zrooster99 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 I think someone else already said it, but I resent your GF's implication that none of us on AD have what she considers to be "real relationships". I've gotten to see my wife for 2 out of the last 14 months, but our relationship is more "real" than a majority of folks out there. The quality of the relationship has more to do with the people in it than anything else. What's my point? If it's going to work, it'll work whether you go to UPT or not. So, don't use this thing with your girl as an excuse to give up before you even get started. If the AF life is for you, it's part of who you are and if she doesn't like that part of you, then it's only a matter of time. If it's not for you, then good riddance.
Champ Kind Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Most of what I would say has already been addressed, so I'll add two things I'd like to emphasize: -NO (and I mean NO) woman is worth giving up a UPT slot. (And yes, I'm married). -If you are already thinking about SIEing, you've got a long road ahead. You may want to reconsider your career choices, but for the love of God, don't do it over a woman. Reconsider because it is a year-long kick in the balls and a good couple of years after that of trap-shut, ears-open OJT without getting butt-hurt when someone says you suck (and you will). It is, however, the best job in the world, and beats the hell out of "working for a living". ...Oh yeah, we really do need to see pics of this broad to see what all of the hoop-lah is about.
dkc0820 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 ...Oh yeah, we really do need to see pics of this broad to see what all of the hoop-lah is about. This. pics or GTFO!
HercDude Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 BLAH BLAH BLAH What I do know is that I want to marry her and that she is the only one I will ever want to be with? YADDA YADDA YADDA That is supposed to be a statement, but you ended it with a question mark. That says it all. You have no f*cking clue how to run your own life. And you have such a derth of SA that you posted this rambling tripe on a message board full of guys who are living their childhood dreams because they manned the f*ck up and put 100% in to UPT. You have two options that have any chance of working out. If you have to think on this for more than 6.9 seconds, then spare your classmates and military supervisors a lot of pain and headaches by taking options #2. Option #1 - Dump her and put everything you have in to excelling at UPT - this is the greatest job on the planet. Option #2 - SIE and get out of the military as quick as possible so you can marry her and live next door to your mother-in-law.
gmwalk Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Who's dream do you want live? Hers with kids and her mother in NY or yours? You have a winning lottery ticket and you don't want to cash it in?
tac airlifter Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 As soon as you start moving around you'll realize how big the world is, and what a wide variety of hot women reside in it. There is no one woman for everyone. Dump this selfish drama chick and her mom, go have a great life flying planes and meet way hotter and more understanding women. Or continue to be a bitch and save your IPs the trouble of telling you to leave.
Guest Rubber_Side_Down Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 Dude...that post was waaay too Dawson's Creek for this forum. If you are going to be any kind of pilot, you have got to sack up. More to the point--your girl sounds like a head case. I'm not sure she knows what will make her happy. Ever. Did you ever consider that forcing you to give up your only dream is some desperate plea for validation? No amount of sacrifice will ever be enough for women like this. She'll always demand more. I get that her current career is based out of NY and LA, but that doesn't mean that if she leaves it, she will never get another job. Any marriage is about mutual compromise, and she seems unwilling to change anything in her life to accommodate the one that you two could have together. It's not about where you are--it's about who you're with. Nothing about this girl sounds like she's the right person for you. My advice is to draw the line in the sand, and if she bails, fvck her. I'm sure she'll come running back in a few months with a new bag of crazies. You seem like an alright guy with a way too big heart. There are lots of other women out there. Once you zip up that flight suit, they fall over with their legs open. You'll see. DO. NOT. SIE.
