Working spouses/jobs

[hindsight2020]

Enid, OK almost cost me my relationship. The number one reason I opted to pursue the Reserve component was the inherent hardship for a working spouse to develop his/her career. In my case after 6 months of living in Oklahoma my significant other decided to bolt back home. I do not subscribe to the validity of long distance relationships and like clockwork it took a toll on the relationship. Someone above spoke about commutes and having weekend arrangements to see each other. well, that's not for everybody and not my definition of being married to somebody.

I think outside careers where one is not expected to be the primary income provider (teaching) or highly in demand, relatively high portability medical professions (nursing...and even that's a stretch if you want to get into management), I'd say the stay at home types is the only kind set up for success to the PCS shuffle and the base locales. I know there's plenty of "exceptions" out there but in general that's the way things are. In our case, my fiance is taking a paycut due to the location, but since I'm a reservist there's an implied homestead, so that makes her happy. If that was also not the case, forget it, it'd be a deal breaker. I think a lot of people with working spouses outside nursing and teaching feel the same way we do and would have the same tribulations we would if I was AD.

Honestly, if u want a safe bet, marry a nurse, teacher, or somebody who does not intend on making a subtantial income contribution to the household via his/her employment field. Outside that, it's a ticking bomb.

[Guest sweethomeco]

Honestly, if u want a safe bet, marry a nurse, teacher, or somebody who does not intend on making a subtantial income contribution to the household via his/her employment field. Outside that, it's a ticking bomb.

I'm sorry, but this is the worst advice I have ever heard. I've been at Vance with my husband for over 2 years now. Last year, I made more than he did, and no, I don't work as a nurse or teacher, and I certainly expect myself to contribute substantially to our income, and I don't care if it means making more or less than he does. We're not in a competition here.

The last year that I made more, he was fully ingrained in UPT, and I was working full time. It worked. Why? Because we made it work. <-- This is what being in the military comes down to.

Having a spouse that works and contributes to your overall income will not jeopardize your relationship. The best thing that you both can think going into the military is that the civilian in the relationship will have to be determined in making things happen for her/himself. You can sit on your butt and complain about not finding the perfect job or you can keep looking and adapt.

My first job in Enid was not what I wanted to do, but it opened up new doors for me, gaining me access to a better second job. The second job was not what I wanted to do, but I worked hard at it and got promoted to do what I wanted to do. There were still aspects of the job that made it less than perfect, but guess what, perfect doesn't happen.

And throughout the whole thing, I had my husband there, offering encouragement when needed and also that tough guy statement of "stop your complaining and make it work". I didn't like the tough guy sometimes... sometimes I hated being treated with that attitude when we had moved to Vance for him. But then I realized that his dreams were now part of my dreams and vice versa. I decided to stop complaining and work to do my job well and support him to the best of my ability. He does the same when he puts in for assignments... thinking of what will benefit the both of us. There will be sucky assignments, and nothing he or I can do about it, but it once again, comes down to if you're willing to make it work between the two of you.

And stepping off of my soapbox now....

[Guest lovemyflyboy]

it once again, comes down to if you're willing to make it work between the two of you.

I 100% agree with L. It doesn't have anything to do with what the spouse does for a living, it has everything to do with your relationship and ability to compromise. I definitely don't have my dream job here, and I wouldn't wish being stuck in Enid for an extended period of time on anyone, but it has not caused any problems in my marriage.

Edited November 6, 2008 by lovemyflyboy

[Guest justawife]

There will be times that you may not be able to work, a tour overseas can make careers stop. The SOFAs generally keep jobs in the host country's favor. My spouse's room mate married a woman who was a VP of HR in a tech company, his first assignment was to Germany. She had to take a leave of absence from her job, took that time to push out 3 boys in three years. When they returned to the US she return to her company at a lower level, she blamed him for this demotion and she forced him out of the AF after ADSC was up. He loved the AF, flying fighters and finally left her after 16 years.

In the 20 plus years married to the military, the careers that do well with the moves are teaching, nursing and some GS jobs like public affairs and HR. This is not an easy life, there are lot of couples who don't make it. I know a few who the wives who made more money and these guys got out and became the house husband with kids. These guys also got Reserve jobs. It is what works for them.

