How to deal with Separation

[Guest chuzie]

My hubby of 7 yrs. will be leaving me to go to OTS in 2 weeks and we have never been separated for that long. I am happy for him, but at the same time feel sad that I will be without him and alone with our newborn who is now 6 weeks old. The whole situation is bittersweet. We just moved to this new area and so I don't really know anyone and now my only support is leaving. Anyone have any advice? I have read the threads about UPT and I get the impression things can get pretty lonely for spouses there too. So I guess the family gets put on the back burner just by default? That's okay I suppose, but how does one like me cope? By the way I am using his profile to write this.

[Guest justagirl22]

My advice: get involved. In what? In anything! Check your base... maybe they have clubs or baby yoga or a wives group. If you can afford a babysitter a few days a week, look for a job (which will in turn help you afford childcare). That might help you take your mind off the feelings of being "alone". That's what's great about the military--we ARE our support group... you just have to take advantage of us ;) If you need any more suggestions, or just need people to talk to, this is a great place to search, but go to family housing on your base and see if they can help you out too. You'd be surprised how much better you'll feel! Good luck! Let me know how it goes

[ 08. August 2006, 20:43: Message edited by: Justagirl22 ]

[Guest C-21 Pilot]

Putting things into perspective makes things easier...not trying to diss your feelings of lonliness, but putting things in reality.

1.) He's only gone for approx 13 weeks. There's many Army grunts and their families who wish their time away from home was only 13 weeks.

2.) If your 6 week old baby disowns your husband for leaving, then give Dr. Phil a call....she won't do anything but eat/sleep/shit.

3.) Get off the couch and be sociable. People won't knock on your door...you have to go find stuff to do. There are MANY activities for new moms (families) in your neighborhood - you have to do research.

4.) Get used to deployments lasting longer than 13 weeks. I was probably in one of the "plush" assignments in the C-21 for 4 years...missed 3 anniver's, 2 Christmas's, my son's 6th and 8th birthday, and many other family events along the way that would have been nice to go to. My family deals with it as part of my job.

UPT is as lonley as you make it....it's not by default. Your husband and you should have realized the sacrifices prior to him signing the line.

In the end, hang tough during the next 1.5 years...get INVOLVED with your husbands class as much as possible. Some of our best friends were in our UPT class...and we still keep in contact with everyone of my classmates.

Bottom line...hang tough, realize the sacrifice, and know that 20000+ folks have done the same thing in the past.

[Guest chuzie]

I understand what you are saying about getting involved, but it seems hard to do anything since I had the baby. I am lucky if I sit down for one meal and make my bed in the mornings. I will look into things on base and see what they have to offer.

[Guest chuzie]

Originally posted by C-21 Pilot:

Putting things into perspective makes things easier...not trying to diss your feelings of lonliness, but putting things in reality.

1.) He's only gone for approx 13 weeks. There's many Army grunts and their families who wish their time away from home was only 13 weeks.

2.) If your 6 week old baby disowns your husband for leaving, then give Dr. Phil a call....she won't do anything but eat/sleep/shit.

3.) Get off the couch and be sociable. People won't knock on your door...you have to go find stuff to do. There are MANY activities for new moms (families) in your neighborhood - you have to do research.

4.) Get used to deployments lasting longer than 13 weeks. I was probably in one of the "plush" assignments in the C-21 for 4 years...missed 3 anniver's, 2 Christmas's, my son's 6th and 8th birthday, and many other family events along the way that would have been nice to go to. My family deals with it as part of my job.

UPT is as lonley as you make it....it's not by default. Your husband and you should have realized the sacrifices prior to him signing the line.

In the end, hang tough during the next 1.5 years...get INVOLVED with your husbands class as much as possible. Some of our best friends were in our UPT class...and we still keep in contact with everyone of my classmates.

Bottom line...hang tough, realize the sacrifice, and know that 20000+ folks have done the same thing in the past.

[Guest chuzie]

I realize that it's a sacrifice and I am very supportive of his goals and dreams.

I am just saying that it will be a difficult time seeing as how we have never been apart before. I am sure others have done this before, but I haven't which is the reason for my post.

I am trying to learn and get involved when I can, it's just hard with a new baby.

I will do what I can.