usaf36031 Posted October 13, 2009 Posted October 13, 2009 (edited) Don't quit. Any girl who wouldn't want to be married to an incredibly deadly, f*cking radical air force pilot doesn't deserve one anyway... Nut up or shutup...a wise man once said that. Edited October 13, 2009 by usaf36031
Magellan Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 My thoughts are your head is telling you what all the rest of us are already thinking and saying. Dump this chick, run like hell, and never look back. Otherwise you wouldn't have sought our advice and posted here. Your heart on the other hand is telling you she is worth it, you want to spend the rest of your life with her, and you don't know that would be able to live with yourself if you don't give love a chance. Well if you follow your head you may look back and wonder what if, and it will sting a little. But you will be a pilot you will be making decent pay, and you will have tons of career opportunities. Oh and most of the decent women out there that can handle being married to a military member find those things to be positive attributes. And if you follow your heart. You will be divorced within a few years when the "LOVE" fades, and it will be because you weren't realistic. Then in your head will be thinking man I should have dumped that chick, ran like hell, and never looked back. Except now you may have pissed away your career, she has taken off with half your shit, and maybe even your kids if you two ended up having any. Oh and the decent women out there won't find any of that shit attractive. That said it is your decision to make. Think with your head or think with your heart. 1 1
dontshavemyhead Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 Let me break down your life for you. So you both got drunk, you got laid, and decided you were madly in love with the first drunken sorority slut to sleep with you. While you were being a weak-dick male, jerking off to the memory of your night of passion with this girl 9 years earlier, she was out getting jack-hammered by dozens of other dudes, and propbably forgot how to spell your name. Boo hoo. Because being single at OTS or UPT would be so horrible, right? Actually hanging out with other single dudes, having expendable income, and banging new and different sorority sluts each weekend is so awful, right? In other words, AFTER she found out you would be gone, she acted all sad, manipulating you further? This is what women do! It's easy for her to be dramatic and say these things, playing with your emotions, all the while building up her own ego with how much power she has over a man. Way to make her feel like a woman...at the expense of your manhood. She had just broken up with one of her many sexual partners since college, was unemployed, and was looking for a little rebound, and figured it would be fun to hookup with her favorite stalker putz (you). You were so busy having a life (doing your J-O-B) thatyou didn't have time for her. She had to compete for your attention for the first time ever, and was actually turned on enough by you having a life outside of stalking her that she finally ended your 9 year dry streak. Take a lesson here: your "treating her badly" (ignoring her, having a busy life, making her work for your attention and affecction)is what got her horny. Sadly, most men will never understand how this works. You were too stupid to realize it and went back to your pu$$y ways. You got laid. Got it. Spare us the sexual details next time. She realizes what a schmuck you are, but sees that you have a good job, good pay, and are willing to devote yourself to her. Perfect marriage material. Of course she reciprocates what you tell her. Immediately afterward, her brain starts working and all her conditions are revealed. Ironically, she wants you to stop doing the very job that got her attracted to you again, despite your best attempts at being a weak-dick. She's selfish and likes coming first. Who wears the pants? Sounds like she does. In every relationship, there is a leader. It isn't you. If it were, you'd understand this joke: How long does it take for a woman to orgasm? Who cares. Tell her to videotape that shit. Next question. Stop being a pu$$y. Dump this bitch. Go get laid by at least 10 other women. I guarantee you will never look back. Unfortunately, you have been pussified for so many years that this advice doesn't apply to you. You have no options really. You are such a weak-dick that you will never be able to make a man decision or take decisive action, other than what a woman demands of you. You are so pathetic. Seriously, you are one of these dudes that has been with one woman. Let's not kid ourselves. Probably the best thing for you, though I don't condone it (except in extraordinary situations like yourself) is getting a hooker. That might be the only way for you to realize that ALL women have vaginas. The one you lucked into in college, and pursued for 9 years before