Edited November 7, 2008 by justawife

[Guest Kawen]

I am a pharmacist and job availability is not ever an issue in this profession. The money is great and if you work for a company that has locations all ever the country, you'll never have a problem being employed. There are pharmacies in every town. The only downfall is that you have to become licensed in each state you practice in...your board exam scores transfer in most states, however, you have to take the MPJE (law exam) in each state you get a license in since the laws differ everywhere you go. I wanted to go to med school when I was in undergrad, but fell in love with an AF guy, so I figured this was a way for me to still have a career despite the frequent moves.

[Guest Pilot Select Wife]

Thank you!!

I was beginning to think that maybe my career drive was going to ruin my relationship with my husband when he goes to UPT. I keep thinking that if it's only a year or so maybe it would be best if I DIDN'T work, instead to give my all to support him and his dream, if I had my dream come true like he is currently experiencing, I might want that kind of dedication from a spouse.

However, I have been working since I was 14 and I am an accountant now which I LOVE and the pay is pretty decent and there's no way I can imagine myself being domesticated (I can hardly boil water)... we don't have kids, is there really a need for me to be at home if he's out flying 12 hours a day?

My husband and I have talked the issue over and over and over and have come to the conclusion (mainly since I am still in school full time and won't be finished with my bachelor's until October 2010 *Columbia College*) that I should try to find a fun part time job at a coffee shop or something, nothing serious, but something to occupy my time (I don't see myself being so consumed with cleaning the house and attempting to cook that I can't squeeze 4 or 5 hours out of my day). That way I won't go stir crazy or spend all my time as a gym rat *shudder* but for me that is a HUGE step down from the staff accountant job I hold for the mid-size bank I work for now.

I don't know, I just worry a lot that I won't be able to find the fulfillment I am looking for, especially not given the job I have now... so much to consider, we just found out he was selected though so we aren't even sure yet when he'll be leaving and we have more or less decided that I will move to UPT after he gets out of OTS so that it gives me a little extra time to get settled there before he comes. Wow, does my nervousness come out like I feel it does?

[Guest fghtffyrdmns]

One thing I'm really worried about is that my girlfriend, who will obtain a Bachelors in Chemical Engineering, will have gone through 4 years of highly difficult classes and spending a lot of time to do well only to follow me around and not be able to use her major (I have a pretty simple major). We have talked about it and we're pretty damn sure we're going to get married so this is a big deal to me. I wouldn't want to pursue a pilot slot and completely ruin her career (I wouldn't be ruining mine because I'm sure I'd be happy with Intel or Comm and flying on my own). Is it going to be impossible for her to get an entry level engineering job at my first base? Any advice? If I did do pilot should she just continue her education as long as she can?

Edited January 13, 2009 by fghtffyrdmns

[Toro]

One thing I'm really worried about is that my girlfriend, who will obtain a Bachelors in Chemical Engineering, will have gone through 4 years of highly difficult classes and spending a lot of time to do well only to follow me around and not be able to use her major (I have a pretty simple major). We have talked about it and we're pretty damn sure we're going to get married so this is a big deal to me. I wouldn't want to pursue a pilot slot and completely ruin her career (I wouldn't be ruining mine because I'm sure I'd be happy with Intel or Comm and flying on my own). Is it going to be impossible for her to get an entry level engineering job at my first base? Any advice? If I did do pilot should she just continue her education as long as she can?

First off - whether you are a pilot, intel, or comm is not going to make that big of a difference. It's the fact that you are in the Air Force and you're going to pick up and move every three years, thereby making it difficult for her to (a) find a job where she can practice Chemical Engineering (b) gain any sort of seniority as a career professional

Second - If you are "sure you'd be happy with Intel and Comm" then don't apply for a pilot slot. There are guys out there who would kill for a slot and you're waltzing in not really caring that you're there.

Last - When you say "continue her education as long as she can," what are you talking about? Do you expect her to drop out when you get moved to Laughlin and she has nowhere to transfer her credits to? If her intent is to get a degree, then she should be in it for the long haul, not just "as long as she can."

The harsh fact is that somebody is probably going to have to sacrifice. Whether that means somebody gives up on their job or you guys are separated so you can both do your thing will depend on you.

