Girlfriends at UPT

[Guest Devin]

Hello All! My boyfriend graduates OTS here in November, and we aren't quite sure where we'll be stationed for UPT (hopefully Vance, or Witchita Falls for ENJPT.) I know everyone says to get married cause AF life is easier that way, but we're just not ready for that. What I want to know is if girlfriends are welcome to the 'officer spouse's club' functions. I love being involved in activites and am nervous to be moving to a new place, so I am very interested in the OSC, but wasn't sure if I would be allowed to partake. If anyone has any insight lemme know!

[Guest SpyGadget]

Devin,

Girlfriends were always welcomed at the OSC functions during UPT.

[Guest PilotKD]

Remember, as a girlfriend, you're not going to have priviledges on base, much less even get on base without being sponsored on, so it may not be easy to get involved. Of course it is possible, as long as you get sponsored.

[CHQ Pilot]

Hey there.. I'm using my husband's login. Here at Vance, it was explained to me that the OSC did not include girlfriends. I actually ran into a problem because my last name didn't match my husbands, so they automatically assumed that I was a girlfriend and was told it was a "no-no" to belong if I was a girlfriend. That was when a group of girls started the Student Officers' Spouses' Club. This club is open to girlfriends, fiance's and wives of student pilots.

[Guest Rainman A-10]

Depend on a CHECK SECTION household to give you the book answer.

[Guest Devin]

Okay, Can I say that it hurts my feelings that girlfriends are so 'hated on' in the AF? I know this is going to stir the pot and I'm going to get a slew of 'you're-never-gonna-make-it-in-the-AF' responses, however I think that 'clubs' should be fun, not so much about a marriage liscense. I know that I'm not a dependant and as far as the AF is conserned I don't even exist. I understand that its going to be hard to get on base and be a pain in the rear etc....however, marriage is a HUGE DEAL!!!! Its not just a sticker to put on my car so the guy in BDU's can give me the okay to deliver lunch to my man. I love my man to death and by the time he starts UPT (July 06) we may already be married. But I think its snotty for girlfriends to be excluded from the officer wives club. I'm a fun girl and just wanna meet some people and hang out with. I'll be in the city and hanging around wether I'm invited to tea or not...but I REALLY WANNA BE INVITED TO THE TEA PARTIES! hehe, okay anyway, y'all don't 'hate on me' I'm just trying to figure out how I'm going to survive in a strange place, but the ultimate answer to that question is that no matter where I'll be or who invites me to their club or meetings, I will be with my best friend and the love of my life. And even with the minescule (sp?) amt of support he'll be able to provide during UPT it will be enough. Not to mention I'll make friends at work ;o)

[C17Driver]

Devin,

Don't worry about it...You most likely will not be the only girlfriend in the class. Plenty of your husbands classmates will have girlfriends and wifes that you'll be able to hang out with...

[Guest Vistar1]

Devin-

I agree with C17Driver...I wouldn't put so much emphasis on making it into the Officer's Spouses Club(s). There will likely be at least a few girlfriends/wives you can make friends with in your man's class without having to look at the BIG picture of joining clubs on base. There will be plenty of time for that kind of thing in the future when you get to a base permanently (well, as permanent as the AF can get).

This may step on some toes...but sometimes those clubs are a little overrated. I've been to a couple of the gatherings and went home not feeling like my time was well spent. But that could've very well been my own fault. Maybe I didn't "put myself out there" like I should've.

Over all, it's important to pick your friends wisely while your man is in pilot training because even though the classmates grow to be quite close during that year...they are still competing for their assignments in the end.

Wives can become very involved in "getting the scoop" on other classmates performance, assignment hopes, and attitudes towards others in the class. So just know that if you are at a function with other wives, what you say will most surely get back to their husbands and eventually back to yours...and usually completely different from what you originally said!

My advice?? Make good friends while you are there...have a great time, but know that in the end, friends that you thought you had made may fade away when competition gets the best of the friendship. Sorry if I step on toes, but I bet the majority of wives who have gone through pilot training with their husband has either been in this same situation or witnessed it within their class.

Good luck and don't stress...you'll find a niche and have a good time!

