Marriage/wedding - Best time to Marry?

[HoHum]

Get it done during ASBC/Casual. You ain't gonna have time otherwise, because once you get started in the UPT/FTU pipeline, you don't know when you're going to be able to take leave. I'm trying to coordinate getting done with FTU, moving myself, buying a house, selling her house, getting married, and getting her moved. And there isn't any "good time" to get married when you're going to be doing 120/120 deployments.

"2" on the elopement. There is no such thing as a simple wedding. True love is like crack to people such as parents and grandparents, and they wanna do their best to savor it.

[D-ron]

Attaching another marriage question on this thread, hope its an appropriate location... Background: I was just selected on the 08ot01 OTS board for pilot. My fiance and I want to get married before OTS. However, we need a few months to plan it and everything else, so she wants to get married in June. Beings how I was just selected do you think planning for June might be cutting it close. I don't want to have the marriage all planned and things paid for and then get a class date before the wedding. Also, do you think it would be wise to get legally married before I start doing all sorts of paperwork (for security clearance, etc) so that I don't have to redo a bunch of stuff later. Any advice you guys/gals can offer will be much appreciated!

Thanks,

Darin

[Toro]

My fiance and I want to get married before OTS. However, we need a few months to plan it and everything else, so she wants to get married in June. Beings how I was just selected do you think planning for June might be cutting it close. I don't want to have the marriage all planned and things paid for and then get a class date before the wedding.

How much time is there between your planned wedding and OTS start date? When is the next earliest OTS class start date? I know that occassionally UPT dates get moved up, but I don't know how often that happens in OTS. I know that if it happens for UPT and you're unable to flex due to previous committment, there's bound to be somebody willing to take your place.

Also, do you think it would be wise to get legally married before I start doing all sorts of paperwork (for security clearance, etc) so that I don't have to redo a bunch of stuff later.

You're gonna be updating that crap your entire career, don't let that factor into your equation.

[pawnman]

Attaching another marriage question on this thread, hope its an appropriate location... Background: I was just selected on the 08ot01 OTS board for pilot. My fiance and I want to get married before OTS. However, we need a few months to plan it and everything else, so she wants to get married in June. Beings how I was just selected do you think planning for June might be cutting it close. I don't want to have the marriage all planned and things paid for and then get a class date before the wedding. Also, do you think it would be wise to get legally married before I start doing all sorts of paperwork (for security clearance, etc) so that I don't have to redo a bunch of stuff later. Any advice you guys/gals can offer will be much appreciated!

Thanks,

Darin

If you were just selected, you PROBABLY have time. Call your recruiter and see what he has to say.

One good thing about getting married prior...you can collect BAH for your current address while at OTS. And you get FSA as well.

[Finance_Guy]

If you were just selected, you PROBABLY have time. Call your recruiter and see what he has to say.

One good thing about getting married prior...you can collect BAH for your current address while at OTS. And you get FSA as well.

Good point on the BAH and FSA ($250/month) Pawnman. Exta dough you wouldn't have going single--could help pay for a nice ring or start off good investing in TSP.

Another benefit is the Tricare, Dental and SGLI coverage the spouse might use while you are in OTS and training. If you plan to get married anyway, doing so before Active Duty will allow you to name your new spouse as the beneficiary. Not that anything will happen, but you just never know. You can also get the family life insurance for cheap too.

Just some input on the financial aspects.

[john]

ok and heres another question after just having my sister married off yesterday and really starting to plan my wedding. i will be at shaw and she lives in charlotte, but when we get married i hope to go ahead a pcs to pcola all at the same time. you are allowed a 60 day widow to move early to pcola with a cc's approval. but im thinking it i will need to be legally married before hand to get the extra money for the pcs? and while im at it i may as well do the legal marriage thing a few months to take down so extra bah/bas and she wont have to pay for a couple months of med insurance. everyone wins right? does anyone have experience with any of this? thanks, john.

dang, just looked it up. i will only be pocketing an extra 80 a month for bah at shaw.

