Pregnant/Babies while at UPT?

[Guest DW]

Is there any feedback on getting pregnant and haveing a baby while your husband is in training? We'll be ready to have number 2, but don't know if would be too overwhelming. We're going to be in Del Rio starting the beginning of August coming from Germany. We can't wait to get "home".

[Guest IAGuardWife]

DW,

It would depend a lot on your family dynamic. Personally, for us, it would have been the worst thing possible. (we don't have any children at all, so it would have been a huge change!) I don't think it would be nearly as tough if you already have a child or children.

My biggest concern would be that your husband would have little to no time to spend with the baby. I actually went out of town for 3 weeks while my husband was taking his Nav check ride in the T-1 (the biggest/toughest check ride in the heavy side of the program). He didn't even have time to talk to me on the phone for 10 minutes at night during that time. I would hate to have a new baby then if I could put it off a few more months.

Depending on where your husband is in the program, the folks in Del Rio typically give a student 3 days off for the birth of a child.

TankerWife is due any day with their second child and her husband is in T-1s right now. Get some input from her or PAB (her husband). In fact, I think he's about to take his Nav check any day now. (good luck, by the way!)

[Guest jefiner5678]

DW,

My husband was just about to start T-38's when our daughter was born. He was given 3 days off and when he returned, had to make up for the time he had missed-that made a couple of really busy weeks for him.

12 hour days are long and tiring with a brand new baby and a very, very busy and distracted husband. He comes home tired and frustrated and is faced with a small amount of baby care-mainly to give me a few minutes to myself. I try not to ask him for help during the week which includes nighttime feedings-he gets up with her on the weekends.

I has been hard but it hasn't been hard enough for me to have wished we'd waited until after UPT. He's almost done with UPT now and we've got #2 on the way so we'll both be busy pretty soon.

I hope I've helped by sharing my opinion on the subject.

[Guest AFMama]

I don't know about having a baby while at UPT, but we already have a baby (3mo now) that will be going with us. We also have a 2yr old and a 1yr old (we finally figured out where babies come from!)

I think anything is possible. You will just need to realize that he will be busy. Women have babies while men are on deployments, but it's a little different when at UPT. They will be there, but be 'unavailable'. That is my biggest concern! My husband is at OTS now and will be at UPT sometime this summer. We don't know where we're going yet though.

First babies change EVERYTHING. 2nd, 3rd, no biggie. You will just need to make sure that your husband spends more time with his studoes than he does the new baby! And I know that's rough to say, but it's what will need to be done! My husband is VERY attached to our kids. He's having a hard time at OTS because he misses them so much. I just hope when he goes to UPT he'll be able to stay focussed on his flying and studes and not us!

Kelly

[Scooter14]

Ditto on the housing. We came to Vance early and they told us 3 months. We found an off-base place, I moved in on a Tuesday, and on that Friday housing called to tell us a house was available.

The only thing that's been a little rough on the baby side, especially in T-1's is the fact that a lot of the sorties ae out and back, which means you land somehwere else, get gas and then fly home. Any time a plane is shut down, it runs the risk of not starting back up properly. Last week, we got stuck in Omaha, but luckily there was antoher T-1 coming back from somewhere else with three seats on board, and we were "rescued". The wife is due on Saturday, so I was cutting it a little close there, and it's kind of stressful up until you're wheels up.

The schedulers here have been really good, though. They always ask for my inputs and they were really good about front-loading the work so I could get through my nav check (which went really well, IAGuardWife ;) ) and then be able to throttle back a little bit, do a sim here and there on OB appointment days, etc.

BTW, TankerWife is due on the 24th, so any day now...

[Guest Carmen McPherson]

I know there have already been several posts about babies during UPT but I have a few more thoughts. It seems that most people feel having a newborn during UPT can be a bit overwhelming, but what about the fact that you know your husband will be around. I am thinking that if we had a child when he was on casual status before UPT then he would be able to help me out during the pregnancy before he starts UPT. Although if I got pregnant when he started UPT then we would not have the added stress of a newborn during his training. Maybe I am just baby crazy. We have been together for 8 years and I am ready to start a family. Maybe someone can settle my thoughts about this. Any comments would be greatly appreciated.

[Guest Vistar1]

Carm Mac-

I am in the same boat with you as far as being "baby-ready", me and my husband have been together almost 11 years and married for 5. He started UPT about 5 months ago and had he not gotten the pilot slot, we probably would've started a family. Now I can't speak for any spouses with kids because I don't have any. What I do know is that UPT is probably the most important thing your husband needs to get through in his career. You only get one chance at it and how he does here can affect the rest of his and your life. We agreed that we were going to wait until after UPT to start a family so we knew where we were going to be moving to and what kind of timeframe to expect so we could plan a little better.