V.

[Toro]

Originally posted by Vistar1:

Wives can become very involved in "getting the scoop" on other classmates performance, assignment hopes, and attitudes towards others in the class. So just know that if you are at a function with other wives, what you say will most surely get back to their husbands and eventually back to yours...and usually completely different from what you originally said!

Here's some good advice - don't talk about it. His classmates' performance is absolutely none of your business and you will gain nothing by talking about it. There was a great thread (albeit heated) that I started a while back on the topic of wives talking shop. Short summary: don't do it - you only know what he has told you, and what he tells you is probably a biased/skewed opinion. You only make yourself look like an ass when you talk about things you're not fully involved in.

[Guest Frog1995]

I guess I feel differently about making friends. I have made friends during UPT, at training bases, at PCS bases and recently the few months my husband went through PIT. Is there competition at UPT sure, but we are still friends with a lot of people we went through UPT with. Did we want a certain plane, location, etc. yes, but I also wanted others to do well too. Also, our squadron includes fiancees and girlfriends in activities and the wives groups are what you make of it. Most of the time if you are friendly others will be friendly. In the Air Force make friends when you can because when your husband deploys (and he will) you'll need as many friends as you can get to pass the time.

[ 08. October 2005, 22:01: Message edited by: Frog1995 ]

[Guest Rainman A-10]

Don't talk about other pilots or flying or your own husband/boyfriend's flying ability or assignments or the IPs or the commander or what your husband did in ROTC/prior service or anything else related to the USAF. Asking questions is kind of OK but even questions cvan be taken out of context.

Even though the vast majority of the spouses might be cool about the competition, it only takes one spouse to crack the lid on the barrel of "my husband/boyfriend is better than yours and/or he's getting screwed by the IPs" whoopass. Once the seal is cracked, there's no amount of superglue that will put the cap back on (kind of like a bottle of weed).

You will never know how good a pilot anyone is, including your own hubby/BF. He can graduate at the top of his class and get his first choice and I promise you there will be people that will think he kissed ass or was favored or just didn't deserve it. He could also be less talented than he thinks while it appears to you and him and some of your friends that he is just getting picked on.

Pilot training is a snapshot. Some guys kick ass in that environment and get great assignments and then suck over the long term. Some guys string a couple bad days together, get a lower ranking and end up being unbelievably talented pilots in an aircraft no one thought was any good/fun/cool. Timing is everything and the type of aircraft someone flys has nothing to do with their skill as a pilot. A great example...some of the most talented pilots I have ever seen are flying helicopters.

It is all in the attitude and you should judge yourself over the long term, not pilot training.

[Guest Devin]

I know what you all are talking about as far as the "my DB/DH is better than yours." we're just in OTS and over a website some of that tension is felt about UPT base assignments and ENJPT etc. I also know about how saying something to someone will either get from your man to someone else's to their wife and back to you and it only takes a matter of days! Crazy. Thanks for all of the insight...I look forward to new friends and new places!

[Guest laang_spouse]

Devin,

Don't worry about anything!! If you accompany him to UPT remember you are supporting him, and that's AWESOME! Wives, fiancees, and girlfriends of other students won't have any issue with you, and I seriously doubt anyone else will either.

Just know that UPT can be a trying time in any relationship and it can be the best or worst time ever. It's what you make of it!

Good luck!

[Guest Kawen]

Well, I don't live near my boyfriend, but whenever I have gone to visit and at all other times, everyone has been extremely nice to me. Whenever I have gone out to visit, I hung out with the wives while my boyfriend was in for the 12 hour days. Whenever I've had a question or needed something, I've been able to talk to the squadron commander's wife and the flight commander's wife. I have always felt welcome when I have been in the flight room and various other functions and though I don't live anywhere near where he is stationed, I get invitations to all the wives events. They are a super group of people and a great form of support whether you are a spouse or a girlfriend.

[Guest Navtastic]

More advice (from a former spouse and current flier): What you say at the spouses' meetings WILL get back to your husband/wife/bf/gf. It will also get back to all of the other people in their class. If you think you may embarass yourself and/or your significant other with what you have to say, don't say it. Gossip is a no-no, and for obvious reasons. I've seen it backfire, as a spouse and as a current flier. Many a close relationship between classmates has been ruined at spouses' club meetings.

