Getting Engaged before UPT

[NOLAflyer]

I appreciate the responses and certainly am aware that only I can truly decide if it's going to work, and as far as a wild weekend goes, I've never cheated in a relationship and plan on keeping that record clean so i'm not too worried about that. As far as the two years comment goes, I based that off of reading some of the threads stating that moving to a UPT town may not be good because the job opportunities are "slim pickings." So keeping that in mind, there's

1)the possiblity of her not moving down while im in UPT which would mean an over two year long distance relationship by the time i graduate

2) her moving down and not being able to find a job which places the stress on me to entertain her while im just starting UPT, or

3) Her moving down here, living off base, and ultimately having it not work out and once again feeling the responsibility for her coming down there in the first place.

I guess my biggest fear is having to deal with with this issue at the beginning of UPT. I've read the "doing well at UPT" thread and it seems to be a consensus that one should have all friendship, financial, and relationship issues on lock, scott free, no problems. And personally, the last thing I need during UPT, especially at the start, is a relationship going bad. Also, one final point that might make my situation a little bit more clear is that my current gf isn't the most independent person so I sometimes feel like I have to solve little issues that should really be hers to solve, which, from my perspective, is the opposite of the type of girl I need in my life. I need someone who is independent, can entertain herself, fend for herself because it will ultimately help her survive UPT along side of me.

Again I appreciate any input, hope I don't come across as an ass, def not trying to do that. I need to go drink some 's now and relax!

[The Kayla]

I appreciate the responses and certainly am aware that only I can truly decide if it's going to work, and as far as a wild weekend goes, I've never cheated in a relationship and plan on keeping that record clean so i'm not too worried about that. As far as the two years comment goes, I based that off of reading some of the threads stating that moving to a UPT town may not be good because the job opportunities are "slim pickings." So keeping that in mind, there's

1)the possiblity of her not moving down while im in UPT which would mean an over two year long distance relationship by the time i graduate

2) her moving down and not being able to find a job which places the stress on me to entertain her while im just starting UPT, or

3) Her moving down here, living off base, and ultimately having it not work out and once again feeling the responsibility for her coming down there in the first place.

I guess my biggest fear is having to deal with with this issue at the beginning of UPT. I've read the "doing well at UPT" thread and it seems to be a consensus that one should have all friendship, financial, and relationship issues on lock, scott free, no problems. And personally, the last thing I need during UPT, especially at the start, is a relationship going bad. Also, one final point that might make my situation a little bit more clear is that my current gf isn't the most independent person so I sometimes feel like I have to solve little issues that should really be hers to solve, which, from my perspective, is the opposite of the type of girl I need in my life. I need someone who is independent, can entertain herself, fend for herself because it will ultimately help her survive UPT along side of me.

Again I appreciate any input, hope I don't come across as an ass, def not trying to do that. I need to go drink some 's now and relax!

There was a guy in my husband's class that dumped his girl a month or so after starting UPT--He just moved on. Granted, she didn't live here.

It honestly sounds like maybe the distence between you guys might be what the Dr. prescribes.. just to see if she can deal. If she can't deal being away from you while you are in the states.. how is she going to react if you are deployed?

Humor me, I was never good at the whole dating-thing:

What if you and her were to have a sit down before you leave, and do the "friends" thing.

here is a version of the conversation going on in my head, to give you an idea of what I am talking about:

You: Hi, I think we should talk about this coming up year with me being at UPT..

Her: OK..

You: I want you to understand that UPT is very important to me, and that I need to be completely focused on my training 110%

Her: I completely understand...

You: We've only been going out for X-length, and we're still a "new" relationship.. I think we should take this back to teh friend stage, to get to know each

other better, that way you don't feel like you have a BF who doesn't pay attention to you, or you feel like you are the only one trying to make this

relationship work..

Her: Kay...

You: I'm trying to stress to you that I wont have time to be the boyfriend that you want.. I will be putting everything on the back burner until I am winged.. This is very important to me, and I don't want the added stress of worring about if I'm being a good BF or not..

Her: kay..

You: I have a suggestion: We go back to the friend stage, we keep in contact, you can visit me, and I can come home for the holidays.. and lets see how we feel about each other at the end of UPT... Plus, do you really want to "waste" (for a lack of a better word on Kayla's part) two yrs of your life on a long distence relationship, if we don't pan out? The flip side is that this will give you a taste of what a deployment/TDY is like...

I hope that made sense.. I swear I'm not drunk..

[Guest KM]

Also, one final point that might make my situation a little bit more clear is that my current gf isn't the most independent person so I sometimes feel like I have to solve little issues that should really be hers to solve, which, from my perspective, is the opposite of the type of girl I need in my life.

There's the deal-killer for me. During UPT, a girlfriend/fiance/wife needs to be able to find happiness through work, friends, school, hobbies etc. and can't depend on you for that. You usually won't have time. Also, she must be able to take care of things for herself, because, again, you won't have the time or the patience.

I think Kayla has the right idea...maybe you guys can just maintain a good friendship without the pressure or expectations of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. See each other when you can, and maybe after UPT you can give it another shot. It sounds like you both need time to develop individually before getting into a serious relationship.

[NOLAflyer]

There's the deal-killer for me. During UPT, a girlfriend/fiance/wife needs to be able to find happiness through work, friends, school, hobbies etc. and can't depend on you for that. You usually won't have time. Also, she must be able to take care of things for herself, because, again, you won't have the time or the patience.

I think Kayla has the right idea...maybe you guys can just maintain a good friendship without the pressure or expectations of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. See each other when you can, and maybe after UPT you can give it another shot. It sounds like you both need time to develop individually before getting into a serious relationship.

Yea I think that's whats weighing most in my mind. She's an awesome girl and I KNOW she can do the distance thing but it being her senior year and my career will be just starting out, I feel inclined to stay friends and hope the opportunity presents itself to give it another try when the timing is better. Like Kayla said, for lack of a better term, but I just hate the idea of the all this not working out and ultimately wasting each others time when this should be her last year to enjoy college, and time for me to grow into the whole AF life without any outside pressure or drama.

I appreciate all the input on this. If there's any more out there I'd still love to hear it.