You're right in the sense that at least if he's in pilot training, he'll be "home" and not deployed. But he also will have A LOT on his plate and needs the opportunity to focus on his career. I'd rather have my husband available to go to Dr's appointments during the pregnancy and be able to take a day off if he needs to when the baby comes without the fear of having to wash back a class and delay graduation. I guess the way I have rationalized it and quieted that little voice inside is that we've waited this long...one more year (especially a year as important as this one is) isn't going to hurt anybody.

Now on the flip side, almost every spouse in our class is either pregnant or just had babies so I am certainly in the minority here. Many people do see UPT as an opportunity to start a family and not have to worry about their husband getting deployed in the next week. ANd if that's you're only concern...then get to it girl! But I just want my husband's full attention to be on finishing UPT (and doing well) now. Then when I am pregnant...his full attention can be on me and the baby. I just think it's a lot to handle at the same time. But it just depends on how disciplined your husband is. Can he come home and balance family vs. study time? Will he be able to(and will YOU be able to let him) lock himself in his office or flight room a few hours on the weekend so he can prepare for the upcoming week? Are you willing to be the one to get up every night each time the baby wakes up because he has an early show the next morning and needs his sleep? Are you willing to go to Dr's appointments by yourself because he can't get out of class/flying? Just some questions to ask yourself and your husband.

Again, I don't have kids, but these are the things I have talked to others about and how we came to the decision that it was best for us to wait. Good luck in whatever you decide...

V.

[Guest Youngnita]

First of all I commend you all for your staunch support of your husbands' dreams. I can't necessarily speak on the rigors of UPT (I am a nav) but I am sure it is a lot to handle. I can however speak about being pregnant and having support.

Though pregancy is a time when you will need your husband's support, having your little tyke will require much more time and energy from the both of you. So I guess I would lean towards having your baby after upt/pregnant during upt. Whatever your decision I am sure you will make the right one for you. God bless!

[Scooter14]

I think I just might qualify to talk about this...

Tankerwife and I have two kids, one was born 3 weeks after I got back from an Allied Force deployment as a nav and 180 days of TDY, and the other came 5 days after my T-1 navigation check.

Neither one were what you would call "planned" :eek:

Let me start by saying there is no good time to have a baby. If you try to plan for the perfect time, you will have no kids forever. There is no perfect time.

That being said, both kids have been the best thing to happen to us. TWife got pregnant during a period of very high opstempo for the RC crews. I had barely 30 days off between 30-45 day trips. T.Wife endured a lot of me being gone during the pregnancy. We did live in base housing, where there was a great deal of support there and from the squadron. I did miss a lot of appointments. After he was born, I went to Instructor upgrade, and that kept me home for about the first 5 months, although I couldn't really help too much with the feeding part ;)

I was on the road alot his first 18 months, but it slowed down a bit after that.

Our little UPT baby was actually conceived during Tweets. We were going to wait till we got back to the ANG unit to at least have the next baby, but things happen .

IMHO, Timing wise, if you are going to have a baby at UPT (which I would not recommend), try to time it so the birth is late in the program. The early part of Tweets/T-1's/38's has pretty early showtimes and pretty rigorous schedules with Formal Release, etc. The last thing I would think anyone with a 0500 showtime would need is a kid who is up at midnight, 0130 and 0300. Later on in Phase III yo have a little more leeway. The student will get time off, but don't expect the 2 weeks of leave you would get in a normal squadron if he wants to finish with his class. I got 5 days, and thank goodness the delivery went smooth, or I'd still be down there.

Also, consider having to move 6 months into UPT from Moody to Laughlin or from Vance-Corpus, then on to Little rock to Elmendorf, all in about a 16 month timeframe. That kind of movement is possible. If your fate is pre-determined (ANG/AFRC/too tall to fly a fighter, etc.) and you know you'll be in one place, that's one thing. I just moved from Oklahoma to New England with a 5 yr old and a 7 month old. What a pain in the ass, and we only moved once.

As for bringing a family to UPT, it's a bigger challenge, but as long as everyone knows what they are up against, it will all work out. It's only a year. I think the older the little one is, the better, but that's just from my experience.

My favorite part of T-1's was coming home after a 12 hour day, grabbing a cold beer and going out into the back yard to play catch with my son and teach him how to hit a baseball. I would do that for about an hour, then come in with a clear head and get my stuff together for the next day and study for a bit.