[Guest Rainman A-10]

Originally posted by broncoman:

My hubby of 7 yrs. will be leaving me to go to OTS in 2 weeks and we have never been separated for that long...

So I guess the family gets put on the back burner just by default?

Oh boy.

[Guest AFwife62406]

Hi Broncoman~

My husband hasn't ever been away for a long period of time either, and like you, I'm not looking forward to it when he does. I'm on other message boards for AF wifes and gfs and I've asked a bunch of questions on those. PM me if you want the sites.

Although I haven't been away from my husband for a long period of time yet, my advice is to get involved - like the other said. Join a couple forums online because it seems like there are ladies from all over on those things and most of them are looking for more friends too. Also, try out new hobbies - scrapbooking, knitting, sewing, anything! Do anything so you're not sitting at home waiting for him to come home. I know a lot of the craft stores have classes you can take. Find a spouses group on the base your on/near.

Good luck, and I'm sure if you get involved, his time at OTS will fly by.

[Guest tidal wave]

Are you in Columbus right now? And he's at Maxwell? That's not that far away. If he gets a weekend pass, go see him. My hubby was at OTS during Thanksgiving, got a weekend pass but couldn't leave the city. So I drove 4 1/2 hrs, booked a hotel room and went for the weekend. I'm sure this was the only exception, since it was a holiday. Anyway, get used to deployments. They are tough, no doubt, and they will make you stronger than you could ever dream of becoming. My hubby was deployed during most of my pregnancy, came home 2 weeks to the day I delivered, and left when she was 5 weeks old for another 4 months. THAT was tough. Luckily, I had an amazing network of friends to help out, going to lunch, going shopping, playgroup dates, making dinner. I made these friends by getting involved. I joined a church, introduced myself to neighbors, joined the OSC bowling league, joined the squadron spouses Bunko group, anything to make friends. Being in the military, your friends become your extended family - especially when your blood relatives are so far away. Friends are the ones you call in the middle of the night when your child has a high fever and you don't know what to do, you call friends to come look after the baby just so you can take a nap, you call friends to meet you at the base pool because you are so sick of sitting inside your cave of a house, you call friends to meet you at a restaurant because you're sick of eating Doritos for lunch (I've been there.) Do whatever you can to make some friends. You will not make it through this way of life without them.

If you're not in Columbus yet, your signature says you will be for UPT. Columbus may be small, but it is a beautiful town, rich with history. Tour some of the antebellum mansions, stroll through an antique store, and definately check out this store called "Dirt Cheap." It's Mississippi based, and if you like to dig for inexpensive accents for your home, or last seasons JCPenney clothes, then go! Better yet, take a friend and go shopping! If you want more info on this place send me a PM. Also, Meridian (which is my hometown) is only 1 1/2 hrs away and has a really nice mall, much better than Columbus.

Welcome to the Air Force! Enjoy the time away from your hubby...sleep in the middle of the bed, and watch HGTV all day long!

Welcome to Mississippi! If you can stand the humidity, I think you'll have good time living there.

Good luck!

[The Kayla]

If you WANT to get involved you WILL get involved.

BTW, what Tidal Wave said, about beign able to sleep in the middle of the bed.. its true... I'm on countdown till my husband leaves, just so that I can sleep in the middle of the bed!

[HerkDerka]

Originally posted by Rainman A-10:

Oh boy.

I couldn't have said it better.

HD

[Guest Hydro130]

Broncoman's wife,

I would recommend that you pass along to your hubby that he lose that cutesy "future pilot of the A380 for FedEx" bit in the sig block. Even if it's a well-intended attempt at humor, it's still a tad cocky for someone to say who hasn't even completed pilot training yet.

Little things like that set you up to appear to be "one of those" guys who are serving only as a stepping stone to the much fabled rosier future on the outside. And if that's your plan, that's completely fine; just don't openly advertise/flaunt that agenda while you are "in". For now, you are both living the military life; have those dreams about Fedex 10.69 years after he completes UPT when that option may actually be on the table.

Cheers and best wishes beginning the adventure, Hydro

EDIT: Hey Hydro, RTF orginal post.... "using hubby's login", copy....

[ 18. September 2006, 21:31: Message edited by: Hydro130 ]