[brabus]

Toro nailed it (sts). My wife is very career-oriented and has a good job (even in Enid). Luckily she likes doing something that can be done most places. However, your girlfriend being able to do chemical engineering will be very limited, and definitely impossible at some bases. I agree with KM...if your girlfriend only wants to do chem engineering and you could take pilot or leave it, then just do some 4 yr career field in the AF and get out. You'll gain valuable experience, serve your country and have a great resume when you get out to go to the civilian side. Plus, you can always get a part-time guard job somewhere (i.e. intel) and still play AF once in a while, but you never have to move your family.

[Guest SEP]

My fiance is working on completing her doctorate as a Psych Therapist and specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and autism in children.

Does anyone know how that career field fares as a spouse trying to move around with a guy going through pilot training and after that? How easy is it for Psychologists to find jobs quickly near bases?

Thanks!

[Guest KM]

It depends. I'm not trying to be difficult, but that's the best answer anyone is going to be able to give you. If your assignment is to Laughlin AFB, the chances of her getting a job are just about zero. If you end up at Andrews, she will probably be able to find a great job.

It is frustrating trying to have a career while being a military spouse, but you can definitely make it work. Not every job will be the best paying job, or your dream job, or a job that is exactly what you studied in school, but you can usually find something.

[The Kayla]

It depends. I'm not trying to be difficult, but that's the best answer anyone is going to be able to give you. If your assignment is to Laughlin AFB, the chances of her getting a job are just about zero. If you end up at Andrews, she will probably be able to find a great job.

It is frustrating trying to have a career while being a military spouse, but you can definitely make it work. Not every job will be the best paying job, or your dream job, or a job that is exactly what you studied in school, but you can usually find something.

Ditto what KM said, also, if she isn't opposed to a commute, she could always commute to a job, Like if you were stationed at Vance, she could commute to OKC, Tulsa, or Witchita.

[Guest ParkLaug]

My fiance is working on completing her doctorate as a Psych Therapist and specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and autism in children.

Does anyone know how that career field fares as a spouse trying to move around with a guy going through pilot training and after that? How easy is it for Psychologists to find jobs quickly near bases?

Thanks!

If she's interested in teaching - even just for a year or two while you're in training - have her check out the Education Center on Base. Universities such as Park University or Embry Riddle offer college courses at mini campuses on base and are always looking for Instructors. I work for Park University at Laughlin and we'd love a Psychology professor! Instructors are paid pretty well and it's good for the resume.

[HU&W]

My fiance is working on completing her doctorate as a Psych Therapist and specializes in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and autism in children.

Does anyone know how that career field fares as a spouse trying to move around with a guy going through pilot training and after that? How easy is it for Psychologists to find jobs quickly near bases?

Thanks!

Easy. Civil service jobs exist for psychologists/counselors on most bases. The main three locations to check out are "Family Advocacy", "Mental Health", and the "Airman and Family Readiness Center" (aka Family Support Center).

[jiggy]

Anything to do with information technology/computer science is well sought after.

[shift]

Does anyone have experience with their spouse using FMLA time? Would UPT count as a qualifying exigency. My fiance is a teacher and has been employed there for over 2 years. I have not been picked up anywhere yet, just trying to forecast for the future. I am applying to Guard units and we would like to live in the same area we are now after training. It would be nice if she could hold on to her current job and go with me to UPT. This is straight from her contract.

6.04 FAMILY AND MEDICAL LEAVE

6.04.1 Eligible employees may use family and medical leave, guaranteed by the federal Family and Medical Leave Act, for up to a combined total of 60 work days each year, beginning July 1 and ending June 30 of the next year, and as otherwise taken in accordance with this Agreement and the District’s FMLA policy.

6.04.2 Family and medical leave is available in one or more of the following instances:

...

e. The existence of a qualifying exigency arising out of the fact the employee’s spouse, son, daughter, or parent is on covered active duty (or has been notified of an impending call or order to covered active duty) in the Armed Forces.

[FUBAR]

Thread revival.

I’m desperately looking for telework/remote opportunities in the following areas: aviation Human Factors Engineering/Ergonomics, safety, or related fields. INTERNSHIPS OK!

Me: security clearable veteran, A&P, Private pilot, working on MS in Human Factors/Systems Engineering. Highly driven, exceptional academic and professional performance.

Currently located in central Alabama and there is a lack of jobs in my field here. Particularly interested in Lockheed Martin in Troy, AL if your network extends there. Also Huntsville area. Willing to travel 25-50%.

Happy to PM a proper resume. Just desperate here to find a foot in the door. Thank you!