seeing again, is nothing special. The girl behind the vag is obviously nothing special as she wants you to completely quit your career for her own, and as she has been banging other dudes for years, and as she didn't really give two shits about you except that you kept harassing her for years and she realize you are stable and secure in your pussiness. Ugh. Best advice on this thread: SIE from life. That dude hit the nail square on the noggin. You are hopeless. I would say the only course of action is to give her an ultimatum---tell her to join you on your Air Force adventure, or pack her bags and find some other pu$$y to cave to her every whim. I know that advice will fall on deaf ears, though. You are a special case and beyond help. You are one of those rarest of males: 100% pu$$y. Not one instance in your entire rambling background have you demonstrated masculinity. You were able to get laid ONLY because the Air Force was keeping you so busy, denying her the attention she demanded. In other words, you have taken zero control of your own life and can only get lucky if the stars align and the forces controlling your life all coincidentally fall into place at once. So far this has happened to you twice, once in college and once again 9 years later. Buddy, your life is a tragedy and I'm afraid you just don't have the balls to reverse it. BEST POST EVER
HerkDerka Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 -She said she has really had trouble making friends and doesn't want to live in the middle of nowhere for the rest of her life, never being able to have a career and always coming second. -She wants to have a real relationship and not always have me gone all the time. And she is worried that I won't come back at all. -She is afraid I will miss the birth of my child and be deployed during it, miss their first words, first steps, concerts etc etc. She is afraid I won't be around for anything and that she will be left on her own to fend for herself and raise her kids. -She really only ever wanted to live and NY and so that she could be close to her mother, especially when having kids. This is going to be brash. The answers to your questions are all in the four statements above that you previously wrote. Her life is more important to her than you. She is not willing to compromise her lifestyle to be with you. Your relationship with her is headed for ruin regardless of which road you choose. I recommend you figure out what's important to you (besides the cunt). If it flies, floats, or fucks...it's cheaper to rent than own. With that said.....pics???? HD
skinny Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 When you SIE, do me a favor and give them my name to take your place! I've been trying to go to UPT for quite some time now. Thanks.
Red Fox Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 As sure as death and taxes, if you ask an aviator for an opinion (no matter the topic), you will get one. First, I seriously hope this isn't the only place you looked for advice. If you are a person of faith, talk to a priest, rabbi, pastor, etc., if not, then find someone else who is professionally trained to give objective advice to you and your girlfriend. But since you came to this forum, here is my 2 cents. Do not give up your dream for anyone. The fact you are agonizing over this the way you seem to be, gives me concern you are not ready for the rigors of pilot training. Get your priorities right. First, IMHO, you need to become who and what you want to be, before deciding on who you want to be with. Do it with a singular focus and minimize the distractions (like her). Until you know yourself, you cannot know who you're going to love (infatuation is a different story). Do not let yourself be defined by another person. It doesn't work. If this woman doesn't want you to pursue your dreams, then she truly doesn't love you, she loves herself and is using you to gratify her own needs. You will not be happy trying to make her happy (in the long run, neither will she). Once you have achieved your career dream, then look for a spouse. It is easier to make compromises (and marriage requires many) when you are personally successful. If you believe your personal success hinges on getting married to this woman, then once again, you don't have your priorities right. Also, after graduating UPT, your perspectives probably will change and you may find yourself no longer attracted to her. I probably graduated UPT before some of the people on this board started elementary school. I got married (to the woman I'm still married to) over six years after I finished UPT. Did I marry my first love? No. Do I still think about her? Sometimes, but I have no regrets. Ultimately the decision is yours to make and not her's. Also, your outlook on life, no matter what you decide, rests on you and the type of attitude you choose to have. Will you let things happen to you or will you make things happen? Good luck.