Edited January 7, 2008 by john

[Finance_Guy]

ok and heres another question after just having my sister married off yesterday and really starting to plan my wedding. i will be at shaw and she lives in charlotte, but when we get married i hope to go ahead a pcs to pcola all at the same time. you are allowed a 60 day widow to move early to pcola with a cc's approval. but im thinking it i will need to be legally married before hand to get the extra money for the pcs? and while im at it i may as well do the legal marriage thing a few months to take down so extra bah/bas and she wont have to pay for a couple months of med insurance. everyone wins right? does anyone have experience with any of this? thanks, john.

dang, just looked it up. i will only be pocketing an extra 80 a month for bah at shaw.

You would need to be married prior to the effective date of your PCS orders to receive travel entitlements for your spouse. BAH is paid for you perm. duty station and not always where your spouse lives.

[Whitman]

ok and heres another question after just having my sister married off yesterday and really starting to plan my wedding. i will be at shaw and she lives in charlotte, but when we get married i hope to go ahead a pcs to pcola all at the same time. you are allowed a 60 day widow to move early to pcola with a cc's approval. but im thinking it i will need to be legally married before hand to get the extra money for the pcs? and while im at it i may as well do the legal marriage thing a few months to take down so extra bah/bas and she wont have to pay for a couple months of med insurance. everyone wins right? does anyone have experience with any of this? thanks, john.

dang, just looked it up. i will only be pocketing an extra 80 a month for bah at shaw.

Another thing to consider is, on first assignment, only married personnel are authorized DLA. That's relatively new. So if you get married before EAD, that's an extra 1800 bucks.

[BADFNZ]

I figured I'd bring this to the top instead of starting a new thread.

My UPT start date just got moved from 29 October to 9 September. My original start date was 19 March so this is the second time it's been moved up, which is awesome. The only problem is me and my wife are having our formal wedding ceremony the weekend before Thanksgiving. It wasn't a big deal when my start date was 29 Oct because I'd only be in week 3 of Phase 1, but now I'll be in week 4 or so of Phase 2.

I can turn down the earlier class date if I want, but I want to make sure it'll be the right decision. Will I be that much more stressed/busy a month into Phase 2 as opposed to a month into Phase 1? The wedding will be in San Antonio so the travel from Del Rio won't be an issue. I'm just mainly concerned about the amount of stress having a wedding in the middle of phase 2 will create. My wife has been awesome up until this point in the planning process and she will do her best to minimize my involvement throughout, but I'm sure something will creep up and bite me in the ass.

[Riddller]

Week 4 of Phase II = not a good time to get married.

Phase I = ok

Last month or two of Phase II = better than week 4.

The first month and a half of Phase II is the busiest most stressful time in UPT. Guaranteed 12 hour days plus 1-3 hours of studying every night. The workload steadily goes down from there (mostly because you've studied all the stuff you need to know so many times that you can finally remember most of it).

If you really want to get married at that time, don't accept the class push-up. If it's ok to wait, push it off to the last month of Phase II.

I've got 2 weeks left of Phase II, and we have a guy in my class getting married this weekend. No biggie.

[Techsan]

I would go with whatever class dates helps your chances of graduating (getting hitched during Phase I). Not that you won't be able to juggle a wedding and phase II, it might just cause added stress.

Good luck with both!

[brabus]

Agree w/ Riddler and Techsan. Don't take the earliest class and get married during Phase II. 4 weeks in, you're going to be very tired, stressed and in no mood for a wedding and even the slightest amount of work for it. Do both of you a favor and get married during Phase I.

[Guest KM]

Here's the wife perspective...don't take the earlier class date. My husband wasn't always a lot of fun during UPT when he had stressful rides coming up. If you have the chance to get the wedding out of the way during slackademics, do it. Weddings are stressful no matter how carefully they are planned; don't make it harder on yourself and your bride.

Besides, you don't want to get to drop night and wonder if the crappy flight you had because you were tired after the wedding caused you to get a UAV or miss out on the one AD 38.

[MechGov]

I'm at the beginning of Phase II at VN and just proposed over the break. Graduation is around mid Nov, unless I go to Corpus, I guess (trying for T-44s). Is it a feasible (or good) idea to have an October wedding (Columbus weekend?) with a month left of Phase III or did I get myself into a big mess?