Oh, and your four year old will have quite a colorful vocabulary by the end of UPT. :D

[ 15. December 2004, 19:16: Message edited by: PAB ]

[Guest AFMama]

I can only add to having a baby at UPT (from the beginning). I have a 11 month old, 2 yr old, and almost three year old. They all require time, but luckily not so much as from when they were newborns. I would have to agree with a previous post - having your husband active in the pregnancy is something you both will have to weigh. Since we had our kids before UPT, he was able to go to every doctor's appt, ultrasound, stay home for a week after the birth, and really be involved (as in not only thinking of the baby when he was with me). I'm a pretty independent person, but I can't imagine not having him there when I hear "it's a boy/girl" at the ultrasounds. Everyone is different, but a baby, especially your first, will change you. Let's say you are at home, 6 months pregnant, hormones raging. Baby starts kicking. You jump up and run to your hubby to "feel it". He's in the middle of chairflying for his midphase and doesn't want to be bothered. I wouldn't want to be in that room ;)

Also, a newborn needs a LOT of care. It will most definitely overwelm you if you have to do it all on your own. And you cannot count on your husband to be there during UPT. Mandatory 12 hour days, study time, class time. I think of this as a deployment - he's gone until he makes his appearance (Saturday mornings). I can help him study a few times a week since my kids are all in bed by the time he gets home. However, with a newborn, you can never predict their schedules.

As much as I love being a mom, and I know the desire to be one, I think the best interest of your husband is to wait to get pregnant until closer to the end of UPT. Not nessesarily wait to start trying, but don't be in a miserable 3rd trimester when he has 2-3 sorties per day. If you wait, he'll have more time to spend with you and be involved with the pregnancy, and the baby when he/she gets here.

That's just my advice. Talk to your hubby. Be on the same page with him and you should be fine.

[Guest medik6]

Carm Mac

Speaking from experience (a mommy of 4) There is never a "right" time to have a baby. It all depends on how well you and your husband work together as a team and how understanding you are of his needed study time especially in the beginning. When we got to UPT we had three children ages 7,3 and 13 months and I was pregnant with another (now 11 weeks) We had her half way through tweets. So it is doable to have a baby at UPT. My husband studies every night (all my children besides the newborn go to bed at 7) And he studies on Sundays. But from the time he gets home Friday night and all day saurday is ours. He doesn't even look at a study guide. And it has worked for us. My husband has been in the military 10 years and we have been married for 6. And I know people say UPT is hard on families, and that this year needs to be all about them and studying(which it should be) THe time here at UPT is the best my marriage has ever been because we have really learned to be understanding and work together as a team. If you want a baby I say go for it if he wants one too. If I can do it with four, anybody can do it with one. That is just my two cents.

[Guest nurselorber]

For us, pregnancy during UPT has been a really positive experience. Ours, too, was a "woops" prenancy during Tweets. But compared with civillian life, we've had a good experience. True, hubby won't be able to come to EVERY O.B. appointment, but the AF is really good about "Family Values". Mine has gotten to come along for some of my prenatal appts. Compare that to a 9-5 civillian gig...no way.

Plus, the insurance coverage is awesome. You pay nothing!

And, usually the income from the AF is enough to get you by, so I haven't had to work full time during this pregnancy. Nor have I had to worry about paying for benefits!

I, personally, feel like I've been treated like a queen during his time in Active Duty. If this pregnancy had happened during Traditional Guard Status, I'd still have to work full time, and have only 6 weeks unpaid maternity leave, etc!

[Guest medik6]

To add to Nurselorber's comments I also felt UPT was a great place to have a baby for me anyway. I have have never had so much support from so many people. Especially the other wives from our class. I had people bring our family dinner every other night for 3 weeks! Even the suadron commanders's wife and one of the Flight Commanders himself! People called asking if I needed errands done or if they could take my other children for a couple hours. There was so much support from my husbands class and from the wives it was a reat experience for me. It has been a little hard on the hubby trying to get up and go fly tired but he's making it work and it makes him feel better knowing that I have so much help since he can't do as much as he'd like. My biggest worry was that he would miss the birth but it turned out okay. Every day he flew he would call me right before he stepped to the airplane to see if I was okay or having contractions and then as soon as he landed he would call me again. We were very nervous about having a baby at UPT but for us anyway it has been nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be.

[Scooter14]

Excellent points for the AFRC/ANG future parents in regards to the health care. As for the squadron's assistance, that will follow you throughout your Air Force/Reserve/ANG careers. Every squadron I have been associated with has bent over backward to accomodate us late in the pregnancy, keeping me home int he last month, sending flowers, meals, etc. Granted, there may be a time where you can't be home for the birth, but those year-long deployments seem to be the exception for run-of-the-mill aircrew members flying the line. 120 day rotations at best, and those can be broken up.

The only ramification I ran into at UPT was the fact that, if I took too much time off, I'd fall behind, and for me, the quicker I was done, the better for the family. I really wanted to finish with the class, and luckily it was a smooth birth, quick recovery and I was already almost done with T-1's.

Nurselorber, we recommend St Mary's, but I hear Integris Bass is really good, too.