Another thing to add --> no matter how good your intentions are, you are not going to be able to do anything to enhance your sig other's career. Kissing heinie only makes you look foolish, and has the opposite effect of what you had hoped for.

Hate on me if that makes you feel better, but I've been there, done that. Let the guys/gals do it on their own, and use the clubs to make friends and kvetch about the hardships of being a spouse. It's not your career, and you can be supportive without interfering.

[Guest homewith4]

I think G/F are welcome at informal stuff(most of the fun ones are informal). As far as the OSC, there are still some places where an o'club membership is required to be an OSC member. You may certainly go as a guest of a member several times. Base access is a pain, but workable. You just need someone to vouch for you. I don't think it's accurate to say G/F are "hated" in the Air Force. What has happened to you or someone you know that makes you feel that way?

I do want to point out a grim reality of the profession. You will not be treated as next of kin in a worst case scenario unless you have a marriage license. That may seem unfair, but it would probably take an act of congress to change it. I think part of the issue lies in this reality.

[Toro]

Originally posted by Devin:

Can I say that it hurts my feelings that girlfriends are so 'hated on' in the AF?

The girlfriends aren't 'hated on' by the AF, they simply aren't recognized as dependents. It's a plain and simple fact - you two aren't married so they can't afford to provide you the benefits of a dependent.

At any rate from my personal experience I have found that the squadron spouses club where I have been stationed have had much more interaction and activities than the OCSC (Officer's and Civilians Spouses Club - that's what it's called now, not Officer's Wives Club). They don't care if you're a spouse or girlfriend -- neither will the spouses in your boyfriends UPT class.

[Guest Devin]

Nothing has happened to me or anyone I know that makes me think that girlfriends are "hated on" other than reading threads about "you should get married, its easier." "as a girlfriend you can't get on base" etc...

I totally understand that I'm not a dependant and i'm not asking for any of the benefits, nor do I expect to get them. Not sure why any g/f would think that they deserve benefits...thats wat marriage is for!

[Guest KoolKat]

"Pilot training is a snapshot. Some guys kick ass in that environment and get great assignments and then suck over the long term. Some guys string a couple bad days together, get a lower ranking and end up being unbelievably talented pilots in an aircraft no one thought was any good/fun/cool. Timing is everything and the type of aircraft someone flys has nothing to do with their skill as a pilot. A great example...some of the most talented pilots I have ever seen are flying helicopters.

It is all in the attitude and you should judge yourself over the long term, not pilot training."

Wow. Well said.

BENDY

[Guest T38driver]

Devin,

FYI...a guy in my UPT class was able to get the leadership to give his girlfriend a pass to get on base with or without him. All he did was ask, it made sense, and they said yes. Just an option. Never hurts to ask...

[Guest ericvano]

The whole O-club name kinda makes sense. I mean, what if you're a civilian guy and it's your wife who's an officer? I wouldn't want to be known as a wife if I'm a cilvilian guy when I went to the O club with my wife.

"Hi, I'm Julie, this is my wife, Dave." :eek:

[Toro]

Originally posted by Coach Z:

what if you're a civilian guy and it's your wife who's an officer?

Umm....then I probably wouldn't hang out with a bunch of wives...but that's just me.

[Guest Rainman A-10]

Originally posted by Coach Z:

"Hi, I'm Julie, this is my wife, Dave."

HA!

[Chump]

Gonna start this thread from the other perspective should be getting dates for AMS/UPT pretty soon and my girlfriend of a year wants to come to UPT with me... long story short im on the fritz if i want her to or not, I realize the AF doesnt recognize any relationship besides marriages. So would you bring your girlfriend?

[slacker]

Gonna start this thread from the other perspective should be getting dates for AMS/UPT pretty soon and my girlfriend of a year wants to come to UPT with me... long story short im on the fritz if i want her to or not, I realize the AF doesnt recognize any relationship besides marriages. So would you bring your girlfriend?

Is she hot?