Please excuse my naivety.

[Toro]

I'm at the beginning of Phase II at VN and just proposed over the break. Graduation is around mid Nov, unless I go to Corpus, I guess (trying for T-44s). Is it a feasible (or good) idea to have an October wedding (Columbus weekend?) with a month left of Phase III or did I get myself into a big mess?

It really depends on how much you think you can handle.

First off, I would not recommend getting married at a place other than your Phase III location - trying to coordinate at a different location is difficult enough - coordinating to get out of town in time would be a nightmare. Columbus Day weekend is a good idea since it is a three day weekend and will allow you time to decompress (with your new bride of course) before getting back into flying. You may be able to get the previous Friday or the following Tuesday off, but you cannot count on it.

As you will soon learn, you're not going to have a whole lot of free time during Phase II or III. Since you probably don't want to do to much planning before you track select, a lot of this is going to start around the time you start flying in Phase III. You'll have to do much of your planning on the weekend and as the time gets closer, your fiance will probably have to do a lot of the coordination since you'll be tied down with your flying schedule.

As long as you accept that the honeymoon will be delayed, keep the wedding near your location, and do well with your time management, you'll be fine.

[Guest soflguy]

Do any of yall have any experience with getting married immediately after B course? I just got engaged and am trying to plan a wedding about a week after graduation. Obviously I don't know where I'll be going yet, but more than likely not staying at Seymour is what we're told to expect. That being said, do they usually move you ASAP, or will they be flexible to allow for a wedding and honeymoon? And that being said, would it be better to do leave enroute to my new duty station (assuming I move) or go on leave and then move?

[MechGov]

I talked to the chaplain and he recommended what the forum did: do it after UPT. Does anyone know how long a dude waits around after UPT until he/she moves to another assignment?

[Toro]

Do any of yall have any experience with getting married immediately after B course? I just got engaged and am trying to plan a wedding about a week after graduation.

I got married prior to the B-course, but I was a Flt/CC at SJAFB. I would strongly recommend against getting married immediately after the B course unless you know where you're going (which you're not going to know until about a month prior to graduation). Some guys stick around for a while until the gaining squadrons are ready to take them (they sometimes wait because you have a 90-day MQ clock that starts when you arrive), but others leave immediately. One class had the Lakenheath guys leave one week after graduation.

Obviously I don't know where I'll be going yet, but more than likely not staying at Seymour is what we're told to expect.

Get it in writing or it's worthless.

That being said, do they usually move you ASAP, or will they be flexible to allow for a wedding and honeymoon?

If you stay CONUS they're generally flexible with that kind of stuff. Your problem is going to be OCONUS with your RNLTD and port call dates, which are more difficult to change.

And that being said, would it be better to do leave enroute to my new duty station (assuming I move) or go on leave and then move?

Better how? It really doesn't make a difference to anybody but you.

[Guest soflguy]

I got married prior to the B-course, but I was a Flt/CC at SJAFB. I would strongly recommend against getting married immediately after the B course unless you know where you're going (which you're not going to know until about a month prior to graduation). Some guys stick around for a while until the gaining squadrons are ready to take them (they sometimes wait because you have a 90-day MQ clock that starts when you arrive), but others leave immediately. One class had the Lakenheath guys leave one week after graduation.

Alright sweet. I guess I'll ask around a little more, but I was told (again nothing in writing so who knows) that we should have the time to take care of that based on the projected AEF cycles and when we would probable leave and all that fodder I don't understand. My Flt/CC called someone either at the squadron I'm going to or somewhere else on base and they said we should be good to go based on their projections.

If you stay CONUS they're generally flexible with that kind of stuff. Your problem is going to be OCONUS with your RNLTD and port call dates, which are more difficult to change.

Awesome info to know. Is that something I can begin working immediately after finding out (if I got OCONUS) but before getting my orders so I can nix the problem before it shows up in writing and is then even tougher to change?

Better how? It really doesn't make a difference to anybody but you.