[Guest flyindw]

Just thought that I would chime in on this bit. I have two kids, 21 months and 2 weeks. I am going through C-130 CIQ/PIQ (new syllabus) at the rock. My son was born on Dec 16th. My daughter was a month old before I started UPT at Vance. Everything has been smooth so far only I feel sometimes that both sides get neglected. Those being spending time with them and also my studies. You guys just have to work out a good schedule and my wife truly understands that I just may not be able to help as much as I should. She is understanding of that and helps me out. If I am flying the next day she handles the kids and will let me study and sleep. I just help out much more in my free time. Both were not exactly planned. The way I look at it is in UPT at least I am around. If I were on deployment or such then I know there are many more things that I would miss. It just takes work between mom and dad, and especially mom has to be understanding. Also work with your flight/squadron so they can give you a little time off. My squadron at the Rock was very confused and with no communication going on there scheduled me for a check ride the next day, which I got out of, and I flew when he was only 3 days old. It shouldn't of happened but we do what we have to. Anyways, sorry this is so long but just wanted to tell my story. I will also add that there is nothing greater after a long hard day of flying then coming home and getting a huge hug from my daughter and getting to hold my son.

[Guest croftfam]

I was just reading stuff to see if my wife would like this forum, and thought I'd chime in. I went to UPT with a 1 year old boy. My wife gave birth to our daughter about 3/4's of the way through. I did fine, got my choices, and all that. Having a kid is a serious responsibility, and I can honestly say that my wife probably worked harder than I did at UPT, but was she happy? Just look at her when she is holding our daughter and when you see the joy that's there you'll know.

It's hard work at UPT, harder still with kids, but not impossible or even close.

[Guest Frog1995]

My advice would be no. The only reason why is because my baby screamed the first 5 weeks of her life from 5 p.m. to midnight. Every night she did this like clockwork. Then the next 6 weeks we had to sleep with her on our chest. I could not have made it without my husband then. He would take the first shift so I could get a few hours of sleep. So I can't imagine doing this during UPT. The guys are so exhausted and need sleep to focus the next day. If you do decide to get pregant pray for a really great baby who is a sleeper if not you may have to go at it alone or move home to Mom's.

[Guest pavesooner]

I have three kids and yes they can be a challenge...For things like UPT where your husband is going to focus most of his enregy, you need to be willing to be strong and step up and do a lot of the duites he would normally share with you....

He will have 12 hour days and you will be stuck with the kid for that time...you will want time off and the minute he walks in the door you will be wanting his help...be patient with him, and expect a little hesitation and balancing both UPT and Baies is tough but not impossible....

I did it, had one in upt and another in RTU of cource my RTU was 9 months long and most weapons systems its 2-3 months....

Can it be done, sure, but dont get all upset when he isnt around as much as you would like...You need to make sure you can live independent of him...can you make doctors appointments with out him? Can you handle being a single mom during most of the day? if you can go for it...if you arent sure...think about it...

[Guest Belle103]

I am currently 10 weeks away from my due date with our first child and my husband has just started Phase II! I was wondering if anyone has had a baby during UPT, or knows someone who has had a baby during UPT! There are a lot of things that both my husband and I are freaking out over, it would just be comforting to know that there are people who have done it before without washing out!

[Guest Cap-10]

Belle103,

My class leader and his wife had a baby in the middle of Phase II. He still had to attend a few hours of academics a few days a week, but he was given a few days off from flying to spend a little time with the kiddo.

Probably won't be as much time off as you both would like, but he graduated just fine

Good luck and conrats.

Cap-10

[Guest lovemyflyboy]

One of my good friends had a baby during phase 1 and her husband did fine in UPT. I think they gave him about a week off to get adjusted. I know several people who had young kids (as in under a year) and they all made it through UPT without any problems also. Many people have done it before, I'm sure you'll be just fine. Congrats on your pregnancy!

[Toro]

There are a lot of things that both my husband and I are freaking out over, it would just be comforting to know that there are people who have done it before without washing out!

Ditto Hoser. Wives of two guys in my UPT class had babies and plenty of students had kids while I was an IP at UPT. Realize that he's not going to be getting up in the middle of the night to change the diapers and you'll be fine.

[Herk Driver]

Belle,

My wife and I had our first child during UPT. It was during what would be considered Phase II ( I was at Whiting). I got a few days off and then back to work. I would help where I could, but my wife realized quickly that I couldn't get up in the middle of the night to help out except on the weekends. It can be done and it is not that difficult.

[The Kayla]

a friend of mind also had her daughter while her husband was in UPT, I think during phase I, She took care of her daughter during the week, but on the weekends, he had kid-detail :-)

[Big Bear]

I am going to be at Laughlin starting UPT at the beginning of August too, and my wife and I just had our first baby. He's 8 weeks old now. maybe you and my wife can hang out. She'll be needing some help and support, as will all of the wives i'm sure.