Pregnant/Babies while at UPT?

[Guest Anita]

I was with my husband at pilot training 16 years ago. Now we laugh at how stressed out we were there. You should just relax and enjoy it. Feed your baby, love your husband, let the dust gather and use paper plates. If the baby is keeping your husband awake at night, have your husband wear earplugs and send him to the couch. You will all be just fine. And if other wives are saying things like, "Wow, I would never have a baby during pilot training," then screw them. They're just trying to psyche you out. This should be a treasured time in your life. Pilot training seems like it's such a huge thing, but it's only one of many "stressful" times you'll experience with the AF. They keep happening over and again...the next PCS, the special training, special schools, spearting from the AF, looking for a civilian flying job, blah, blah, blah. If you wait until it's all over to have kids, you'll be too old to have kids. Pilot training is really not that big of a deal. The truly huge thing is the family you're creating together. Trust me.

Good luck to you and your husband and congratulations on the baby!

[The Kayla]

And if other wives are saying things like, "Wow, I would never have a baby during pilot training," then screw them. They're just trying to psyche you out.

I've said that, and wasn't to "psyche" them out either, it's just my personal opinion. But, just because I think it's a bad idea, doesn't mean that I'm going to force that opinion on others. "To each their own" is a very good saying to remember, it pretty much applies to every situation.

[Flatley]

One other question for now: In that "UPT and Family" thread above, I read a post from someone who'd had a kid while at UPT. I didn't want to resurrect an 8-year old thread, but that's something I've been wondering about as well. Neither my wife or I want to have children while I'm in school and she's working, but she wants to start trying as soon as I commission. I don't really want to have my first kid while at UPT either, but sometimes you've got to compromise, and at least we'll have a steady income without her needing to work. (And maternity insurance, of course).

So, what I've said to her amounts to "We can do it, but I can't guarantee I'll be at the birth, I absolutely will not be getting up in the middle of the night during the week, which means I won't be able to sleep in the same room as you either. You're effectively going to be a single mother, except during weekends." Better than having a kid while deployed, but still not ideal.

The good news is she's willing to put up with that. I'm wondering if anyone knows of any precedent for that situation--how it affected the student, whether he was able to get a chance to go to the birth, etc. I'm still 3 years out so this is all long-range planning, but that's what's gotten me this far so I figure I'll keep at it. Thanks for any information.

EDIT: FWIW, I'll be checking the ENJJPT box.

Edited January 27, 2012 by Flatley

[Danny Noonin]

It is certainly not unprecedented for a dude's wife to have a kid while he's in UPT. At least until recently, we in the Air Force liked to hire dudes who liked to fuck chicks, so that kind of thing is going to happen.

UPT is not an ideal time, but there is no ideal time unless you FAIP. After UPT is FTU. After FTU is the nomadic life of deployments. At UPT you will in all likelihood be at the birth. It's not prison. Dudes get it. If your flight/CC doesn't get it, I assure you his wife (assuming male flt/cc) or the sqauadron CC's wife will hear about it and most certainly get it--and they will make sure your flight cc gets it. You'll be there for the birth unless she goes into a short warning kind of labor and you are in the air or otherwise just can't get there in time...but that's the same for an accountant or any other kind of job as well.

Now...having said that, you wont' get 2 weeks of paternity leave, or whatever it is that the SNAPs are demanding these days. You'll probably get a day or three off, then have to jump right back into the fray full speed. Your frau might not completely dig that. She also might not completely dig it when (if) you sleep in the other room so that you can get some sleep--which you will need. (Sidenote parental advice...don't let her let the baby sleep in your room...you will regret that. Tuck that advice away and save it for later. It's gold)

Your wife will be stressed and pissed off that you can't help her more. That's standard new-momma act and has nothing to do wtih UPT. That has everything to do with being a dude with a time consuming job. But when you get home, you can take the kid off her hands and hold on to it while it naps and you can study or chairfly at the same time. In fact, holding a screaming kid is better. It simulates a screaming IP in the back seat and teaches you to think under pressure.

Bottom line...I can't recommend that you have a kid while in UPT. But if some of your swimmers get through, then it's not the worst situation in the world.

[Learjetter]

My third child was born while I was in tweets, and about three weeks before track-select when I went through SUPT in the early 90s . Of course, my Flt/CC knew, and accelerated me just enough that I was a little ahead of the timeline when I went on "baby watch" (meaning sims-only beginning with the due date-so the SDO could find me and get me to the hospital on time.) Her due date was a Tuesday. Fortunately, my wife gave birth on Thursday, and went into labor at 5am--so i just took her to the hospital and called the flight room at showtime to report my status. Flt/CC gave me until Tuesday off. On Monday, the mother-in-law arrived, and I was back in the jet the next day. Tip: get a trusted adult (mother, mother-in-law, sister, good friend) to come live with you guys for the week before her due date, and have them stay for ~ two weeks after the birth.

[Fuzz]

So, what I've said to her amounts to "We can do it, but I can't guarantee I'll be at the birth, I absolutely will not be getting up in the middle of the night during the week, which means I won't be able to sleep in the same room as you either. You're effectively going to be a single mother, except during weekends." Better than having a kid while deployed, but still not ideal.