Mainly just as far as the ass pain is concerned with moving around and taking a lot of leave/geting married in or around the time of moving. Just looking for some opinions from some people who have been in a similar situation.

Also, as far as assignments go, I've heard there are quite a few physiology opportunities over in England as compared to SJ and MO. Do you know anything about the exchange tours over there or know a crewmember who has gone over there with a physiologist spouse and how it has worked out? Thanks.

[Toro]

Awesome info to know. Is that something I can begin working immediately after finding out (if I got OCONUS) but before getting my orders so I can nix the problem before it shows up in writing and is then even tougher to change?

Possibly. Orders are harder than the port call date. AFPC and your gaining unit decide your RNLTD, but you decide your port call date based off your RNLTD. If you have a valid reason (I think you do) and your Flt/CC can get the Sq/CC to talk to the Sq/CC of the gaining unit, you should be able to massage the RNLTD.

Mainly just as far as the ass pain is concerned with moving around and taking a lot of leave/geting married in or around the time of moving.

There's really no difference. If you take leave before you PCS, then you report back in to your current unit (SJ) and log it through leaveweb. If you PCS out, take a bunch of leave and show up at your new unit, they will subtract your actual travel days from allotted travel days and if you're in the negative you'll be charged leave.

Can't help you on the physiologist portion.

[busdriver]

Not married myself, but here's another option: Do the justice of the peace thing, then move to where you need to go, bring the new spouse. Once you get settled, plan the grand ceremony and do it right. It gives you the advantage of staying together and getting your new family on uncle sugar's books while giving you time to plan.

[Frank88]

Hey all,

Just got engaged and had a few questions. We are thinking about ideally getting married after UPT (like June '10). I know it was previously said that the timeline varies between grad and SERE and RTU and all that based on aircraft. If i am planning on going say heavies, what kind of "free" time would I be looking at following UPT to get married? We would like to do an out of town wedding. How far in advance do you find out when you are heading to SERE/RTU/etc.. and would they even consider working around a set wedding date for all that follow on training? (I am assuming not). Do you have much free time between phases II and III to possibly do it then? Thanks for the help

[The Kayla]

Hey all,

Just got engaged and had a few questions. We are thinking about ideally getting married after UPT (like June '10). I know it was previously said that the timeline varies between grad and SERE and RTU and all that based on aircraft. If i am planning on going say heavies, what kind of "free" time would I be looking at following UPT to get married? We would like to do an out of town wedding. How far in advance do you find out when you are heading to SERE/RTU/etc.. and would they even consider working around a set wedding date for all that follow on training? (I am assuming not). Do you have much free time between phases II and III to possibly do it then? Thanks for the help

Honestly, you can speed off to SERE and RTU right after graduation, or you can be waiting around a couple of months before going anywhere. Only time will tell.

I had friends that waited a month before leaving for SERE.

I had another friend that graduated in July and left for SERE in October.

My husband left 6 days after graduation for SERE.

I get the phases mixed up, but I would not plan on any time off between phase II and phase III. That year will be vacationless, unless you decide to get married over the holiday break.

Edited April 8, 2009 by The Kayla

[Guest kate19]

How far in advance do you find out when you are heading to SERE/RTU/etc.. and would they even consider working around a set wedding date for all that follow on training? (I am assuming not). Do you have much free time between phases II and III to possibly do it then? Thanks for the help

After you get your assignment, you will be asked if there are any dates that you would like to have for leave, and they try to work with you, but there's no guarantee that you'll get the dates you want. My husband was in a wedding a month after graduation, and his SERE/water/RTU dates didn't conflict. You usually find out your SERE/RTU dates the week of graduation. If you want to be sure that you won't have to change your wedding date, do it before pilot training, at Christmas, or wait until after RTU.

[Guest SEP]

My fiance and I are considering doing the legal (courthouse) marriage about 1 year before our big wedding ceremony - does anyone know if the Catholic church will still marry you if you have a courthouse marriage? I heard they will because they don't recognize the other one and I also heard they won't marry you.

Anyone have a similar experience or know someone who did?