Spoo Posted October 14, 2009 Posted October 14, 2009 (edited) USAFPilot, preach on. Saved me some thought - I was going to post something a lot shorter but with the same sentiment. I still feel inclined to comment though. For those who say I should just find another fish in the sea or dump your gf or whatever, it’s not that simple and I don't think I could get through this without her even if I wanted to. On the first part: Yes, it may be easier said than done, but IT IS THAT SIMPLE. Trust me dude, you're not the first guy who's fallen madly in love with a chick that you couldn't live without. However, generally speaking, you want that chick to feel the same about you. A relationship in which the level of give-a-fuck is disproportionate (i.e. yours) is doomed. If she really cared about you, she wouldn't be giving you every reason a life with her is incompatible with your dream. "She wants to have a real relationship and not always have me gone all the time." Shit, apparently my wife and I don't have a real relationship. Seriously? C'mon bro, you're better than that. Second part: Bullshit. If you don't think you can get through it without some broad you've been dating really only a couple months, you don't want it bad enough. Besides, it may be a tough year, but it's not that bad. The more I think about it, the last thing you'll want/need is her whining about how Pensacola sucks, how much she misses NY, how she doesn't think she can do this, etc. BTW, I had a ten year off-and-on relationship with someone I thought was the end-all, be-all...manipulative bitch. A lot of what you write sounds familiar. It almost affected my career, but I eventually manned up; my only regret being that I didn't end it sooner. (I didn't marry her, thank God). PM me if you want, just use paragraphs and proper grammar. SIE IS NOT AN OPTION. As sure as death and taxes, if you ask an aviator for an opinion... Great post with sage advice. Edited October 14, 2009 by Spoo
Stitch Posted October 15, 2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Let’s see, UPT vs. some fickle clam that can’t truly decided if she wants you or not. What’s your goal in life? Do you want to be some sort of househusband while she brings home the bacon? Or be part of something larger than yourself? Be a househusband or travel to exotic far away lands, sample the local culture, meet interesting people while getting paid to do it. Then there’s option “B”: While she’s away on “business” banging the office college intern like a red headed whore on nickel night you’re picking the kids up after school and taking them to soccer practice in the minivan you’ll look up and see a jet in the sky; civilian or military, it doesn’t matter, you’ll feel some form of regret because you gave up the chance of flying for the miserable life you chose. I guess Alan Alda and Phil Donahue would be proud that you’ve been so completely pussified. Don’t be a stupid fvcking douche bag, dump the cougar-in-waiting and go to UPT, even if you wash out you will have given it your best shot and you’ll know for sure and you won’t spend the rest of your days wondering “if only…” I’m a retired SNCO and if by some random act of stupidity and a few hundred waivers they called and offered me a shot at OTS and UPT I’d be back in uniform in a second in spite of reflecto belts, rank-on-PT gear with man purses and all the assorted other bullcrap queep. GO TO UPT!
Guest Hueypilot812 Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 I'll give you my two cents, because I've BTDT. This post isn't just directed at the OP, but any other young SNAPs who might consider avoiding their dreams to placate a woman. I'll get right to the chase...I've been married twice. Luckily for me, I did NOT give up my dream career to make a woman happy, but I did make the mistake of marrying the bitches anyways. First wife was a lot like your woman...claimed she couldn't make friends easy, her career would go down the drain, and she always wanted to stay near home. She also told me she didn't want to raise kids on her own, nor have a father who was always absent. I did what I could to make her happy, even passed up a gig flying C-21s at Peterson and went to Maxwell instead (yes, I was THAT stupid). In the end, it didn't work. And looking back, my dad was in the Army, and he was gone way more than I ever was. I turned out (fairly) normal, and now she's raising my kids 6 hours away from me. Yes, I'm glad that worked out (sarcasm)...I should have never married her in the first place. She put the desires of her mother ahead of her own life, and tried to manipulate me to get what she wanted. My second wife was similar, although she covered herself with this story of wanting to move around and see the world...except she really didn't want to move around and see the world. Instead there were always excuses and her mother always interfering trying to make her feel guilty if she even hinted of leaving Arkansas. In the end, that didn't work either, because with both of my ex's, it was all about them, and they were both hoping I'd change who I was to fit their needs. That's not a marriage, and it's not love. If your woman won't accept you for who you are and what you want, stay away. In fact, get up and sprint away. You don't deserve the world of sh!t you're about to enter if you marry someone like that, unless you actually make the mistake and do it. Wants to stay by mom, especially with kids? I thought she had a career? She can navigate Manhattan, but can't take care of a human child on her own? WTF? I call bullsh!t on that one. Her mom is probably