Frog1995]

I was a girlfriend when my husband went through UPT and he had 2 other roommates that had girlfriends also. Two of us moved closer to Del Rio. We got jobs in San Antonio and saw them on the weekends and we are both married to them now. I would NOT have wanted to be at UPT. He was so stressed and I would have wanted more attention than he could give, because I would probably not have found a job in Del Rio to keep me busy. The year went by fast and everything went fine. I would recommend something more on those lines than living together or getting married before.