I'm just finishing up Phase 2 at Vance, there are several guys in my class that have kids, and while it is a struggle for them at times they manage just fine. One of the guy's wife had a baby about 3 months ago, he kept the Flt/CC advised and when she went into labor he was cleared off and took 3-4 days off to get everything situated and jumped right back in no problems. The IPs are usually (at least in my flight) pretty understanding. It helped that almost half of our IPs wives are also pregnant.

Awesome, so I'm definitely leaving behind my 1800 YD gun.

Anything else worth knowing about bringing? Even stupid stuff?

The armory here at Vance is full. Find a buddy who lives in base housing or off base to store your guns at. My house is the armory for my class, you just have to register the weapons and let SF know where they are being stored. As for bringing other stuff, make yourself comfortable, you'll be here for a year and busy, so you don't want to need something and not have it. The dorms have a decent little kitchen, so bring cooking stuff, will help with convience since most resturaunts or fast food is 10 minutes off base minimum.

If you got any questions about Vance specifics shoot me a PM.

[Duck]

We had our first child less than a month till pilot training (ENJJPT too). It was definitely not planned that way. The best advice that I can give is sit down with your wife and let her know that she will basically be a single mom during the weeks and during some of the weekend. Also since the week can be pretty exhausting, let her know that you won't be able to wake up during the weekend nights to deal with the baby. As long as both of you have a realistic view of what life is going to be like during that year, you should be able to make it. Nothing will screw you up or piss you off more than sleepless nights with both your kid and your wife crying (been there).

In my personal experience, my daughter and wife were amazing. It was almost like the baby knew that I needed sleep and study time. My wife was super quick with the baby monitor and I always had the rest I needed for the long days. My son on the other hand was an absolute nightmare. He is a light sleeper, cries often and keeps both my wife and I up during the night.

I guess the bottom line is having a baby during/before pilot training is the easy part. Depending on what your kid's personality is after you bring him home can be the game changer. If you have questions, PM me and I can do my best to give you a straightforward answer.

[tcf2007]

But when you get home, you can take the kid off her hands and hold on to it while it naps and you can study or chairfly at the same time. In fact, holding a screaming kid is better. It simulates a screaming IP in the back seat and teaches you to think under pressure.

Possibly the best advice I have ever heard about UPT and kids...and if you are lucky the kid can even simulate leaking fuel in the cockpit...

[Flatley]

Well that's encouraging. Thanks everyone, now back to the business of tending my GPA...

[Cell Dweller]

As long as your wife is a meek mouse who will take care of everything that could interfere with your job, you will be fine. If on the other hand, your wife has a pulse and a spine, you could have some challenges along the way.

[so.it.goes]

As long as your wife is a meek mouse who will take care of everything that could interfere with your job, you will be fine. If on the other hand, your wife has a pulse and a spine, you could have some challenges along the way.

Okay... Thanks?

[brabus]

As long as your wife is a meek mouse who will take care of everything that could interfere with your job, you will be fine. If on the other hand, your wife has a pulse and a spine, you could have some challenges along the way.[

Okay... Thanks?

My wife's very type A, career, etc. Far from a "meek mouse." However, she also is supportive and does a very good job at minimizing things that could interfere with my job. She takes care of a lot of stuff (including the kid) so I don't have to. I do everything I can to help when I'm home, but she's understanding of the time requirements my job demands. That's the bottom line: ensuring your wife understands the commitment required towards UPT and being a pilot in general...if she gets it, you'll do just fine, regardless of what her personality is.

Just don't forget to help as much as you can when able, give her a break on the weekends, do something she wants to do on Saturday, etc. Family will always be important, no matter how much time your job demands.

Edited June 24, 2012 by brabus

[Jumpseat18]

Does anyone have experience with OTS dates conflicting with a baby due date? This scenario hasn't played out for me yet, but I should have my package submitted to AFRC in November with a wife due in early April of 2016. Any info/suggestions are appreciated!

[guineapigfury]

Does anyone have experience with OTS dates conflicting with a baby due date? This scenario hasn't played out for me yet, but I should have my package submitted to AFRC in November with a wife due in early April of 2016. Any info/suggestions are appreciated!

My gouge is 9 years old, so YMMV. A dude in my flight at OTS had a pregnant wife, she was due about 3/4 of the way through. Even though he had a good plan (leave on Friday afternoon, birth on Saturday, return on Sunday) he wasn't allowed to go. So he missed the birth. Our SQ/CC at the time was a notorious douchebag, so I'm not sure if this was OTS policy or just this dude being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole. Hope you have better luck than my friend!

[Jumpseat18]

My gouge is 9 years old, so YMMV. A dude in my flight at OTS had a pregnant wife, she was due about 3/4 of the way through. Even though he had a good plan (leave on Friday afternoon, birth on Saturday, return on Sunday) he wasn't allowed to go. So he missed the birth. Our SQ/CC at the time was a notorious douchebag, so I'm not sure if this was OTS policy or just this dude being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole. Hope you have better luck than my friend!

Thanks for the info, that SQ/CC does sound like an ass.  Do you know if the bubba that missed his child's birth had tried to strategically change his OTS dates to avoid the due date or if when the OTS date is assigned, you're just stuck with it?

[guineapigfury]

I don't think the dad to be attempted to change class dates, he was shocked they wouldn't let him leave.  We were in the "allowed to leave base on the weekends" phase of training, the issue was him leaving town. I have no idea if you can change dates or not.