as manipulative as she is, and making her feel guilt if she considers moving away. Can't find a career anywhere but NY and LA? Again, bullsh!t. She has a degree and has experience doing something that requires smarts, I assume. She can find a job just about anywhere, except perhaps the smallest of towns. It might not be a fast-lane marketing job in a power market, but I'm sure she can find something interesting and satisfying. In fact, she might actually enjoy doing something outside of the box if she actually gave it a try. Sports marketing? You know how many small-town minor league teams would LOVE to have a big-city marketing chief? The bottom line, there's plenty a spouse can do if they just look for it. Raising kids on her own? What the hell? So it's better if you take some management job where you work 60 hours a week and barely have time to see your family, and get worn down because you're not really happy, than to have 30 days of paid vacation each year and happy because you're doing what you want to do? And it's not THAT bad. Yes, you will probably miss some birthdays and holidays, but chances are, if she's pregnant, the USAF will do their level best to make sure you're home. Life goes on, people manage to have really happy families and serve in the military. Bottom line...if you meet someone and they start asking you to change things about you, run. I don't mean small trivial crap like the clothes you wear, but I mean big things. If they want you to make career choices to placate their needs, pass. Please, pass. Think about the double standard. They want you to bend over backward so THEY can have THEIR dream life. But they aren't willing to give. That's a red flag, move on. Trust me, you'll be better off. You won't be like me, 36 and a Major that's still paying off debt from two divorces, and having realized that well over a decade of my life has been spent supporting and giving in to a woman's needs. You're 29, for God's sake. Enjoy your life. Find a woman that's willing to enjoy it with you. And if you can't find that woman, then screw the hell out of the other women and have fun. You'll be happier, and you'll have that career YOU worked really hard for. Remember, YOU worked hard to get where you are. Don't throw it away so she can have what she wants, and you wind up with...her. And chances are, you'll be 10 years into the marriage and realize just how used you were. Maybe I'm cynical, but again, I've been there. I've got a lot of things going for me now, and I will NEVER make those mistakes again. You only live once.
itsokimapilot Posted October 16, 2009 Posted October 16, 2009 (edited) So Duke, haven't seen any replies recently. What's your plan? Are you gonna crap or are you gonna get off the pot? Dude, listen to these guys, you don't want to wonder what could have been. Go to UPT. No woman is worth giving up your dreams. She shouldn't expect that of you. She wouldn't expect that of you if she really loved you. Edited October 16, 2009 by itsokimapilot
M2 Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Agreed, this guy has set sail. Either he SIE'd and never wants to hear what a mistake he made; or he got drunk and found some other tail, and now knows the error of his ways! I came damn close to marrying a girl that I was dating in college and we would have had a similar situation. She had a career and there would have been constant conflict between it and mine. It ended up being what broke us up; yeah, it sucked but that's just how things go. I later met someone else, and we've been married almost 15 years with two great sons. The bottom line is there will always be other opportunities but as the old beer commercial used to say, you only go around once in life... Cheers! M2
Guest Luckyzgal Posted October 17, 2009 Posted October 17, 2009 Ok, this is my first time posting here, but I felt like I should say something to the person debating whether or not to SIE for a woman. I am a spouse, not an active duty member. That being said, I must agree with all of the guys on here. I met my husband in college and had many of my own career plans. However, I love my husband and would never have asked him to give up his dream of flying fighters. We have been married almost 13 years and I have absolutely no regrets about supporting his dream. Yes, he has been gone a lot. He has missed a lot of holidays, birthdays, and I've even had emergency surgery and not been able to contact him. He loves what he does, it is more than a job and I am incredibly proud of him. If he had given that up, which I never would have dreamed of asking him to, he never would have been happy and neither would we. We ran into his kindergarten teacher a couple of years ago and she told us that she remembered him saying in kindergarten that he wanted to fly fighters when he grew up and how proud she was that he accomplished that. Anyone who really loves someone could never ask them to give up a dream like that. Cheers!
capt4fans Posted October 18, 2009 Posted October 18, 2009 Well she spent a lot of the summer down here coming for a week or so and then flying back up to New York. Sorry...I just read through this thread and had to point out that portion.......So, you spent an entire week in bed with her at a time? Or did you loan her out to your buddies so she could come the entire week??? LMAO
itsokimapilot Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 I bet I can guess who the catcher is and who the pitcher is in this relationship. The good news is there will be one less empty kitchen.
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now